Promiscuity is promoted as some sort of rite of passage for men in this clime. And in their defence, men tell you they are polygamous in nature.

But, these men don’t understand the pain and torture their cheating behavior puts their women through. It’s as if your heart is being ripped out of your chest, while your stomach is heaving with waves of convulsive pain.

Partners do things that make one questions their self- worth sometimes but the feeling of rejection that comes with being cheated on can be horribly hurtful and difficult to deal with.

It is not just the pain of betrayal that you try to process and eventually try to overcome, you are also mourning the loss of trust in your spouse and your relationship.

Oftentimes, learning about your partner’s extra-curricular sexual activities leaves you stunned, dazed, hurt and uncertain. And you begin to question your self-worth in the midst of the hurt.

When your partner cheats or is cheating, it is absolutely normal to ask yourself how and why it is happening, triggering off your insecurities. Questions like “What is wrong with me?”, “is it because I have gained weight?”, “am I not beautiful enough?”, “did I nag him into another woman’s arms?” dance around in your head.

You begin to assume that his cheating has something to do with you. When you add questioning your self worth to the horrible hurt you are experiencing, your torture multiplies and can take you down a wrong path if not well handled.

It is important to know that when people cheat and even remain serial cheats, it is more about them looking for fulfillment rather than it is about what is wrong with you or your self value.

They cheat because they are not disciplined and lack self control. That being said, it doesn’t also take away the fact that you could have played a part or still playing a part in his infidelity.

Yes, there are things you can do to improve yourself and your relationship, but cheating doesn’t happen because there’s something wrong with you really.

Do not confuse being cheated on with your self-worth. Partners cheat because they choose to go outside the relationship to get their needs met rather than figure out how to get them met within.

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Like I said earlier, there are many possible reasons why your partner chose to cheat, and it may have to do with you, but it is not because you are not good enough, beautiful enough, lovable enough, or whatever other value-related negative belief you have about yourself.

Dealing with a cheating spouse requires asking and answering some very tough questions, but we must ask the right questions. Your question should be, “What is wrong with my partner?” that led them to cheat especially if you are married.

Other important questions to ask are, “What is wrong with my relationship?” that caused this to happen. “How did this situation come into our relationship? How long has this been going on? What went wrong with us?”

The last and most important question is, “What do you want?” This is not an easy question to answer. Other questions pop up. “Do you want to stay and heal the relationship?” “Do you want to end the relationship?”

If children are involved, do you tell them? How? When? How do you sort out the finances? This is where confusion replaces rage and shock. Answer these questions honestly and don’t let your self-doubts into it.

It’s important to get clarity so you know what action to take. Talk to him in order to get that clarity. Gather information so you can decide what you want.

Dealing with infidelity requires a level of emotional support that is beyond the life experience of most people, and the healthy way to deal with this is to seek assistance from people who understand what you are going through.

You can talk to counselors, family members and friends who have dealt with similar betrayal to help you out.

Whether you decide to remain in the relationship or not, you need and deserve care, love, and support, which can only be found by talking about what has happened with compassionate and empathetic people.

You should try not to be vindictive with this. Reporting him to his office or boss out of spite is a no-no. Watch what you say to the kids too, anything said about their father cannot ever be taken back, so think twice about badmouthing him in their presence. Avoid the temptation of engaging him in a physical or verbal war also.

It is also good to learn and know more about sexual addiction, check for sexually transmitted infection as well. These educational processes will help you understand the cheater better and also help you to make healthier decisions in the future.