I have a younger friend who wants to get married to a rich guy but she has been worried sick about what people around her have been saying. One woman actually told her that she was marrying the guy because of his money, and thus sees her as a gold digger. She has been worried over this issue and this has been causing a strain in her relationship with the guy. A few days ago, she came to me and we got talking. From our discussion, it was obvious she loves the guy. However, I think my young friend was just being a child because there is nothing really wrong with her trying to secure her future. There is nothing wrong if she chooses a rich guy instead of a broke guy in as much as she is sure that the rich guy will treat her well. Let us make things clear here: when it comes to getting married, everyone has his or her own reason for walking down the aisle with the preferred spouse. And I don’t think it is fair for anyone to try to force his or her opinion down the throat of others. So, I think we should cut down the whole stigma surrounding women who marry for money; after all, some people marry for love, some for looks; some marry for security, while others marry for money. A man wrote on a social media platform how his wife, a medical doctor, married him when he had nothing. According to him, he lived in a one-room apartment then and didn’t have anything. However, now things have changed and he is doing well. Good for him, I say kudos to his wife for staying with him through the thick and thin. But it is not all love stories like theirs that end beautifully. We have heard stories of women who stood through the difficult times with their husbands but when the thing eventually got better, their men dumped them. Also, there are stories of women who had to pack their bags out of their matrimonial homes because they couldn’t cope with the severity of poverty threatening their lives. So, don’t you think it is wise for a woman to tread with caution before signing the dotted lines?
Nigerians love grass-to-grace stories, but in reality, it is not all of such stories that end well. If a woman can fall hopelessly in love with a poor man and the society celebrates with her, I don’t understand why a woman who falls in love with a rich man should be scorned, jeered at or questioned. There shouldn’t be a big deal if a woman dumps a broke guy for a richer guy. It’s her choice. I think the Nigerian mentality of telling women to run into the arms of any suitor should stop. Nigerians feel women should be grateful when any suitor walks up to them to ask for their hands in marriage. Why? I really don’t get it. Everyone seems to know what is right for a woman; everyone seems to know the perfect suitor for her. Everyone seems to know when her biological clock is ticking and when she refuses all these proposals, they start shaming her. A woman of marriageable age is an adult and shouldn’t be treated like a moron. Let her make her decisions, let her make her mistakes and leave her to wallow in regrets. It is not your business.
To be realistic, what exactly do you expect from a woman with a thriving career? Do you expect her to jump into marriage with any lay about that comes to ask her hand in marriage? Or she shouldn’t ask questions about what he does or how much he earns? This isn’t about being superficial or ignoring the potentials of a suitor vis-a-vis his present financial status. This is more about realities. If a woman wants a man who is financially buoyant, I don’t think she has committed any crime. This kind of woman is only saving herself from future frustrations and heartbreak. Keep your advice to your daughters!! Learn to respect boundaries and accept people for who they are.
Of course, I am not trying to deny the fact that there are gold diggers on the prowl around town. There are women who are leeches, who are just out to suck a guy dry and move on. If you are a regular reader of this column, you will know that I am never on the side of lazy women. I love women who are hardworking and independent. But there is a difference between smart good women who appreciate men who have strong financial resources and gold diggers who just want to feast on a man’s wealth without bringing anything to the table.
A gold digger is a greedy and conniving person trailing behind wealthy individuals with the hope of benefiting from them. A gold digger pretends like she doesn’t know the spouse’s monetary worth and acts aloof from it. The only thing on a gold digger’s mind is to stripe her man of his wealth and move on. However, the smart woman understands the powers her feminism and sexuality exude. But rather than letting the society make a mess of her, she decides to be on the right side and makes good decisions.
This smart lady only wants to have a successful and financially stable man as a spouse. But this sassy and brilliant lady who is goal-driven doesn’t care the kind of shallow label she gets when she is dating. All she cares is about the future she desires and will work towards achieving that no matter what people say. From the foregoing points, it is crystal clear that one is a money grubber and the other is genuinely interested. I think one of the problems here is that the society is unfamiliar with this new woman and people have trouble discerning between both and so they have decided to lump them together as gold diggers.
But both ladies have some things in common: they are gorgeous, confident and charming enough to get themselves sophisticated and wealthy men.
However, we are all aware that love doesn’t pay bills and romance only won’t put food on the table.
In as much as we encourage our daughters to be financially independent, they should also understand that when they are building a future with someone, issue of financial strength is equally as important as the butterflies in their tummies.
Moreover, one of the things that matters in every marriage is the ability for every couple to be able to rely on each other physically, mentally emotionally and also financially. Love without money is a disaster waiting to happen. Getting to know your man’s financial status isn’t a bad thing at all.
Interestingly, over the years, I have come to realize that most guys who can’t keep their jobs are the guys who get broke in their adult years.
Unfortunately, I won’t take this lightly because there are lots of lazy young men who are living a fake life. They claim they are businessmen, but they are not doing anything. These guys sweet talk our ladies that they have brilliant proposals which they never get to execute. They keep saying things will get better, but it may never if they don’t tell themselves the truth. Forget the romantic fictions we have been told all our lives about how a poor man married a rich woman and then led to eternal happiness. Get out of your fantasy! Such stories are very rare in real life. There is nothing exciting or adventurous about being poor. If a guy is unmotivated and reluctant to get a good job or succeed in his business, how is he going to be able to keep a home together? How will a guy who is only obsessed with his good looks fend for his family? So, I think you should choose a guy with a buoyant cheque book over a lazy broke guy. Don’t let anyone put you under unnecessary pressure to marry someone you are not comfortable with. I know a lady who had a thriving career who married a man who wasn’t doing anything because she was desperate and she had her family pressurizing her to marry the guy. Six months later, the marriage crashed. Save yourself from future heartbreak! No woman should feel compelled to marry a guy who is not financially capable because of what other people will say. There is nothing wrong with loving a rich guy. There is nothing wrong if you want your future secured. That doesn’t make you a gold digger; it only means you are financially smart!
However, I am not saying that all rich guys are good. Make sure you know your spouse very well; ask questions before walking down the aisle. Either way, being married to a rich, good guy has a ton of privileges that some of us might never enjoy, so if you have such opportunity don’t look back. Just go for it!