When a partner grants their better half the express permission to go out and do whatever they like…, it’s called ‘hall pass to cheat’.
I got a number of amazing and shocking responses to my last week’s article ‘Are you in a sexless marriage?’ I will therefore begin the topic for this week with one of such heart touching feedbacks. Please follow me:
“I’m in a sexless marriage, I’m the one withholding sex. I have been married for over 10 years now. I didn’t marry my husband a virgin and getting deflowered was a horrible experience. He wasn’t rough with me but it was a torturous and unbearable pain. I thought it was the usual pain every virgin must experience, but I was wrong, dead wrong, I passed out. After series of sexual disappointments, he dumped me. I tried a couple more relationships and it finally occurred to me that I really needed help. I visited a gynecologist who confirmed I have vaginismus. You already know what that means. Few months later, I met my now husband, I opened up to him about my condition and he accepted me wholeheartedly. We got married but having sex became an issue. It took a toll on him, we devised other ways of having sex orally without penetrating me until he is to cum. He only gets to deposit his semen inside me by thrusting half way once.
READ ALSO: Are you in a sexless marriage?
It wasn’t long, I took in, we have three lovely children. In the early months of our marriage, I saw my husband become an unhappy man, he was unhappy because of me, because of my condition, he cannot stand my tears and pain even when he just penetrates me a little to deposit his semen.
Two years into our marriage, I suggested he takes another wife, an idea he strongly opposed. He was going on a trip one day, while helping him pack I gifted him a pack of condom. He was quiet, he’s actually not the talking type, he waited for me to say what was on my mind. I can’t remember my exact words, but I gave him the express permission to have fun with other women. The condom was for him to “cheat responsibly” in your words. He didn’t say a word, but he smiled, placed the condom in his bag properly. Kissed me with a thank you.
I was happy he didn’t turn down my offer and my husband in this over 10 years marriage has never changed towards me. I know he feels sorry for me because I have never experienced orgasm, but he gives me peace of mind.
I will not say we are in a sexless marriage per say, but what can possibly be as disheartening as not experiencing penetration by a man during sex?
I permitted my husband to cheat, because it’s the only option I have left. If I cannot give him good sex as a good wife, then I should give him free hands to operate, he is not the reason for my condition after all. I love him, he loves me and our marriage is intact and that’s all that matters . . .”
When a partner grants their better half the express permission to go out and do whatever they like which includes having sex with strangers but expects them to cover their tracks well, it’s called ‘hall pass to cheat’.
Whatever happens during this period, be it a full day, half-day, weeks or an hour hall pass, your partner doesn’t want to know. It’s a case of what happens in Vegas remains in Vegas; a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. There will be no punishments, consequences or repercussion for your actions whatsoever.
Spouses who obtain such pass find it very awkward at the beginning, some even accuse their partners of not loving them enough to have suggested such; some after a while see reasons and use the opportunity judiciously.
Whatever a couple decides to do in their marriage for their own happiness and peace of mind is their business and that of their creator. Many impotent, infertile, one minute men, women suffering from vaginismus, those with history of sexual abuse, homosexuals, those married to sex addicts, and even some crazy spouses etc have given their better halves the option of seeking sexual pleasure outside, for reasons best known to them. Some of these couples see sex with someone else as what keeps their bond stronger.
While granting a spouse free ticket to sexual adventure with someone else is sexual generosity, unfortunately some people who grant their spouses such permissions become territorial and jealous afterwards, they begin to act out, become distraught and emotional wrecks, ultimately destroying their relationship.
And some spouses who were granted such permissions end up developing an emotional bond with their sex mates, which could threaten the original partner.
A lot of married people cheat in secret, but some decide to cheat and be cheated on with each other’s consent, which is not easy. Some are in sex clubs, swing clubs, in threesomes, partner swaps and group sex etc. These arrangements may work best for couples involved but bizarre and unbelievable to outsiders. Whatever works best for you as a couple, do it. There is no one-size fit all.
What would you do if your spouse gives you a hall pass? Would you give a hall pass to keep your marriage? Decide what your hearts can handle.