I have come this week with the gospel of truth. A pastor told me that I would start preaching the gospel very soon with my column and I thought it was a joke. But suddenly I felt the Spirit of the Lord come upon me and I am here to share the good news of marital relationships with you my brothers and sisters.
We are very religious people in this country and I have just joined the train. I bring Calvary greetings to you my ardent readers. The gospel you will read today is taken from the book of Nigerian marriage, chapter love verses submission and prayers. Don’t look surprised.
Nigerian men are always demanding submission from their wives but they conveniently forget the preceding verse that commands them to love her like Christ loved the church to the point of dying for the church. They forget that love breeds submission. You can’t force it. A woman who is loved will submit automatically except she’s crazy.
How many men love their wives to the point of dying for them? You have to answer that question yourselves and truthfully too. All the time, women are told to keep their homes irrespective of the behaviour of their husbands. When they are being beaten, they are told to pray. When these men cheat on them, they are told to pray. When the husbands rape the underaged the wives are advised to turn a blind eye to his crimes and pray.
When these men don’t provide for their families, they are told to intensify prayers because someone somewhere is holding their hearts captive. When these men run after side chicks and flaunt their affairs in their wives’ faces, these women are told to engage in marathon fasting with prayers and vigil to break the hold of strange women on their wandering husbands.
When these men insult, belittle and humiliate their wives, they are told to go to the mountain and pray because he is not in his right senses. Women are told to keep praying for their husbands to change as if these men don’t know right from wrong. It is always the woman’s duty to pray. Are men forbidden to pray and fast for their irresponsible wives?
Women are hounded with Bible verses everywhere they turn but no one is telling men what they should do to also keep their marriages. Women are told that a wise woman builds her home with her hands while the foolish one tears it down. What will a wise man be busy doing while his wife is doing the building? I will tell you.
A wise man doesn’t neglect the place of prayer and intercession for his wife because he knows there are so many temptations out there. There are so many men after his woman and he must use the weapon of prayer to drive them far so that her affairs won’t break his home.
A wise man doesn’t report his wife to her mother because her advice can destroy his marriage. He must cover his wife’s bad behaviour, take her insults and endure her philandering with a humble and pious disposition. He also cooks different delicacies for his wife while she’s watching her favourite programmes on television because he knows she needs to relax after a hard day’s job.
A wise man doesn’t deny his wife sex no matter how tired he is. He doesn’t plan on pushing her out into the arms of handsome, sleek men. A wise man doesn’t have pot belly. He is constantly working on his body so that his wife doesn’t get tempted by men with toned abs and six packs. He knows women are moved by what they see.
A wise man doesn’t check his wife’s phones. What he doesn’t know won’t kill him. Even when she receives midnight calls and tells the other person how he made her feel in bed, he ignores just for peace to reign. A wise man hand washes his wife’s clothes without murmuring. He doesn’t need a washing machine because it will make him lazy.
A wise man stays awake till dawn to open the door for his wife and when she returns home and warms food for her to eat. He doesn’t ask where she’s coming from so that he won’t disturb the peace they enjoy. He knows that a woman must enjoy her life with her friends.
A wise man doesn’t report his wife to the police even when she’s beating him. He endures and prays more because prayers change things. When she slaps him, he kneels down and apologises for being wrong.
A wise man doesn’t quit his marriage when his wife cheats on him. He knows that she can’t be eating one type of soup everyday. He prays and fasts for her to have a change of heart. Even when she dumps another man’s child on him, he accepts all her shortcomings with patience. Marriage requires patience and endurance.
A wise man fights side cocks to leave his wife alone. He calls them, warns them and threatens them to leave his wife alone because his marriage is very important to him. He doesn’t get angry with his wife even when his mother in-law insults him. He tells her thank you for slapping him too. He’s saving his marriage.
A wise man begs his wife to come back home while she stays with her friends clubbing and partying. He doesn’t raise his voice so he won’t lose her completely. He is patient, tolerant and loving. No matter what his wife does, he knows that women will always be women and they can’t say no to some things.
Dear brothers, be a wise man today and build your home with your hands. Don’t destroy your marriage because of immaturity and jealousy. You don’t know how worse the next woman you want to marry might be. No matter how bad your wife is, just manage her. You know God hates divorce. Even if your wife beats and stabs you, pray for her to change. You must win her back with good behaviour.
Shower her with more love, buy red boxers and learn new sexual moves. You will definitely win her back if you add more midnight prayers to the mix. Don’t listen to your friends who are telling you to divorce your irresponsible wife. They just want to destroy your marriage so that they can take over your wife. They have been eyeing her for a long time. Don’t give them the pleasure of seeing your marriage pack up.
My brothers, fight for your marriage on your knees. There is nothing prayer cannot do. You have to remember that God answers prayers. Don’t forget the place of prayers in building your home. If you cannot fast for your cheating wife to change, engage the services of a prophet, they are ever ready to fast and pray on your behalf for a fee. You know that the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know.
Brother, stick to your wife. You know that marriage is for better, or for worse. Build your home. Pray for your woman and watch her come back to her senses. I wish you good luck.
RE: WHAT NIGERIAN MEN WANT FROM WIFE MATERIALS
Thank you for your piece. Even men that cannot afford to take care of themselves are looking for wife materials. They are setting conditions for women. Some women are not helping matters too. We need to set standards for ourselves. I expect more of this. -Chika
Kate, your submissions are quite interesting but marriage is a union between two people and whatever works for a couple should be left alone. Your submission may only be valid if one is forced into it and we should be careful not to create issues between partners. -Onyeka, Garki, Abuja
Kate, please your write-ups are not good for children. Parents and children are complaining about the things you write every week. You are promoting promiscuity in children. You need to soft pedal for God’s sake. -Edeji
Can’t you show some decorum in mentioning private organs? Any single lady following your advice will be misled in life. Your write-ups are from the devil. You need to be tamed otherwise you will corrupt and mislead innocent growing young girls. Your column is capable of causing more broken homes. The only thing you know how to write is penis, let’s clap for you. –Sam Pmt
I lack words to express my happiness that we have great minds like you who dedicate their time to educating Nigerians and changing their thinking faculties to something better regarding relationships. I am enjoying your work. It is always interesting. Keep up the good work. –Bill Wise
No sane man will marry a woman who will always be competing with him. That is a wrong choice and that marriage won’t last. Even if the woman is richer, if she cannot humble herself to marry a man because she can take care of herself, she had better stay alone. It is a taboo for a woman to be controlling a man. -Chikezie