Whoever knows that mischievous fellow called Devil should warn him seriously. I am just tired of his antics these days. How in hell can the idiot be committing so much havoc in the society and the police are just acting as if he’s an untouchable herdsman. Recently, he’s gone too far – pushing, luring, deceiving, leading and well, tricking innocent people into all manners of ills. Haba!
A few days back, Mr Devil pushed a 45-year-old Jonathan Ulaha and his 42-year-old mother-in-law, Mrs Ashetu Igbawase, while in the farm. Both stumbled and fell from the farm till they landed, very innocently, on a bed. All in Awe, Nasarawa State. Yet, the naughty devil kept luring them into sex, like a doctor’s prescription – three times a day! The bubble burst when Mama-in-law got pregnant. And, of course, it was clearly “the devil’s work”. If you doubt, ask Ulaha.
Five days back, the nonsense devil, in police uniform, pushed a motorist into the front of a speeding petrol tanker. Witnesses on 3rd East Circular Road, Igun Junction, Benin City, said the devil-policeman killed the unidentified man in front of his family members, just because the latter refused to part with N100 bribe. Not long ago, the devil also took the blame when Ikiru Odejide was arrested in Ogun State for sleeping with his 13-year-old daughter. The same thing happened when 43-year-old Adebisi Akinrinmola was arrested for allegedly killing his wife’s lover. An argument led to a fight and Adeola, the lover was downed – by the devil(?) “I regret my action; it was the devil that pushed me to carry out that action”, Akinrinmola pleaded.
You see, in our clime, whenever anything goes wrong, it must be the devil. A randy lecturer caught romping with a student blames the devil. If salt is too much in your soup, it must be the devil who poured it in. Watch out! That pothole on the highway might just be the work of the devil. A burst pipeline, worn out by age and spilling crude oil everywhere, was destroyed by the devil. A politician, whose certificate was either “manufactured” at Oluwole Street in Lagos, Toronto in Canada or Chicago, USA, blames the devil.
Here, nobody does wrong, it’s always only the devil. The fellow takes all the blame. Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, says blaming the devil is a way of escaping from our bad deeds. “Who wants to take responsibility for the bad stuff we do, the mistakes we make, the yucky feelings inside? It’s so much easier to pass them off onto someone else. It wasn’t me; it was the other guy. Or we can always call upon the old standby: the devil made me do it!”
Well, it goes back to Eden. Adam and Eve ate “Abacha’s apple” but won’t accept blame. When God asked them what they had done, they passed the buck. Adam said: “Eve made me do it”; and Eve said: “ The devil made me do it”! Now, blaming the devil makes life easier. For instance, if El-Rufai’s half-hearted restructuring report attracts contempt, he can blame it on the devil. And, as the IGP Idris has concluded even without investigation that the herdsmen attacks on Benue farmers were communal clash, he could blame the devil tomorrow and we would all free him.
You see, this IGP has a serious task ahead. Mischief makers say his duties include maintaining law-and-(dis)order, insulting some politicians and fighting crime – with his mouth! Some even claim it must have been the devil who showed Police PRO Jimoh Moshood that Gov Ortom is “a drowning man”. Just because he’s battling herdsmen and asking the IG to resign? Na wa o! Anyway, I don’t believe them o, jare. Because if IGP orders their arrest now, they would claim it was the devil who said it. Or made them say it. Me? I no sabi book o
But, check it out. Among IGP Idris’ other specialties, is clairvoyance. He knows the answer before the question; knows communal clashes before investigation and when a character is assassinated even before you complain. The way he’s going, he might even know the winners in 2019 elections before INEC! The devil is a liar!
Well, in this season of growing political suspicion, one can never be too careful with the devil. So, here’s a caution: if you make a statement and receive a few critical calls, blame it on the devil. Oh, never mind! You won’t be the first. If gold rust, what would iron do? Ex-military president Ibrahim Babangida issued a statement few days back, asking Buhari to quit in 2019. Then, one mischief maker said he “maradonically” changed mind; issued another one, signed it as a GCON and the devil takes the blame. GCON(Grand Commander of the Niger)? IBB is GCFR (Grand Commander of the Federal Republic), as a former head of state. So, it must have been the devil who “demoted” him from the highest honour in the land. Abi? Now, the same devil must have pushed the police to declare Kassim Afegbua “wanted”. For what, sir? The IG says for “character assassination”. Who’s the complainant, Sir? Shun, Sa! All corrupt, Sa! But when did issuing of political statements become a criminal offence, sir?
Silly me, I forgot that here, same laws apply differently to people according to status. The same themes in IBB-Afegbua statement featured in Obasanjo’s “special statement”. A slight difference was in the “analogue-digital” demarcation. Yes, while Obj suggested a Coalition, which he went ahead to inaugurate, IBB-Afegbua suggested a two-party structure. Yet, there was no confusion in Babel over Obj’s “letter”. Or was it because he has “age and authority”? Well, Afegbua can only boast of youthful grammar. Oh, he’s a former commissioner and worked for IBB for 14 years. Who e epp? Now, he’d have to add “wanted by the police in 2018” to his CV!
Ah! The devil almost pushed me yesterday to issue a statement on my grandma’s behalf. What saved me was that I lost my dictionary. Hence, no “grammar” to use in convincing or confusing Buhari and his blind supporters that we the ordinary people are still waiting for the promised change. By now, the IGP would’ve been busy ordering beer, sorry, my arrest. As if I caused Buhari’s son’s accident. Yet, he can’t order arrest and prosecution of any killer herdsman. Or even their cows!
It appears the devil has infiltrated the ranks of our political officers, civil society, clergy and well the lowly. Actions are no longer calculated in terms of likely positive effects. Hence, some politicians talk and do as they like, all in the name of politics. The other day, some suspected cultists declared wanted by Rivers state for the killing of 23 persons on New Year’s Day were granted amnesty by Gov. Okorocha of Imo. Hard to understand why. Did they confess/repented? What’s the aim, Sir? Rumour-mongers claim he’s even about to erect statues in their honour. Well, Rivers’ Governor Wike has challenged that such amnesty would not save the perpetrators of the devilish acts.
Yes, the devil is at work. Always. This year, there might be more devil-induced speeches and activities. More statements written, issued, cancelled, denied and well, refuted. And the police, for lack of focus and serious work to do, might heat up the polity with more arrest orders. Or declaring more criticisms as hate speeches! They might be ably aided by Buhari’s perception managers. What with Garba Shehu declaring a newspaper report as “hate speech”? When did private media houses become government megaphones? If we are to enhance development journalism, some media establishments must hold the government accountable by always reminding of unfulfilled promises. Like the now elusive “change”! And, Sir, reporting the other side of the story has something to do with balancing, objectivity and fairness. This is a democracy, where all sides of the story matter. Not a dictatorship, where only the master’s view is important. To insist otherwise, is to show that the devil is working overtime.
Man, the philosophers say, was created with a conscience. Whatever the determinists say, the conscience in man makes him accountable for his actions. Except for those who have no control over their faculties, everyone should be ready for flak or praise. It’s either reward or punishment. Carrot and stick. Inaction’s not even an excuse, for it’s also a part of action. The IGP should order the arrest of Mr Devil. Wrongdoers who claim links with the devil must lead us to him. The criminals and the devil(?) must both be punished. Starting with those who insist that “it was the devil that pushed me!”