There’s a Yoruba proverb, which loosely translated, means, “If a woman has not tasted two husbands’ homes, she might not be able to decide which is better.” This saying played out in the life of a woman, Fadekemi Adeleye. The 39-year-old was blinded by love into leaping out of her first husband’s home without looking. It soon dawned on her that the grass isn’t green everywhere.
Fadekemi ran to a Customary Court sitting in Aiyedun-Ekiti, in Ikole Local Government Area of Ekiti State recently, regretting dumping her first husband for the second, from who she is again asking to be separated. In fact, it was her current estranged husband who gave her money to file the divorce suit against the ex-hubby.
Fadekemi’s big trouble was that the beating from her present husband was worse than she had suffered in the hands of her former husband.
After three years of enduring the beatings from the latest husband who she accused of flaring up at the slightest provocation, the embattled wife approached the court to set her free.
“I have become a laughing stock in the area we live because of the beating and public disgrace.”
She said neighbors now call her derisively ‘Titilayo’, joking that her joy was forever as if she enjoyed being turned into a punching bag.
Fadekemi prayed the court to dissolve the marriage and grant her  custody of the only daughter produced by the union.
But Fedekemi isn’t alone in troubled, rancorous marriage. It’s the same ailing marital disharmony in many homes across the country.
Opeyemi Aremu of Orita Aperin in Ibadan, Oyo State has also just had his 16-year marriage to Tolade dissolved due to irreconcilable differences. Aremu poured out his frustrations in court, accusing his wife and mother of his four children of arrogance and disobedience.
“My Lord, I wish I did not marry Tolade. Maybe things would have been better for me,” Aremu had lamented in court.
Sometimes, the reason for the breakdown is as ridiculous as one from 48-year-old clearing agent, Francis Stephen, who accused his wife of sleeping with her pastor and his own younger brother.
“My wife is having sex with her pastor,’’ Stephen told an Igando Customary Court in Lagos while responding to a request by his wife, Ogechi, for the dissolution of their 13-year-old marriage.
 “My wife is sleeping with her pastor. When I got to know I confronted her and she confessed to me.
“Apart from having sex with her pastor, she was also cheating on me with my younger brother,” he alleged.
The strain in relationship is already taking its toll on the children. The children have stopped school since last term. One of them who was due to write the common entrance examination missed it.
Mrs Ogechi Stephen, a mother of four, had approached the court, seeking to end the marriage over frequent beatings and drunkenness.
In the case of Shuaibu Yusuf, his wife, Bilkisu dragged him to the Mararaba Grade 1 Area Court in Abuja for divorce for denying her sex for two years. And his excuse for failing to perform his conjugal duty is that he had financial difficulties.
The couple had been married since January 2012 and blessed with a son.
If Shuaibu’s problem is money, the reason Ebenezer Alegbeleye, a farmer asked an Ikole Ekiti Magistrate’s Court to dissolve his 15-year-old marriage to his wife, Modupe, is her refusal to cook for him.
 The farmer told the court that he had been cooking his food for some time now without any assistance from his wife.
“I will return from the farm, peel the yam, pound it and fetch drinking water myself, while my wife watches me do all that without assisting me.’’
Alegbeleye said he could not continue to stay under the same roof with Modupe, urging the court to dissolve the union.
 He had attempted divorcing his wife three years ago but halted the move following the intervention of family members.
Beyond beatings, food, sex starvation and other personal misunderstandings, the conduct of children may also be a source of friction as exemplified in the case of 56-year-old driver, Olusegun Agogo, who asked an Igando Customary Court in Lagos to dissolve his 19-year-old marriage because his wife encourages their children to steal. 
He said that his wife, Olufumilayo, with whom he had two daughters, fights him whenever he tried to discipline his daughters for stealing.
“My daughters aged 18 and 14 have penchant for stealing and my wife does not allow me to beat or punish them.
“There was a day I came home and met Odua People Congress (OPC) members disciplining my daughters by asking them to stool down.
“When I asked what their offences were, I was told that they stole N50,000 from a woman four houses away from ours and  the money was recovered from them.
“When they came in, I wanted to beat them but my wife did not allow me.
“My first daughter once stole my phone from where I was charging it and  when I asked my wife and daughters for the phone, they claimed that they did not take it, so I assumed somebody from outside must have stolen it.
“Some days later, I heard the ringing tone of my missing phone coming from my daughter’s room and  when I rushed there, behold she was receiving a call with the phone.
“She had destroyed my SIM card.
“Stealing is in my daughters’ blood, they duplicated my room key without my knowledge and stole my N100,000 that I collected from ‘Esusu’ savings.
“On another occasion, they stole N20,000 from me and I stopped bringing money home, because most times, I come home to meet my room ransacked.
“Last month, they stole my two phones from my room while I was sleeping and  up till now, I have not recovered them.
“I can no longer walk freely on the street because of my daughters’ behavior.’’
“Once, my wife accused me of stealing her N40,000 and  she hit me with a big plank.  I dodged it from hitting my head but I sustained injury on my wrist from the plank.
“When her daughters noticed that the missing money belonged to their mother, they returned it to her,” he said.
Agogo begged the court to dissolve the marriage since he was no longer in love with his wife as she had caused great damage to their children.
However, the respondent, Olufumilayo, said that her husband did not care for her and their children and that she had been responsible for their feeding and school fees.
She, however, made a fervent plea to the court not to dissolve their marriage since she was still in love with her husband.
“Please, help me beg my husband not to divorce me, I will make amend in correcting the children over any wrongdoing,” she said.
The experiences are varying and endless. Many times the women, being vulnerable, are victims. Occasionally, the men are at the receiving end. But far more affected in these rising cases of troubled homes and broken marriages are the children.
They are made to bear the brunt of the failings of their parents.
Some of them who grew up without parental love and care end up on the streets as gangsters or armed robbers. Since they were robbed of love and decent upbringing, they visit their frustrations on the society. From their hands many innocent citizens die needless deaths. Others get maimed. Others still lose their property to these neglected children from troubled homes.
Kudos to the courts and the non-governmental organisations (NGOs) for doing their best to reconcile many of the estranged couples who approached them for divorce. Many never get to the courts or the NGOs. The couples just terminate the unions without any consideration for the fate of the children produced by such marriages.
Unfortunately, governments at all levels are bogged down by unsuccessful attempts at providing infrastructure, notably building and rehabilitation of roads, hospitals, schools while little or no consideration is given to the wellbeing of families.
All local governments in the country have social welfare departments. Their staffers are supposed to work in communities, orphanages, prisons, markets and other social welfare agencies to ensure good living. But these social welfare departments are hardly staffed with professionals and they are very poorly funded.
Only a very negligible number of citizens can claim to have had any contact with social workers in our country in their whole lifetime.
Many citizens do not even have any idea or the slightest knowledge about what social workers do and how they can help anyone or family live a good, harmonious life.
Government must realize that all is not well for the average Nigerian family. The attempt to rebuild the nation must start with the family. It will be almost impossible to have patriotic, selfless citizens who will build a secure nation free of corruption if  families are in tatters. The earlier we begin to mend our increasing troubled  homes, the better.

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