It did not start today, not even yesterday. It has lasted well over a century now. We were intentionally wired to be difficult in all perspectives. Whichever way you opt to look at it, Nigeria is wired abnormally to malfunction.

The silly 1914 amalgamation of the South and North protectorates was our greatest undoing. Reason: We were amalgamated without any input from us the supposed beneficiaries.

These cursed British colonial masters! They told us how we must live; not how we wanted to live together as a people. We were wired to be in pain and chaos forever.

Of course, that suited them perfectly. That was the only way they could explore, exploit and pillage us to the maximum. And that was why they milked us dry. They cared less the manner we were wired.

The colonialists had their deadly and satanic agenda. It was purely to plunder us, which they did to the best of their ability. They came, conquered and exploited.

They reasoned, Nigeria of all the colonies must be wired to crash. They envied our potential, especially in human and material resources. And they went all out to degrade and destroy them. They resolved we must not develop properly. We must be wired in such a way that we world crawl forever.

If not, how do you explain this awkward demarcation that the North extends beyond the Niger and Benue rivers? In other sane climes, rivers are one of the most prominent natural boundaries. Not so in a strangely wired Nigeria.

We are convinced they did it for a bizarre purpose. They just sat down in faraway London, and carelessly wired us according to their whims and caprices! They put a sharp knife into us and divided us as they deemed fit, after forcing us into a marriage.

They blatantly fixed our boundaries, cutting us up into pieces. They had a huge disregard and disrespect for our aspirations. They closed their eyes and hearts to our pains and injuries. They carried on as if we had no feelings or minds of our own.

They behaved true to type as mindless colonialists. They pretended to love us by abolishing slave trade after they had made fortunes out of it. They replaced slavery with brutal colonisation.

The results of all these actions and inactions are playing out fast on us. We can count the adverse effects of our odd wiring. The reason we are experiencing what we are experiencing today. It is only in an awkwardly wired country like Nigeria that such things could happen.

This is a country where you have a Nigeria Private (Police?) Force (NPF). Where over 150,000 of its personnel are made to secure private individuals, code-named Very Important Persons (VIPs).

The rest of us in the majority are left unprotected. We are perpetually at the mercy of armed robbers, kidnappers, ritualists, Boko Haram insurgents and, the new breed, AK47 wielding Fulani headsmen.

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This is a country where cows are fast taking over as university lecturers after invading the campus. Yes, where government and its lazy top officials prefer to offer excuses for their failings and failures. They close their minds to proffering solutions to our myriad of challenges.

Our own strangely wired Nigeria. This is where nepotism is practiced with reckless impunity by the highest authority in the land. A country where we are being ruled and ruined at the same time at top speed.

Ah, Nigeria, where government and its top officials, again, see hate speech in every criticism. They detest to be critically examined. In defence, they fall back to buck-passing and blame game. They blame everybody but themselves.

But we can sincerely put an end to our nonsensical arrangement. We can, with genuine intentions, successfully put the mess behind us. We have to put all seriousness into it. It can never be a tea party again.

There is a window out of the debris and chaos. The panacea is simply restructuring. That is the viable remedy we have at hand. And it is better applied now, before we lose it.

Yes, Benue State is still in the eye of the storm. It remains in the news, again, for the very wrong reason. Absurd indeed! It is still about being wired to malfunction.

Stranger than fiction: A mystery snake is on the rampage in Makurdi, the state capital. This snake is hungry, angry and ferocious.

It pounced on the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB), eating deep into its vault. Its registrar, Prof. Ishaq Oloyede, was shocked to the marrow. He was told the snake has swallowed N36 million so far from the vault.

Saturday Sun reported a sales clerk Philomina’s account: “It was a mystery to us too. I have been saving the money in the bank, but I found it difficult to account for it so I started saving it in a vault in the office.

“But each time I opened the vault, I would find nothing. I became worried and surprised; I began to interrogate everybody in the house and office. I continued to press until my housemaid confessed.

“She said the money disappeared ‘spiritually’! She said a ‘mysterious snake’ sneaked into the house and swallowed the money in the vault.”

That is the abysmal level to which we have fallen in this country. We are at the bottomless, boundless level of decadence.

Great pity, we are still going down!