The Sun News

Nigeria: We’re truly laughable

When the list of the federal board appointees was released last week, I was eternally disappointed. I was not so disenchanted that eight dead bodies were unleashed on us as board members. No, not at all! We are only behaving true to type.
All together, the list had 209 board chairmen and 1,258 as members. They are for all the Federal Government parastatals, corporations, et al. It was released from the Office of the Secretary to the Government of the Federation (SGF).
But I was dismayed that not even one of my two candidates made the list. I ran over and over the list. I took a studied examination over the credentials of the dead appointees. I discovered again to my chagrin that none of the dead was as qualified as any of my candidates for the “plum” job:
Senator Francis Okpozo, 81, died in 2016. He was to be chairman, Nigerian Press Council (NPC).
Deputy Inspector-General of Police Donald Ugbaja (retd), appointed member, Consumer Protection Council.
Rev. Fr. Christopher Utov, died March 17, 2017, buried in Gboko, Benue State, April 13, 2017.
Alhaji Umar Dange, died December 9, 2017, appointed member, Federal Medical Centre, Ebute-Meta, Lagos.
Others were Garba Attahiru Kaduna, Dr. Nabbs Igbokwe from Rivers State, Comrade Ahmed Bunza from Kebbi State and Miss Magdalene Kumu from Taraba State.
I make bold to say that all their experiences as dead bodies combined did not add up to the rich experiences of any of my two candidates. The two candidates were so close to me, particularly biologically.
They were my parents. Each of them had more experience in the world beyond than all these dead appointees put together. Yet none of them made the list.
My father died on July 17, 1975, more than 42 years ago! His better half did not follow until “very recently,” April 2006; over 21 years now.
I thought all these would be put into serious consideration. So, when I got the privileged hint that dead people would make the list of federal board appointees, I jumped for joy. I just submitted their CVs and went to deep sleep.
Now, I regret my carelessness. I thought the government would be fair, without fear and favour, in its appointments. That was why I never bothered to lobby. I naively believed their credentials and experiences would speak volumes. How I missed it!
The SGF, Mr. Boss Mustapha, in his wisdom and one of his first major assignments, simply jettisoned the intimidating CVs of my candidates.
This is a classical case of sheer laziness and gross incompetence. A mere 10 minutes’ review of the list before release would have saved the country this global embarrassment.
Because of the trauma this has caused, I sincerely pray that the uproar generated by these sordid appointments will never cease. It will continue to hunt and haunt the masterminds unabated.
Let everybody of good conscience shout the biggest A-M-E-N!!!
In the midst of this messy drama, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) still had the uncommon audacity to further taunt us on this unending fuel crisis. Its managing director and chief executive officer, Maikanti Baru, was bold enough to put more salt on our injury.
He boasted last Friday in Abuja that “the Federal Government had succeeded in taming ‘the monster’ of fuel scarcity.” Read his lips very well:
“As of this (Friday) morning, I have gone round the Abuja metropolis and I have seen that the queues had reduced significantly to almost the normal level and few motorists that I heard speaking on morning programme concerning what I had seen said they did not spend up to 30 minutes to fuel their cars.”
His conclusion: “So, the monster has been tamed, in Lagos, the situation has been brought to normalcy as far as two days ago and we are achieving the same thing in all other cities.”
Should we believe him? Do you believe him? Did we need to go through this stress in the first instance? Should they have stretched us this far?
That is what they used to tell us in the past 40 odd years. It has been an old fairy tale, more of a fable than truth.
It is their weird sing-song. Spare us this cracked rhythm; sing us a new song.
You are truly making us laughable in the eyes of the world!

TALK BACK

Xmas like never before, an exposé

Femi your piece, “Xmas like never before,” was an amazing revelation. The hike in the price of fuel in Nigeria by our rulers is born out of greed and wickedness.
I hope President Muhammadu Buhari will put a stop to it, no matter the pressure on him to raise price on premium motor spirit.
Congratulations on this exposé. Compliments.
– Williams, 08037276625

Handiwork of cabals
The issue is that the so-called fuel scarcity is the handiwork of cabals in the oil sector. They wanted to enrich themselves during the Yuletide.
It was planned by the marketers to punish Nigerians at the Yuletide in deferment to their selfish aims. It is very sad and an ugly act by the marketers.
It has become a yearly ritual for oil marketers to hold Nigerians to ransom every Yuletide and this must stop. Government should find a lasting solution to this act.
– Chika Nnorom. 08062887535

Stop the insult
Femi, Christmas has meaning, Christmas has a lot of meaning, people should stop insulting Christ.
– 08065660948

Incisive piece
Thanks for that piece on Christmas and fuel scarcity. Can you assess the debt burden laid on us? God bless you for your incisive piece in Daily Sun.
– Nzekwesi Paulinus, Karmo, Abuja.
08068695556

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Online Editor: Aderonke Bello
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