When a woman thinks her biological clock is ticking, she is vulnerable. When she begins to set wedding dates between one birthday and the next, she is easy prey. When all she has achieved and is achieving pale into insignificance beside her desire to ‘settle down’, that is when she becomes a plaything in the hands of men. She is finally in that place called the desperate zone. Here, she can no longer see a simple friendship for what it is.
She reads meaning into everything her boyfriend says even when the guy can’t remember what he said or when he said it. Every man who winks or smiles at her is a prospective husband. She attends every singles meeting in her church and every church, believing Mr Right is hidden in next week’s singles summit or at worst at the end of the year ‘love feast for singles’. She watches out for such themes as ‘ I must marry this year’ on church posters. She is obsessed, totally desperate. She is at that point where she feels incomplete, and that is putting it mildly. Most women actually at this point feel like failures.
They feel all the witches and wizards in their villages are behind the problem. The evil ones have covered their faces with evil veil or caged their prospective husbands. That could be true and it may be far off the mark. I have learnt not to tell a desperate 37 or 40 year old woman searching for a husband that I know how she feels. It just does not work. What further compounds the troubles of the 40-year-old desperate sister is the army of marauding opportunist males who know what she wants, dangle it in front of her nose, do what they wanna do and move on, leaving her bitter and more desperate. It’s awful and men like that need instant justice, if you ask me. But since you didn’t, let’s move on.
So, a man meets a woman in her late 30s, beautiful, stylish, great job, independent and single. Her guard down, she let it slip that she is looking forward to becoming a wife and mum now that her career is at a cruising altitude. He smacks his lips and sinks his teeth into her. He knows he will not marry her or even allow his seeds get anywhere near her womb but he still strings her along, probably waste another one year she can ill afford. When he has had his fill, he discards her like used tissue paper and moves on. Another one comes along and goes as far as introducing her to his family, and then zooms of just when she thinks they have something going. She tries a younger man, lets him use her cars which he also deploys to taking his sweet 16s to the movies. He worships her . She keeps the juice flowing and when he’s done sucking the juice out of her orange, he throws her away.
Isn’t that what you do when you are done with an orange? Truth is, a single-and-desperately-searching- senior- babe goes through so much. Her self esteem is left battered. The men walking through her life leave her damaged. And for as long as she is determined to settle-down-by-fire-or-by-force, she’s putty, easy prey and vulnerable. The predators will continue to mill around her and milk her. Yes, getting married is good. Marriage itself is a good thing once you get the bone of your bones but if you are unlucky to end up with someone else’s bone stuck in your throat, you will gasp all the way to your grave or into a wheel chair.
There is nothing wrong in wanting a man by your side, in your bed, one you can call your own with a license to prove it and a Certificate of Occupancy for good measure but if you buy the wrong property, you cannot occupy it or you do so at the risk of broken life or limbs or both. And that is why every mature babe should avoid that desperate zone. It is in every woman’s path. Some get married before they get there, others must pass through it. So if you must, make sure you happen to the desperate zone, don’t let it happen to you.
In other words, take charge because at the end of the day, it is your life. When you take a wrong turn in the road, always remember that you are in the driver’s seat. You can stop and mope and you can choose to turn and make a fresh start. Do not allow men to turn you into a ping pong ball, a pawn on their chess board, a topic over their evening beer. Okay, I admit that it is easier said than done, especially when menopause is staring you in the face. But never ever forget that the same process that gets you pregnant is the same one that gets you HIV. Ah, you didn’t think of that? There you have it.
Don’t get so desperate as to get sucked in into having unprotected sex with every man who comes your way just because you want to beat your biological clock. You may be signing your death warrant. Resist the temptation to think each man that comes along is the one you’d been waiting for. You may even decide to make do with the chicken since you couldn’t find the pigeon but never lose sight of the fact that it is your choice, your life. A little slip can have you careering into disaster.
Tell yourself constantly that this is just a phase and if you have made it this far, even this phase will pass. Beyond this cloud is a silver lining. Do not let these men take advantage of you. You actually should turn the table and use them, if you get my drift. Now, if you wake up one morning vomiting and hating your favourite perfume ( I still can’t stand the one I wore on my wedding day till today), you should just waltz through that desperate zone. Don’t spend a minute longer. If the man responsible for your thickening waist decides to disgrace his father by denying responsibility, just shake your head and sing; It shall be permanent What the Lord has done for me It shall be permanent.
Don’t lose any sleep. Concentrate on your pregnancy and start shopping like crazy. Buy the best kaftans and sexiest flowing tops. He is a coward who didn’t learn anything his mother taught him. We all should be ashamed of him because one day, like a prodigal son, he’ll return with his stupid tail in between his legs to ask for his son or come claim his daughter or twins when they become stars. So thank God who did not let you labour in vain. Carry your pregnancy with pride and let him worry about his cowardice
. That child is essentially yours, a sign that God still answers prayers. And you know God does not share His glory with anybody. Now, that you can no longer be called unfruitful vine, why should your blood pressure not be normal? The worst thing you can do when a coward impregnates you is not appreciating God’s favour, by fixating on the shivering bloke. Your baby will be born with all his features, bald head, sexy eyes, dimples and that little dark birth mark on his shoulder will be right where the whole world can see it on your baby. Trust me. Such babies always arrive with their DNA certificates.
Wow wat a wonderful Write. Funke l feel like kissing U̶̲̥̅̊ dis mng, ur column is always a bomb. Hw l wish U̶̲̥̅̊ open a church somewhere around Lagos l will donate myself free for ur ministery
Funke infact, you tu much D Almighty God will bless you. U will never been regret of givin such a Nice Advise to all my sister out their. Tanks u N givs more.
Iam searching!
Iam searching! 08091661719
In as much as I will agree with some of your write ups,I will at the same time not agree with some.why don’t we begine to find out why most ladies get to tha desperate stage in their lives where they pass through all sorts of stress in a bid to settle down with a man they can call their husband.every woman no matter how ugly or beautiful they may look must have have different men seeking for their hands in marriage before they get to 23yrs,but they won’t choose any either bcs they feel that mr right hasn’t come yet,or that she,s too young for marriage,or that she’s still pursuing a career,or that she’s still too beautiful to for any man to have,or bcs of her demands,etc etc.inasmuch as am not saying that a girl must marry any man that comes her way,she should also know that time on their side is limited.our girls of nowadayz
The solution is for such ladies to agree with the man to be with him, even if he wants to marry more than one. After all, they (such ladies) have what it takes (financially) to survive with or without the man’s financial assistance.
10 GBOSAA FOR YOU FUNKE!!!
The writer has said it all and the article is well written,however from personal experience which i hope funke learns from.I once dated a very violent lady who has been married twice to no avail with two kids.She told me how she has always been the victim in the marriage which made her leave,and the bagged the social stigma of a two time divorcee.As usual i did my best to the angel in the life of this lady in the so called desperate zone to the detriment of my reputation which i took years to build and still building.She took that as an added advantage and wanted to take me for a ride because i did not want to be like the two previous heartless men she loved with all her heart only to get heartbroken.
Time they say heals,i got to understand that she was in the so called desperate zone because of her lack of character.She was physically abusive and it got to a point i had to beat her mercilessly which is not me.(i’m not glorifying violence against women as i have never done such before)When i discovered she was use to having her ways and the only way to resolve issues was being confrontational i took the exit door and married a year later so as not to keep her hopes up we will make up.
Every woman should behave like a woman and not brute.A man can walk up to any lady and date her if he has what it takes,but not so with a woman.I truly believe most virtuous women are no longer on the desperate zone cos they are hard to find.Work on yourself as a woman.Check your life and ask yourself if i were to be a man can i date myself?if your answer is no don’t expect any man to date you.I believe no one is perfect,but some perfections are tolerable while some are unbearable.I am not perfect and my wife is not perfect,but life with her is not an uphill task or walking on eggshell.
If you have daughters please put in time to make them one of a kind,it will give you rest of mind in your old age and nothing like desperate zone for them.Check out 90% of women in desperate zone,they are difficult,terrible,nagging,sensitive and ubiquitous specie of what a woman should be.
WHAT DO U EXPECT FROM A DESPERATE LADY WHO HAS BEEN PARADING HERSELF LIKE A TURUTURU. AFTER SAMPLING ALL THE MEN AND SHE WANTS TO TIE ONE DOWN AT THE AGE OF 4O/45. I GOT MARRIED WHEN I DON’T KNOW THE TASTE OF MONEY. SO LADIES, FOLLOW SUITE.
All well said but some are just unlucky and also i think we have scarcity of eligible men may be the economy is also a factor. May God help our sisters and daughters.
Marrital Delayance has really become Time Bomb of our Time;Unfaithfulness on the part of our Ladies has worsen things over the Years ! Most ladies compares them selves to male conterpart,they feel they can act the way they wish thus given room to Competitions……
These has really Discouraged Many from getting Married! Men are Unique in Nature,they marry when,Where and at will so men never give a Dawn about who stands out or Inn.
Both men and women has their desperate zone! As a guy its not easy either. As for our female folks,marriage is not a do or die affair. If a lady is financially bouyant the issue of a husband shouldn’t constitute any desperation. Its all about ones mindset towards anything that makes it looks indispensable. Desperation in every facets subjects one Toprey . Simple truth is:avoid desperation be it in marriage , finances etc
Mariage is sweet but u can also live fulfilled as a single (mother) pls avoid desperation
Aunty Funke, do you notice that those that mostly react to your pro – ladies’ articles are men? Its high time you began to write about men. I think we love and cherish you more, than those ladies who would not even know your efforts for them in your column. We learn about us, and also learn about them. Only very few of them learn about us. That is why it seems af if we are always having upper hand. They only read stupid love magazines that will even worsen their case. Men are the ones taking the moral lessons targeted on ladies. Please, write about men next Sunday. We love you!
I REALLY AGREE WITH MR SOLUTION. PLS AUNTY FUNKE., I REALLY WIAH U WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT US MEN. THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
I LOVE THIS ARTICLE.
Thank you, sister!
Women r nt posting comments coz they hav nt read it.The fact is that most Nigerian women dont lyk reading. They prefer watching Nigerian movies where they watch lies(imaginations that dont or seldom happen in our societal setting). Women should learn hw to read lyk men as wel.
great article
commendable piece of article