When a woman thinks her biological clock is ticking, she is vulnerable. When she begins to set wedding dates between one birthday and the next, she is easy prey. When all she has achieved and is achieving pale into insignificance beside her desire to ‘settle down’, that is when she becomes a plaything in the hands of men. She is finally in that place called the desperate zone. Here, she can no longer see a simple friendship for what it is.
She reads meaning into everything her boyfriend says even when the guy can’t remember what he said or when he said it. Every man who winks or smiles at her is a prospective husband. She attends every singles meeting in her church and every church, believing Mr Right is hidden in next week’s singles summit or at worst at the end of the year ‘love feast for singles’. She watches out for such themes as ‘ I must marry this year’ on church posters. She is obsessed, totally desperate. She is at that point where she feels incomplete, and that is putting it mildly. Most women actually at this point feel like failures.
They feel all the witches and wizards in their villages are behind the problem. The evil ones have covered their faces with evil veil or caged their prospective husbands. That could be true and it may be far off the mark. I have learnt not to tell a desperate 37 or 40 year old woman searching for a husband that I know how she feels. It just does not work. What further compounds the troubles of the 40-year-old desperate sister is the army of marauding opportunist males who know what she wants, dangle it in front of her nose, do what they wanna do and move on, leaving her bitter and more desperate. It’s awful and men like that need instant justice, if you ask me. But since you didn’t, let’s move on.
So, a man meets a woman in her late 30s, beautiful, stylish, great job, independent and single. Her guard down, she let it slip that she is looking forward to becoming a wife and mum now that her career is at a cruising altitude. He smacks his lips and sinks his teeth into her. He knows he will not marry her or even allow his seeds get anywhere near her womb but he still strings her along, probably waste another one year she can ill afford. When he has had his fill, he discards her like used tissue paper and moves on. Another one comes along and goes as far as introducing her to his family, and then zooms of just when she thinks they have something going. She tries a younger man, lets him use her cars which he also deploys to taking his sweet 16s to the movies. He worships her . She keeps the juice flowing and when he’s done sucking the juice out of her orange, he throws her away.
Isn’t that what you do when you are done with an orange? Truth is, a single-and-desperately-searching- senior- babe goes through so much. Her self esteem is left battered. The men walking through her life leave her damaged. And for as long as she is determined to settle-down-by-fire-or-by-force, she’s putty, easy prey and vulnerable. The predators will continue to mill around her and milk her. Yes, getting married is good. Marriage itself is a good thing once you get the bone of your bones but if you are unlucky to end up with someone else’s bone stuck in your throat, you will gasp all the way to your grave or into a wheel chair.
There is nothing wrong in wanting a man by your side, in your bed, one you can call your own with a license to prove it and a Certificate of Occupancy for good measure but if you buy the wrong property, you cannot occupy it or you do so at the risk of broken life or limbs or both. And that is why every mature babe should avoid that desperate zone. It is in every woman’s path. Some get married before they get there, others must pass through it. So if you must, make sure you happen to the desperate zone, don’t let it happen to you.
In other words, take charge because at the end of the day, it is your life. When you take a wrong turn in the road, always remember that you are in the driver’s seat. You can stop and mope and you can choose to turn and make a fresh start. Do not allow men to turn you into a ping pong ball, a pawn on their chess board, a topic over their evening beer. Okay, I admit that it is easier said than done, especially when menopause is staring you in the face. But never ever forget that the same process that gets you pregnant is the same one that gets you HIV. Ah, you didn’t think of that? There you have it.
Don’t get so desperate as to get sucked in into having unprotected sex with every man who comes your way just because you want to beat your biological clock. You may be signing your death warrant. Resist the temptation to think each man that comes along is the one you’d been waiting for. You may even decide to make do with the chicken since you couldn’t find the pigeon but never lose sight of the fact that it is your choice, your life. A little slip can have you careering into disaster.
Tell yourself constantly that this is just a phase and if you have made it this far, even this phase will pass. Beyond this cloud is a silver lining. Do not let these men take advantage of you. You actually should turn the table and use them, if you get my drift. Now, if you wake up one morning vomiting and hating your favourite perfume ( I still can’t stand the one I wore on my wedding day till today), you should just waltz through that desperate zone. Don’t spend a minute longer. If the man responsible for your thickening waist decides to disgrace his father by denying responsibility, just shake your head and sing; It shall be permanent What the Lord has done for me It shall be permanent.
Don’t lose any sleep. Concentrate on your pregnancy and start shopping like crazy. Buy the best kaftans and sexiest flowing tops. He is a coward who didn’t learn anything his mother taught him. We all should be ashamed of him because one day, like a prodigal son, he’ll return with his stupid tail in between his legs to ask for his son or come claim his daughter or twins when they become stars. So thank God who did not let you labour in vain. Carry your pregnancy with pride and let him worry about his cowardice
. That child is essentially yours, a sign that God still answers prayers. And you know God does not share His glory with anybody. Now, that you can no longer be called unfruitful vine, why should your blood pressure not be normal? The worst thing you can do when a coward impregnates you is not appreciating God’s favour, by fixating on the shivering bloke. Your baby will be born with all his features, bald head, sexy eyes, dimples and that little dark birth mark on his shoulder will be right where the whole world can see it on your baby. Trust me. Such babies always arrive with their DNA certificates.