A river that forgets its source…


Koko: Have you ever heard the story of Obun?

Kaka: Obun, is that not the Yoruba word for a dirty person?

Koko: Good boy, that is it. But the story is really about a dirty woman.

Kaka: I hope you are not implying that women are dirty?

Koko: I am implying no such thing and don’t distract me from this interesting story.

Kaka: So, what did Obun do?

Koko: She was a very dirty woman. She bathed once in a while. Lice went about their business, unhindered, between her head and neck. She smelled worse than something the cat dragged in. she was simply the epitome of filth. Then her husband died.

Kaka: Perhaps the filth and stench killed him.

Koko: Let us not bother with the post-mortem results. All that matters is Obun now finally had excuse to become fully filthy.

Kaka: She became a member of the chartered institute of filth?

Koko: Exactly. Those who came to commiserate with her covered  their noses as they consoled her.

Kaka: Poor folks. I hope nobody puked on the floor of the mourning room.

Koko: We thank Obun’s chi for preventing things from degenerating to that level. However when this Queen of filth noticed that her visitors were all covering their mouths and noses, she smiled, yellowed teeth and all, and told them to understand her situation, that it was her husband’s death that had prevented her from taking her bath and tidying up the house.

Kaka: Stupid woman. Was she not bathing once a month before her husband died?

Koko: Well, she had had to blame the filth and evil odour on somebody or something.

Kaka: Nonsense. Did anybody buy her story? But wait oh, this your story reminds me of what is happening in Abia state. Is that where Obun lived?

Koko: Is there any cover-up or pretext game going on there?

Kaka: Well, hasn’t the present administration held the past administration responsible for everything since the present king came on the throne?

Koko: A throne built in his absence and a coronation done while he was being held in a dungeon somewhere…

Kaka: That is even worse than Obun’s case. At least Obun agreed that she was filthy. She had enough decency to admit her filth was all her making.

Koko: In Abia it is different. The king is harassing his ancestors, raining abuses on them instead of pouring libation.

Kaka: Very sad. Such kings always end badly. Those who forget where they are coming from always take wrong turns in the road and never get to their destinations.

Koko: The Yoruba say a river that forgets its source will definitely dry up.

Kaka: Perhaps it is the fear of imminent trouble that is at the root of the tension in Abia.

Koko: There is no tension. The cat simply returned from his trip and the rat has scampered for safety. Mr Orji simply has to come to terms with the new arrangement. Rats who try to dare cats always end up in the belly of the cat.

Kaka: But why would the return of your benefactor from a long journey cause you to go into panic mode?

Koko: Maybe I have something to hide? You know the story of the unprofitable servant in the Bible? He couldn’t roll out the drums when his master returned because he messed up while the Lord of the Manor was away.

Kaka: So, now, Dr Orji Uzor Kalu’s return to the PDP in his ward, as stipulated by that party’s law, has become an issue.

Koko: But Kalu is like the bone tied to the dog’s neck. The dog is stuck with it. Its only way out will be suicidal. The dog has to adjust to its situation to avoid any suicidal attempt to remove the bone.

Kaka: In other words Mr T.A, Orji should get used to the fact Chief Orji Uzor Kalu is back in PDP for good.

Koko: That is the only thing good for his health.

Kaka: That’s right. A king can never be bigger than his ancestors even if he has refused to pay homage to them. It is always better to accept what you cannot change. But I still don’t understand those two people. A man helps his brother when he was drowning, pulled him out of the deep, took him to the palace and placed him on the throne only for the new king to start plotting to drown his benefactor. What kind of man does that?

Koko: I can come up with at least 10 adjectives for such a man but what’s the point? We would not be telling him what he doesn’t already know.

Kaka: Did Mr Orji actually sponsor people to go to Wadata Plaza to protest the return of Kalu to PDP, the man who took him into his first political party ever? Did he actually think being a governor mean you could forget how you became a governor?

Koko: Let us assume he didn’t put those hungry unemployable people in a night bus to go and do that dance of shame in Abuja.

Kaka: What about all those who were sponsored to stop the issuance of the new membership card to Kalu?

Koko: Let us forgive them. Maybe nobody sponsored them. You know some people were born with patents for laziness and mischief. The bottom line now is Kalu is back and the dance of shame must stop. The dancers should know which side their bread is buttered. The die is cast, their fate is sealed because the owner of the house is back.

Kaka: It reminds me of this song we used to sing after winning a Student Union election to rub the faces of the opponent in their defeat:

We have secured this victory

Whoever does not like it

He is free to hit his head on the ground

Or better still, jump inside a latrine.

Koko: Yes o. The days of blaming for Kalu for lack of rainfall or too much rain in Abia is over. Kalu knew how PDP got to Abia. He knew how PPA got there and now that he’s back in PDP in the state where he was governor for eight years, those who think they are tin gods should know that tins can be crushed underfoot by the kind of boots heading their way as we speak.

Kaka: Those who have not been able to impregnate their wives and have blamed it on Kalu will have to come up with new excuses. The days of a governor listing ‘no more godfather’ as an achievement and a dividend of democracy is finally here.

Koko: This PDP membership card has been irrevocably issued. It has both NAFDAC and SON certification numbers. Kalu is back and those who have been catching cold each time he sneezes should grab a sweater.

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  1. I feel like crying. I feel like jumping. Oh tears of joy. Egbemode, your kind of work is soul lifting. OUK is a household name. OUK is like soccer. We love OUK. Eat OUK. Drink OUK. Think OUK. . . . To God be the glory, great things He has done!

  2. Hey! I feel like crying. I feel like jumping. Oh tears of joy. Egbemode, your kind of work is soul lifting. OUK is a household name. OUK is like soccer. We love OUK. Eat OUK. Drink OUK. Think OUK. . . . To God be the glory, great things He has done!

  3. Dear Madam Funke, please stay out of other people’s hullabaloo, “wahala” and “kata kata”, because it pays to do that! Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! What is the meaning of: “The dancers should know which side their bread is buttered”? This piece (write-up) seems to be saying: “The WRITER knows which side her bread is buttered”, otherwise I cannot fathom the meaning of: “There is no tension. The cat simply returned from his trip and the rat has scampered for safety. Mr Orji simply has to come to terms with the new arrangement. Rats who try to dare cats always end up in the belly of the cat.”
    We (your readers) love you when you are OBJECTIVE in your analyses! Let politicians “bury their filth and ‘poto poto” by themselves, because they know how to be friends when you least expect it!


  5. Seun Owokolade on

    Madam I go to any length every sunday morning to read your articles. I do that because I see objectivity each time I look at the back page of Sunday sun, and I must advise you to stay that way. Orji and Kalu are politicians who only laugh and sing other people’s praise when things work in their Favour and do otherwise when things don’t go their ways. I think you should stay out of their dirty politics because you will not be there when they do backyard deals.

  6. I’m start to develop phobia against Sun news paper, why suddenly become family of the anti people’s party (PDP) the reason is not far fetch because ur pay master is returning to the most corrupted party in Africa, please, if you don’t have better thing to offer, live the common people alone.

  7. jolayemi kunle on

    Good work, don’t mind those critics, the truth has been told, he who have ear should take heed less he fall.
    just as going to church on sunday as become part of me, son also is reading your article has swallow my appetite. PDP may be rottened, as at today no other party got the structure or corrupt free that should be celebrated.

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  9. PDP belongs to no one so also other party, PDP is a party one can join anytime, anyday. Orji Uzo Kalu is my man, he allowed the poor to eat during his tenure but this other Orji is something else. For this writer, I like ur charisma, keep it up.

  10. We are enjoying journalism, nay, mass communication. The Editor is demostrating the ingredients of journalism; and those commentators who are not in agreement with the Editor’s reflection need to be more civil in their comments.

  11. Dear Funke, what did orji do for 8 yrs he held sway as gov? must u be in power by force? please be objective in ur write ups. That T A was made governor by his predecessor equally shows how greedy d former gov was for not wanting any1 to probe him after leaving office and by forcing his ‘candidates’ on Abians

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