Koko: Have you ever heard the story of Obun?
Kaka: Obun, is that not the Yoruba word for a dirty person?
Koko: Good boy, that is it. But the story is really about a dirty woman.
Kaka: I hope you are not implying that women are dirty?
Koko: I am implying no such thing and don’t distract me from this interesting story.
Kaka: So, what did Obun do?
Koko: She was a very dirty woman. She bathed once in a while. Lice went about their business, unhindered, between her head and neck. She smelled worse than something the cat dragged in. she was simply the epitome of filth. Then her husband died.
Kaka: Perhaps the filth and stench killed him.
Koko: Let us not bother with the post-mortem results. All that matters is Obun now finally had excuse to become fully filthy.
Kaka: She became a member of the chartered institute of filth?
Koko: Exactly. Those who came to commiserate with her covered their noses as they consoled her.
Kaka: Poor folks. I hope nobody puked on the floor of the mourning room.
Koko: We thank Obun’s chi for preventing things from degenerating to that level. However when this Queen of filth noticed that her visitors were all covering their mouths and noses, she smiled, yellowed teeth and all, and told them to understand her situation, that it was her husband’s death that had prevented her from taking her bath and tidying up the house.
Kaka: Stupid woman. Was she not bathing once a month before her husband died?
Koko: Well, she had had to blame the filth and evil odour on somebody or something.
Kaka: Nonsense. Did anybody buy her story? But wait oh, this your story reminds me of what is happening in Abia state. Is that where Obun lived?
Koko: Is there any cover-up or pretext game going on there?
Kaka: Well, hasn’t the present administration held the past administration responsible for everything since the present king came on the throne?
Koko: A throne built in his absence and a coronation done while he was being held in a dungeon somewhere…
Kaka: That is even worse than Obun’s case. At least Obun agreed that she was filthy. She had enough decency to admit her filth was all her making.
Koko: In Abia it is different. The king is harassing his ancestors, raining abuses on them instead of pouring libation.
Kaka: Very sad. Such kings always end badly. Those who forget where they are coming from always take wrong turns in the road and never get to their destinations.
Koko: The Yoruba say a river that forgets its source will definitely dry up.
Kaka: Perhaps it is the fear of imminent trouble that is at the root of the tension in Abia.
Koko: There is no tension. The cat simply returned from his trip and the rat has scampered for safety. Mr Orji simply has to come to terms with the new arrangement. Rats who try to dare cats always end up in the belly of the cat.
Kaka: But why would the return of your benefactor from a long journey cause you to go into panic mode?
Koko: Maybe I have something to hide? You know the story of the unprofitable servant in the Bible? He couldn’t roll out the drums when his master returned because he messed up while the Lord of the Manor was away.
Kaka: So, now, Dr Orji Uzor Kalu’s return to the PDP in his ward, as stipulated by that party’s law, has become an issue.
Koko: But Kalu is like the bone tied to the dog’s neck. The dog is stuck with it. Its only way out will be suicidal. The dog has to adjust to its situation to avoid any suicidal attempt to remove the bone.
Kaka: In other words Mr T.A, Orji should get used to the fact Chief Orji Uzor Kalu is back in PDP for good.
Koko: That is the only thing good for his health.
Kaka: That’s right. A king can never be bigger than his ancestors even if he has refused to pay homage to them. It is always better to accept what you cannot change. But I still don’t understand those two people. A man helps his brother when he was drowning, pulled him out of the deep, took him to the palace and placed him on the throne only for the new king to start plotting to drown his benefactor. What kind of man does that?
Koko: I can come up with at least 10 adjectives for such a man but what’s the point? We would not be telling him what he doesn’t already know.
Kaka: Did Mr Orji actually sponsor people to go to Wadata Plaza to protest the return of Kalu to PDP, the man who took him into his first political party ever? Did he actually think being a governor mean you could forget how you became a governor?
Koko: Let us assume he didn’t put those hungry unemployable people in a night bus to go and do that dance of shame in Abuja.
Kaka: What about all those who were sponsored to stop the issuance of the new membership card to Kalu?
Koko: Let us forgive them. Maybe nobody sponsored them. You know some people were born with patents for laziness and mischief. The bottom line now is Kalu is back and the dance of shame must stop. The dancers should know which side their bread is buttered. The die is cast, their fate is sealed because the owner of the house is back.
Kaka: It reminds me of this song we used to sing after winning a Student Union election to rub the faces of the opponent in their defeat:
We have secured this victory
Whoever does not like it
He is free to hit his head on the ground
Or better still, jump inside a latrine.
Koko: Yes o. The days of blaming for Kalu for lack of rainfall or too much rain in Abia is over. Kalu knew how PDP got to Abia. He knew how PPA got there and now that he’s back in PDP in the state where he was governor for eight years, those who think they are tin gods should know that tins can be crushed underfoot by the kind of boots heading their way as we speak.
Kaka: Those who have not been able to impregnate their wives and have blamed it on Kalu will have to come up with new excuses. The days of a governor listing ‘no more godfather’ as an achievement and a dividend of democracy is finally here.
Koko: This PDP membership card has been irrevocably issued. It has both NAFDAC and SON certification numbers. Kalu is back and those who have been catching cold each time he sneezes should grab a sweater.