Sex is a healthy part of life. It is a basic part of human nature. It is perfectly normal and healthy to have a good libido, but for some people, it can become all consuming. It is troubling when sexual desire can go from being healthy to out of control.

For sex addicts, sex becomes a primary focus in their lives. There is this overwhelming need for sex and its pursuit often takes precedence over all other things in their lives. From family, to career, to personal health, as well as safety and relationships.

Sex addicts very often engage in risky behaviours, including unprotected sex and seeking stimulation in dangerous situations.

In this clime, sex addicts remain in denial even when the signs are very obvious. It is in most cases believed to be a spiritual attack or that one is cursed by the gods.

Sex addiction according to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) is ‘a persistent and escalating pattern of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others.’

The difference between enjoying sex and being addicted to sex is often very glaring. A healthy sexual appetite can be controlled when sex is not available, though disappointing but not devastating; but with sexual addiction, the addict feels desperate to have his or her sexual  needs met by any means possible and they go out of their way to get it.

Sex addiction is a disorder that is characterized by persistent and out of control sexual thoughts and acts that has negative impact on the individual’s life. They struggle to control or postpone sexual feelings. Most sex addicts don’t know how to be genuinely intimate with their partners.They are just focused on the sex acts and not on any form of connection.

Behaviours associated with sex addiction include compulsive masturbation, multiple sexual affairs, even extra marital, anonymous sex partners strings of one night stands and frequent use of pornography.

Other behaviours associated with sex addiction include consistent need for phone or computer sex, frequent visits to prostitutes, watching others have sex, stalking a sex partner, using sex to cope with problems or needing more sex to feel normal, as well as repetitive engagement in sexual activity despite negative consequences.

In extreme cases, the person engages in criminal activities, including stalking, rape, incest, or child molestation. Like other forms of addictions, sex addicts often feel great shame about what they are doing, especially after the act.

In moments of remorse, they tell themselves, “This is the last time I’m ever going to do this again” but before they even realize it, they are back at it. Faced with the same sexual situation, they lose control easily.

They want to quit and they try to quit, but they just can’t seem to stop. Most times, their actions get to the point where their fantasies and behaviours go against their core values and beliefs such as safe sex and marital fidelity.

Because of this, most sex addicts lead double lives, putting a great deal of effort into separating and compartmentalizing their sex life, their work and family life.

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Causes of sex addiction

Most sex addicts had some form of abuse or neglect as kids and often see themselves as damaged in the process. Some where exposed to ponorgraphy earlier in life by their parents or care givers. Others believe it is genetic because their parents were sex addicts themselves.

This suggests that it could be both genetic and environmental. Stress and emotional pain also fuel compulsive sexual behaviour by feeding the addict’s need for withdrawal and fantasy.

Sex addicts are not really people who crave lots of sex to a large extent, they have social inhibition and unresolved early-life trauma, unresolved problems of stress, anxiety, depression, shame that drive their risky sexual behaviour.

Both women and men are susceptible to developing an addiction to sex, but it happens far more frequently in men. Male and female sex addicts often behave and talk about their behaviour quite differently. As such, men acting is typical and easily recognizable as purely sexual forms. Conversely, female sex addicts tend to view and talk about their compulsive sexual behaviour in terms of romance and relationships.

Treatment

Shame is a huge factor, particularly with sex addicts, many never seek professional help and they continue to live in denial, reasons most of their desires spin out of control. 

Seeking professional help in treating your escalating sexual needs saves you from falling deeper. The professionals are the only ones with the knowledge of what you are battling with. Don’t let it degenerate to a point where you lose your job or you go to jail on grounds of sexual harassment, rape or molestation for you to seek help. That will be disgraceful because you will make news headlines.

Many sex addicts in the western world end up receiving court mandated treatments after being convicted of sex related crimes, but that’s not same in our clime, ours end up in jail and come out even more damaged.

Stay away from ponorgraphy either on screen, magazines or stressful situations that can trigger off sexual urges. If isolating yourself most times makes you horny, then stick around positive people who are mentally engaging and try as much to block every urge to think about sex.

Constantly remind your  self that your penis will not fall off if you don’t have sex, neither are you going to die without sex.  Control your mind and your sex organ because you are the boss. Sex should be with a willing partner, not forcefully taken nor with as minor.

Once you can’t seem to control your need to have sex, talk to a psychiatrist or even a counsellor. You need to get all the help you need before it is too late.