If you find your friend’s partner cheating, would you tell your friend?
What if your friend finds out your partner is cheating on you, would you want them to tell you or not? Your partner cheated on you and wishes to come clean to you out of guilt, would you forgive?
Growing up, most of us certainly would have told ourselves, or whoever cared to listen that we would leave any man or woman that cheats, with no hesitation, no second chance. You cheat? Then it’s over, but with time we realize this is better a theory than reality, especially for the female folks in this clime, though most men would like to know if their partners also cheat.
Take this real scenario for instance: He’s happily married with kids, very well respected. His wife was caught pants down with another man in a hotel room by his friend. When the news got to him, he only took a deep breath and thanked whoever brought the bad news, then walked away. It was a huge issue when he refused to divorce his wife. There was nothing anybody could do, he just told them he wasn’t interested in hearing anything, that whatever happened between his wife and himself was none of their business. Till date, they are still married, but his friendship with his friend didn’t survive it.
Who wouldn’t want to know if his partner is cheating? You may say that person is just living in denial, or that anyone who keeps such secret from a friend is not a good friend.
But do not forget that after they settle their fight on the cheating you reported, they may start avoiding you, because you are a threat to their marriage; what of the regrets that come with the constant fights and eventual divorce? Just how your inability to keep your mouth shut led to their break up. If they separate, you the reporter is the loser, because either of them sees you as the enemy, if they decide to work on their differences by sticking together, you are still the loser because they must definitely give you the cold treatment.
The truth is people mess up, I mean good, responsible and decent people mess up too. They do stupid things. And calling it quits with your marriage, particularly where kids are involved is a lot harder to do. But until you are in it, you may never know.
It’s easier to quit a relationship when one is single and finds out his or her partner is cheating, but it’s not that easy doing same when one is married, quitting every time one finds out his or her partner is cheating leaves one a serial monogamist and what’s the guarantee your next partner won’t cheat on you?
Some unfaithful individuals are often emotionally wrecked with guilt. Maybe it was a one-night stand and they are not usually the type that cheat, they would want to confess and be forgiven, because they can’t stand the burden of guilt. But how does that confession help the person who has been betrayed? Not everyone can handle your truth and sincerity. They are left feeling hurt, angry, betrayed and with the added burden of having to decide whether to forgive and trust again. If you have been unfaithful and you honestly believe it was a one-off mistake, then learn from your mistake and have the constant reminder of guilt to prevent you from straying again.
Partners who feel awfully guilty about cheating and wish to come clean to their partner, should know that this singular confession may just murder trust. Even if your partner forgives you, they could be obsessively checking your phones and monitoring your movements, which you may not find funny. Also be ready, because most times when you have arguments he or she may always remind you of how you cheated. You get constantly punished for one big mistake of cheating and coming clean.
You may seek God’s forgiveness and promise yourself never to cheat again, but you may want to keep such information to yourself, because it may lead to your divorce or total breakdown of the marriage.
If you find my partner messing around, I don’t want to know, so long as he’s discreet about it. If you have time and guts, confront my partner on my behalf, encourage him to change his ways, but don’t come tell me, I am not interested in such information one bit, I am not looking forward to leaving my marriage or fighting an endless fight. I don’t wish to start snooping around for whatever, checking his phone and living on the edge, because someone told me my hubby is cheating. I cannot run the risk of suspicion and resentment eating up my relationship from the inside and ultimately end up destroying my marriage.
Call it living in denial, or the African woman’s mentality, I just want to be happy and if not knowing makes me happy, then leave me out of such information. I would rather catch my husband or partner red handed while he is cheating and fight my fight with him, than let you report such to me and have you to blame when everything goes wrong.
Know your place in people’s lives, so you don’t overstep.