The Sun News

Never reignite old flames this Christmas

Wow! Tomorrow is Christmas, the highpoint of the Yuletide. It is a busy season where you spend so much and it is highly stressful too. But aside all this, this is also the most romantic time of the year.

Despite the fact that we are trying to navigate through the sea of parties and reunions, we still find time to take long walks, hold hands with our spouses while staring at the twinkling stars. It is the moment of cozying up around and watching our favourite movies with a bottle of cold drink; we are all just feeling merry and drowning ourselves in love.

It is a wonderful time of the year and a tempting period too, especially when you see love birds all around and you are single. You might be tempted to pine for an ex.

Moreover, this season is a period you are filled with regrets and you start feeling nostalgic for an ex. It is the season you get your emotions running riot and if care is not taken you might get your mind messed up.

It is really hard when you are single during the festive period. It can be scary, crazy because this is the season many people get engaged and marry. You are hopping from one wedding ceremony to the other and you have no special someone. So, you are easily tempted to just give an ex a call or drop a message in his/her inbox.

Besides, I might not understand the depth of your feelings when you see friends and family exchanging cherry notes but I know that these can make you feel like there is something lacking in your life. More so, this will exacerbate your loneliness but tread with caution so that you won’t be thrown into an emotional tailspin. Do you know what the holiday season can do to your head? It puts us all in this fantasy like trance where we think everything is so blissful.

Moreover, I am of the opinion that once you have been in a relationship with someone and you have been through the good times and old times together, going back isn’t likely going to work out.

If you were treated shabbily the first time, there is a high probability that he is going to do it over and over again.

I know women who still cling to the memories of their first love and if given an opportunity they would jump back into such relationship. No matter how badly they were treated they still believe that their first love is their true love that they can’t let go.

There is a woman I know who keeps stalking her ex-lover on Facebook. This guy is married but she keeps flipping through his social media pages. She even has his recent picture on her phone. She is crazy, isn’t she?

I have heard stories of couples who fight and reconcile every now and then. They keep fighting and coming back together, year in, year out. But is such behavior spurred by true love or by foolish hearts that have refused to see the truth? He didn’t treat you right and she doesn’t just understand you and you think things will change? Listen! Things can’t change. Aren’t you tired of the same old tales?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that miracles do happen but I am also aware that there are repeated mistakes too. There are instances where old love flames come back together and they live happily ever after. But there are so many others who are just fooling themselves and depriving themselves of happiness because they can’t let go of failed relationship. It is like they are enjoying the cycle of dramas and traumas of getting their heart broken and mended every time. I think these people enjoy the taste of their tears and love playing the victim. Honestly, I really don’t understand why you should reignite an old flame that treated you badly. I don’t get why you should take back someone who dumped you for any other person. How magically was his touch? How great was she in bed? Please I need to understand these things.

Some years back, I was told of a woman who left her husband for an old flame because she said that was her true love. But the relationship was short lived because the loser left her for another woman.  According to him, he couldn’t again get the magic she gave him years ago.

So, to everyone reading this and who is in this kind of situation, please this Christmas get a good grip of your emotions. Purge yourself of those feelings and concentrate on something more profitable. You don’t deserve to be jilted over and over again. Place a high value on your self-worth and don’t let people pick you up at will. Dictate your own tune.  Moreover, I understand that Christmas comes with some vibes that makes us reflect back on happy times especially when single. Romantically speaking, I know that this is the moment we have those feelings more and these emotions can be unnerving. Never let anyone be in charge of your own happiness. Stop being eager to get back into his arms, he doesn’t worth all that trouble. Don’t be among the women who get passed around by their supposed true love. Wake up to reality and you will be shocked at how quickly you will find another true love. If he dumped you, then let his rejection propel you into a different life.

However, there are other reasons why an ex can get attracted to an old flame. Firstly, if your ex senses that you are no longer the timid person that he was used to, he might want you back. If your ex thinks you are now more successful than you were he might want you back. The status change can stir up all sorts of unexplored feelings and you suddenly fit perfectly well into the puzzle. However, it is not only success that rouses these feelings. For some they show up when you are about getting married and come on bended knees.

Also, I have heard many stories of an ex showing up when the marriage date has been fixed. They are filled with regrets at this point and want to make amends but don’t give any listening ears, treat them with casual disregard and let them know you have moved on.

However, for everyone who had gone through a bad break up, there are always gnawing questions of why it happened that way and you wished there was an explanation from that ex. But I tell you, rekindling old flames won’t make this person give you an honest explanation of what happened in the past.

So, when you get caught up in that rush that makes you feel breathless and you want to throw away your sense of reasoning and make hasty decisions, remember if he treated you badly the first time, he will do it again.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not a cynic when it comes to love matters. I am a hopeless romantic who is always optimistic but I strongly feel that some old flames are not worth going back to. I think that the majority of old flames don’t worth rekindling; they are better doused with a trailer load of cold pure water.  So, guard your heart and have a Merry Christmas!!!


Re: The modern mistress creation of today’s men

Are you one of the side chics? Or are you doing advert for them? No matter how you market them the wife at home will always have the last laugh —0806388*817

I am in love with your writing prowess. Your delivery is always on point. Talking about “The modern mistress creation of today’s men’, I would say that our women are to be blamed for a plethora of reasons. More grease. Keep up the good work.

—Barr Ugah Emmanuel.

This column really touches me. I am a man but the truth must be told! Most of us that are faithful to our partners are doing so because of our low income. My close friend that stuck to his wife for years has now rented an apartment for a girlfriend he got pregnant simply because he got a job with an oil firm less than two years ago. But please always try to create some balance so that young/single ladies reading this column will not think all men are the same and start to see marriage as evil. 

–Abah Simon, Abuja

Bolatito, your reasons for proliferation of mistresses being caused by men are valid. But such would perhaps not have been the case if the causes of men’s promiscuity were not there. Men are fewer in number to women and there are so many attractive unmarried women who stir men into promiscuity by their sexy and seductive body configurations. And they are in millions across Nigeria. Some married women, particularly those who could not manage spousal relationships, also cause their men to have mistresses, married or single, most times not because those women do not desire or deserve to have husbands but because of the shortfall in the number of men to women. Whichever way one looks at it, all faiths on earth condemn “mistressing” which is a crafty cover-up for prostitution – a spiritual aberration. Without prejudice however, men are naturally handicapped by the nature of sexual relationship.

–Lai Ashadele


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