Dear njigirl,
i am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 45. We love each other very much and he wants to marry me. I am troubled because I cannot think of taking him to meet my father who just turned 50 years. I feel ashamed being with him outside the apartment that we share. We have been living together for 4 years.
Every time we go to the neighborhood restaurant, I get such ugly stares especially from older women. I love this man with all my heart and I know he loves me too and if I am sure of anything it is that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. How can I overcome my fears and this sense of shame?
ν Lilian
Dear Lilian
Often times we feel overly pressured by society instead of being guided by our own sense of what is right. There is no need to feel ashamed, fearful or embarrassed about your gentleman lover. Age is but a number, right? Still there are many who will call him names like “cradle snatcher.” After all he is old enough to be your dad. But things of the heart transcend age, social class, religion, race or culture. Things of the heart tend to have one simple and universal rule: the sweeter and fonder I get when I think of him, the more I want to be with him. He makes you feel so happy and you don’t care how old he is, right?
Well your parents care. They care enough to want to protect you. If the natural order of life was that you are born, you grow, you work, you retire and then you die, maybe they are thinking that he will die way before you leaving you a widow. It is also likely that they are thinking that since he is older (by much) that he might cheat you based on his experience in life. Both reasons are unfounded and truly they should not interfere but life is not so simple, right? So to win your parents (and maybe his), you will need to “smoothen” your dad’s reasoning and convince him that your happiness is paramount. If you love your guy as you say that you do, your passion will be displayed to your dad and he will have no reason to deny your heart’s request. Both of you will have to show that you are committed to each other and remaining together as husband and wife is the only acceptable option. Your man may have to do more convincing about his intentions to your parents. I pray they do not deny your happiness. Good luck.
ν Dr. NJ