The Sun News

Mothers-in-law vs Daughters-in-law 

A mother-in-law is either the mother of the husband or wife, but the focus here is on the mother of the man.

The mother-in-law is the woman who carried your husband for whole nine months, went through pain, gave him her all.

So, if there’s any woman on earth who can give you useful tips on how to handle your husband’s strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, it’s his mother. 

No reasonable woman would underestimate the role of her mother-in-law in the success of her marriage to her son.

The tug-of-war between mothers and daughters-in-law is an age long crisis. The constant friction and tension between these two most important women in a man’s life often arises from an assumption that each is criticising or undermining the other.

Most women accuse their mothers-in-law of showing unreasonable jealousy or love towards their sons, while the mothers in-law complain of being excluded from their sons’ lives by their wives.

The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is the most critical relationship in any family. When these two don’t get along, the resulting tension affects everyone in the family. Family members often take sides either openly or in subtle ways.

Some ladies go to the extent of praying for the death of their mothers- inlaw even while they are still single. Some are already foreseeing and preparing for war. Some women are in competition with their mothers-in-law. S

Some ladies have the mindset that if their mothers-in-law is nice to them, then they will reciprocate, but if she is hostile, then they shall return fire for fire. 

To some, the rivalry is so ingrained that it doesn’t matter how lovely their mothers-in-law or daughters-in-law are, they just can’t stand them. They take offense easily and take everything the other person says the wrong way or reject every attempt at friendship.

To some mothers-in-laws, no matter what you do, you will never measure up to their standards. You are never good enough. 

Women are more sensitive to criticism especially when it is coming from a fellow woman. The new wife can at times feel like her husband’s mother exercises too much influence on her son and feel jealous or sense of betrayal.

So, she does everything possible including using good sex as bait to make him do as she says. She wants him to be firm and not let his mom always have her way or say in their home.

Some mothers-in-laws are meddlesome.They make snide comments about your  housekeeping skills, cooking, dressing, cleaning and even child caring abilities.

They visit without prior notice, give you attitude and even insist on cooking for her sons. They often interpret the decisions of their daughters-in-law to do things differently from them whether in relation to child care, career or running the home as a rejection of their own choices.

Ladies, if there is love and healthy bond between your husband and his mom, you should  be touched by his loyalty and love for her, rather than being outraged and jealous.

Be smart and be a step ahead. Ask her about her son’s childhood or even her own life story. When she shares her life with you, she will develop a liking for you and that can lead to a strong bond between you both because you would likely find out how much she sacrificed for her son.

If she wants to help you prepare meals, allow her. Pretend to enjoy her company even if you don’t.  Never make him inaccessible to his family. Tolerate her as much possible. Even your husband will appreciate and love you more for your maturity.

Show your mother-in-law respect and gratitude for the gift of your husband. Confide in her especially if he’s not listening to you. Flatter her sometimes, but don’t over do it. Your mother-in-law can never take your place as a wife, neither can you take her place as his mother. 

Every good mother wants their children to have good marriages. Do not expect your son to always do what you want him to do anymore. If he is not carrying his wife along, encourage him to consult with her.

Do not wish and hope for your daughter-in-law to fail, cultivate a relationship with her. Stop meddling, allow them make their own mistakes.

Do not baby your son, give advice when asked or when necessary. While he is single you are his ‘first lady’, but once he’s married, kindly relinquish the title to his wife. Share some of your experiences with her without trying to offend or intrude. See and treat her like your own child.

Dear husbands, you must prevent your mothers from invading your homes. Desist from talking down on your wife in the presence of your family. You should cleave to your wife.

Do not sow unnecessary tension by discussing things with your mother that you are supposed discuss with your wife. Do not hide to give your mother gifts without your wife’s consent, you are painting your wife in a bad light when you do that.

Ladies, life is turn by turn.Today, you are the daughter-in-law, tomorrow you will become the mother-in-law. While you are praying for death to visit your mother-in-law  and preparing for war, remember that what goes around, comes around.

No one has ever won fighting her daughter or mother-in-law. It’s an evil wind that blows no one any good.


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June 2018
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