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Mistakes made early in relationships

 After months or years of dating, you finally found a guy or lady worth keeping around for a while. While the early part of a new relationship is fun and exciting, those first few weeks will also help determine whether the relationship moves forward or not.

Unfortunately, men and women get carried away by their feelings without paying attention to what goes on during that rose-coloured glasses honeymoon phase.

These men and women below share the most common mistakes they made early in their relationships.

Joan: I fell in love too fast with a player

One week after meeting my ex boyfriend, I told myself that he is the one I would spend the rest of my life with. The sad thing was that he wasn’t in a hurry to commit to our relationship. There was chemistry and a connection, but he only saw me as a fling. I later discovered he was a player who didn’t know how to love. He just loves to trick women into his bed. I fell too fast without making sure that he viewed the relationship with the same level of seriousness as I did. 

Kayode: I revealed my emotions too soon

When it comes to passionate exclamations like, “I am in love with you,” think it, but don’t say it. The early stages of a relationship usually seem so promising and even if you feel deeply comfortable, your emotions may be more advanced than theirs. I have learnt to share with my partner as much as they share with me and only if it feels right. The last girl I dated took my feelings for granted. I revealed my emotions too soon and she broke my heart. She was just after my money, but was telling me she loved me because I always tell her that.


Tosin: I made the mistake of tolerating his bad behaviour

From shouting at me in public to insulting me at every given opportunity, I took it all.  He was used to showing up late, being glued to his phone when we are together. I didn’t speak up early and his bad behaviour continued till I could take them no more. I thought I could change him I was mistaken.

David: Calling her constantly was my greatest mistake

Texting all day long is the new normal. And when you love someone, of course, you want to talk and hear from them all the time. I discovered that compulsive texting can be a huge turnoff early in dating, as it is smothering and can show neediness and a lack of self-control. I kept calling my ex- girlfriend and she became afraid of me. I should have maintained a bit of mystery. She told me I was a player for blowing up her phone with calls and messages. I felt bad because I really loved her. But I had to let her go. I couldn’t force her to be with me.

Amaka: Having sex too soon was my undoing

I had sex too soon with a guy last year and that was my undoing. Sometimes, when sex enters a relationship early, it can hijack your emotions and cloud your judgment. I think a lot of people experience this. You start dating someone and begin a relationship that’s also sexual. But, if you are not really connected beyond the sex, it can complicate the relationship too soon.

Nkechi: I made the mistake of getting nosy about his money

Two years ago, I was dating this hardworking, handsome and good guy, but I messed it up by paying too much attention to how much money he makes.

It would have been okay if I was only interested in what he did for a living and how he liked his business. I was carried away by the money and went beyond that. I started asking questions like, “Do you rent or own your house?” “What kind of car do you drive?” or, “Do you invest in the market?”

He felt I was asking too much questions about money. He asked me once why I was digging for his financial info. He said it looked like I just wanted his money because the questions I ask him are private and should be asked as we proceed with our relationship. He said that he thought I was different from other girls but it turns out I was a gold digger.

Racheal: Faking interest in his hobbies destroyed our relationship

I was told that if you love a man, you must love his hobbies. I took that advice into my relationship and it ruined it. I have learnt from that experience that if you pretend about your lover’s hobbies, you are deceiving not only yourself but your partner. Be politely honest and, after all, being interested in different things keeps relationships interesting. I won’t make this mistake again.

Matthew: I got too clingy and she left

I became smothering quickly in the beginning of my relationship with a girl I met recently and it backfired. It made her leave me. She became scared of me. She accused me of being obsessed with her and said it’s unhealthy. She needed space and I failed to give her privacy without me.

Mary: I made the mistake of ignoring red flags

It’s tempting to overlook less-than-ideal personality traits in the beginning of a relationship, either because you are smitten, or because you really want things to work out (or both). But don’t overlook lying, name-calling, aggression, verbalized jealousy, or abuse.

I overlooked all these things and married a man who didn’t value me. I am stuck with him because I don’t believe in divorce. I am dying silently but I don’t know what to do. I ignored the red flags and ended up in a toxic marriage.

Vera: Badmouthing my exs was a bad move

It doesn’t matter how much you hated your ex—nobody wants to hear you go on and on about the last person you were with. I didn’t realize this on time. I kept going on and on about my exs, badmouthing them before my new love interest and he started withdrawing from me. He later broke up with me because he couldn’t handle the venom that accompanied the way I talked about my exs.

Onyeka: Spilling my guts too soon cost me the love of my life

I was excited about meeting the love of my life but I messed up everything by going into too many details about my past relationships, toxic family, and two-faced friends. I should have focused on the positives and saved my deep dark secrets for a time when we have built a foundation. She refused to date me after hearing all my sob stories.

Sandra: Stalking him on social media was a bad idea

Liking and commenting on his social media posts was my mistake. It was like I was stalking his every move and going back years to see who he was dating. It came off as creepy and needy. I should have given him some space online as I came across as insecure. We continued our relationship for a while, but we had to part ways because he said I was choking him by insetting myself into his online world.

Thomas: I tried too hard to impress her

I lost a relationship because I tried too hard to impress her. I wore clothes I was uncomfortable in. I spent money on unnecessary things. I made her fall for someone who isn’t the real me. I shouldn’t have tried to be the person I thought she wanted me to be.  I should have been confident with what I brought to the relationship. I should have known that being authentic is the best bet for building a solid foundation.


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July 2018
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