It’s a peculiar season of free-for-all carnage. Like arch-rivals in a fierce contest, mindless criminals masquerading as herdsmen are on a killing spree, mowing down hapless citizens in Benue, while Boko Haram insurgents have renewed hostilities with the trademark bloodshed in the North east.
Jostling for market share in the blood-letting-industry, kidnappers, pirates and cultists spill blood in the South South. Not wanting to be left out of the limelight, Lassa fever stealthily masterminded a coup against medical personnel, ferrying many as captives to untimely graves while wreaking havoc across the land. The political class seeking to leverage on the prevailing situation have cashed in on the insecurity as raw materials for manufacturing campaign products.
In this state of affairs, it is absolutely necessary to cut through the surface and understand the underlying issues – the calamities affect human beings and the way responses are handled are crucial. At such a time as this, etiquette landmines abound. It is imperative to watch out for them.
The essence of etiquette is that it strengthens human relationships, as a social skill. It helps us navigate through complex situations. As a compass it provides bearing on how to act and how to expect others to act in any circumstance.
The Inspector General of Police, IGP, Ibrahim Idris, set the ball rolling in the social blunder game when he referred to the gory murder of citizens of Benue state by marauders suspected to be Fulani herdsmen as a communal clash. The grieving people would have none of that insensitive description of the mayhem that saw them bury 73 corpses in one day.
In a swift reaction, concerned indigenes called for the immediate sack of the police boss. IGP Idris meant no harm, he simply chose the word conveying a wrong connotation of the reality on ground. This further entrenched the feeling of agony and suspicion against the government and its agents. The learning point is to choose words carefully at a time like this when feelings are raw from sorrow and grief. While people are hurting, the natural tendency is to trade rationality for sentiment. Statements, utterances and commentaries in this regard must be laced with a generous doze of empathy. Words must be clear and concise.
Action speaks louder than words, is a popular proverb, which President Muhammad Buhari, who makes no pretext about his disposition as a man of few words, appears to hold dearly. Unarguably, the most taciturn occupant of Aso Rock, his laconic bent is adjudged anti-social by critics. Preferring to communicate through his famed “body language” President Buhari rather than the much anticipated official condemnation of the attack from the presidency, chose to invite the leaders of Benue State led by the executive governor, Samuel Ortom, to meet and deliberate on the events in the state. This action of the president did not go down well with the people of Benue, who interpreted it as devoid of respect and consideration for the vulnerable people whose yearning was that the father of the nation would physically condole with his weeping children and address their plight. Culture drives expectation in any situation. That is why etiquette anticipates the behavior expected of the individual in any setting.
Traditionally, many opined, the bereaved is visited and not summoned to meet with the sympathizer. A more worrisome blunder is the visit of the party leaders of the All Progressives Congress (APC) to the state, a condolence visit which would have earned the party maximum mileage turned out to be a disastrous outing. Rather than pander to the sensitivity of the bereaved people, the APC leaders were perceived as being unsympathetic and more preoccupied with the political relevance of the party in the state.
Your manners must depict the prerequisite approbation as any proneness to the contrary is capable of birthing a flaw. Another social landmine to look out for during this period is stereotyping. In our highly charged ethno-religious environment, our fault lines tend to erupt with such myopic tendencies. Not all Fulani are herdsmen and not all herdsmen are Fulani. It is important to avoid spontaneous assumption about one another thereby robbing us of mutually rewarding relationships. Sadly, this is the norm to herd individuals into an impersonal group without consideration for individual characteristics or otherwise. The good news is that such facile proclivity has no place in the world of social graces.
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