– The Sun News
CHILD LOSS

Men with commitment issues deserve to be alone

I can’t stand men who string ladies for as long as Methuselah lived. I can’t stand men who use the excuse of having commitment issues to have sex with as many women as they can deceive.

If you truly have commitment issues, stay away from committed relationships. Don’t use your reggae to spoil another person’s blues. If you don’t want to commit to a woman, tell her upfront. Don’t waste her time, emotions and energy for years.

Men who have issues committing to a relationship deserve to be paid back in their own coin. They don’t deserve to be in relationships with good, committed, and loving women. They deserve women like them who will match their actions.

How can you be dating someone for years enjoying all the benefits of being in a committed relationship and you suddenly have a brainwave that you are having problems committing to that person?

If you want a fling, state it clearly. If you want regular bedroom communion, make it known to the other person. If you don’t want to be in a committed relationship, tell your partner so that they know where they stand. You shouldn’t be toying with another person’s feelings with a flimsy excuse.

Don’t string another person’s child along for years, raising their hopes and dashing them terribly by claiming you are a commitmentphobe. What will it cost you to state your true intentions from the start?

Real commitment-phobic men are full of fear. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships.

In relationships, these men create confusion, pain, and anguish as their behaviours are often insensitive, unpredictable and bizarre. They can turn women who are saints into mad women, as they play games with their minds and their hearts.

Men who have fear committing to women have a history of short relationships. They change ladies like women change underwear. They often use the excuse that they haven’t met the right woman yet when asked why they are still single.

These men also justify their behaviour by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space.

These men are often attracted to long-distance relationships and busy, independent women. They will use these women for as long as they can without commitment.

Men who love no strings attached relationships are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good at getting their own needs met, but they have very little concern for the woman’s feelings, as they have hidden agendas.

They are usually very affectionate and loving which can be confusing to the women they are in relationships with. This is because, in their mind, the relationship isn’t going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever.

It isn’t long before they suddenly start rejecting the woman by not calling or not including her in their social arrangements. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term, committed relationship.

These men are good at playing the seduction and rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.

They spin stories to justify their contradictory behaviour. And when the woman they have been toying with her feelings for long threatens to leave the relationship, they may make promises to change, but they never do.

These men are high on demands for respect. It’s ironic because they don’t respect the feelings of the person they are dating. They become angry, obnoxious and rebellious if their needs are not met.

Men with commitment issues like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string. They don’t like structure, particularly in their personal life.

They tend to compartmentalize their life and keep their work environment, friends or family off limits. They can create wonderful excuses why the woman shouldn’t meet these people. These men essentially love to play mind games.

These men can be moody or aloof and blame the woman for why they are acting so bizarrely. They may withdraw sexually and blame it on the woman for being demanding.

If your man has a history of unavailability and inaccessibility, he’s playing with you. This is because men with commitment issues can be hard to contact and are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls.

The lies of these men can raise the dead. They are also evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing just to create space. It is not news that they are often unreliable, late and sometimes they don’t turn up at all.

Men who fear commitment are deceptive and cruel to women. Telling them you want to spend forever with them terrifies them.

Love doesn’t scare them; rather, it’s what love represents to them that scare them. This is due to their negative belief system about love and relationships.

This is why they end up behaving badly and sabotaging the relationship because they want the woman to end it as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.

Ladies, if a man doesn’t want to commit to you, he will claim he has commitment issues. Don’t allow any man waste your time with that silly excuse. A man is not a baby who doesn’t know what he wants.

This is just a phrase a man uses when he isn’t willing to commit to you. This is why you will only find out about his commitment issues after sessions of steamy sex.

A man with genuine commitment issues should share it with the woman before anything goes down. He will tell her, he wants only sex and good times but no commitment.

But if he claims he has commitment issues after many rounds of sex, he just played you. He doesn’t want to commit to you. He tells you this when he has no interest in taking you serious and you should stick to him at your detriment.

Every human being wants to be loved. We all have emotions and want to be loved. That’s the way the human mind is wired.

When a woman a man loves comes along, no force on earth would stop him from pursuing her. He will do everything within his power to get her to love him and stay with him. He will commit to her wholeheartedly.

Men do not need too much time to fall in love or decide what they want from a woman. A man knows your place in his life after a few meetings. When the woman he loves comes along, he will worship the ground she walks on. He won’t need to be cajoled or pestered to commit to her.

Ladies, remember that commitment issues occur from men who don’t want to be with a woman but just want to string her along for as long as they can enjoy good sex.

Don’t waste your time forcing a guy with supposed commitment issues to commit to you. Don’t punish yourself that way because you want to be in a relationship.

If a man truly loves you, he will commit to you. You won’t need to remind him to commit to the relationship. Both of you will be on the same page. Don’t rush into bed with him. Take your time.


Re: WHAT IS WRONG WITH MARRIAGES THESE DAYS?

Kate, you should go and get married before talking trash about the institution you know nothing about. I don’t know where you hear all these sad stories you write but you are a big liar. Marriages are going through normal challenges but angry females like you will paint it badly so that you can deceive good women to become single like you. –Obinna, Abuja

Kate, may your years be long. You are a teacher and prophetess of our time. There is too much crises in marriages these days and it is a sign of the last days predicted by Jesus. I would advise couples to forgive each other and be prayerful too because if they don’t, the enemy will sow hatred and unforgiveness in their unions. These vices can hinder them from making heaven.
–Pastor Gift Dike, Onitsha

Kate, compliments of the season! I believe friendship is the primal ingredient for successful marriages. If a man and his wife are truly friends, they can joyfully weather through all the storms in their marriage. Marriage is fun for couples who are friends because they just accept and tolerate each other irrespective of individual deficiencies. Marriage should not be over-spiritualized because it is 95 percent carnal and only 5 percent spiritual. –Pastor Tony, Umuahia

This is another biased piece from a notorious man hater. As usual, it is the fault of men. Women have become empowered to resist oppressive men. I did not get to read your view on the Abuja wife that stabbed her husband but I guess you must have wrote: ‘she couldn’t take it anymore. She must have gone through a lot.’ I hope you have sons so that their wives would practice what you preach. Keep it up.  –Ubaka

Marriages crash because couples are burdened with too much work stress. There’s no time for intimacy or bonding these days. Bad economy and the fear of retrenchment affect marriages. There are so many disconnected families due to myriads of extend family issues. Couples need trained mentors and counsellors during the course of their marriages before things fall apart.
–Evang Luke

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