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Recently Nigerian singer, Tiwa Savage set the internet ablaze with her unintelligent submission that men and women are not equal in the home.
After going back to the man who publicly called her mother a witch and accused her of using his star to shine, Tiwa Savage is now singing a different tune. She suddenly has a brainwave that men and women are not equal at home.
Her statement has generated many reactions from men and women alike. While some people were nodding their heads in agreement, others took her to the cleaners without flinching.
Did Tiwa Savage think we have forgotten how she appeared in a video with a hideous scarf on her head, wiping tears and telling us how her husband who is suddenly now superior to her bought a Rolex wristwatch in her name and goes to clubs to acquire debts in her name?
How do we forget how women rallied round her and supported her? How do we forget the days that followed with all the drama that accompanied her interview? Why is Tiwa Savage telling us that God made men superior to women now that she has gone back to her edible catering loving husband?
I am not surprised that many men are cheering for her, calling her a good wife material because she went back to a man who abused her, cheated on her, accused her of infidelity and called her mother a witch in public. These men are now using her as a role model for Nigerian women because she went back to continue putting up with his bad behaviour.
Some of these men who have nothing to show for their superiority to women aside from the sausage dangling between their legs are making noise everywhere that young ladies should emulate Tiwa Savage. It’s ironic that some of these men berated the singer and called her unprintable names when she dared to state her own side of the story during her marital crisis last year.
Suddenly, men are the head and women are the neck talks have surfaced again. Even men who haven’t washed their boxers for weeks are forcing it down the throats of women that men are the heads and are therefore superior to women. Unfortunately, some women agreed with them and they go on to tell such women that they will make good wives. Such funny creatures!
When you are quick to claim that men are heads and superior to women, how come these heads are failing in their responsibilities to their families these days? Since a man is the head, why should his wife be paying rent, paying school fees and taking care of feeding expenses at home? How come the head is just there to dish out commands and sweat for three minutes during boring sex? Is that the only thing he is good for?
Men, what kind of head are you? Are you the kind of head that sits at home all day doing nothing and watching DSTV that was paid for by your wife? Are you the kind of head that gets home first and you wait for your neck to come back home and prepare dinner after spending hours in traffic? Are you a good head?
Are you the kind of head that can’t even take care of yourself whenever your wife travels? Are you the kind of head that will eat food and leave the plates for days because your neck is out of town and maggots will start having a field day in your kitchen? Are you the kind of head that can’t even arrange your clothes and clean the house because you are waiting for your wife to come clean up after you? You are such a dirty head.
Are you the kind of head that cheats on your wife with everything that looks like a woman? If they dress a tuber of yam in women’s clothes, you will chase it and sleep with it too. And you have the nerve to open your mouth to claim you are the head. Why do you think being the head means being authoritative, irresponsible and arrogant?
Are you the kind of head that commands your wife to submit her salary to you every month end because the Bible says that she should submit to you in all things? Didn’t the same Bible say that he who doesn’t work shouldn’t eat and a man who can’t take care of his family is worse than an infidel? Or you headship merchants don’t see that part in your own Bibles?
Why do men obsessed with headship selectively quote the Bible? Why do you love subjugating your women with Bible verses? Why do you cunningly run to the Bible when you want to blackmail your women to dance to your tunes? Why don’t you see your own responsibilities in the same Bible? You are quick to claim that husbands are the heads but don’t live up to their responsibilities as heads.
And when these headship merchants fail at using the Bible to oppress their women, they conveniently switch to culture and tradition. That is when they will remember that it is our culture that a woman must do her husband’s bidding without questions but forget that it is not our culture for a woman to be paying rent and the children’s school fees. I don’t understand this confusion.
Let me say it now, men and women are equal. Mr. Man, you are not superior to your woman and she’s not inferior to you. Men who are quick to shout that they are the heads are insecure men who need to play the superiority card just to feel powerful.
A man who truly loves his wife and treats her as his partner doesn’t need to remind her that he is the head. He doesn’t need to reduce her so that he can feel like a man, and the head. He doesn’t need to stop her from achieving her dreams because he is her head.
Good heads are the ones who provide for their families. Good heads are the ones who come home from work and cook for their families. Good heads give their wives good sex too. They don’t mount her for three minutes hump air and shake like electric pole being affected by the wind and snore away.
Good heads are the ones interested in improving the lives of their wives. They are the ones that support their dreams and aspirations and help them achieve them. They are the ones who support their wives to rise to the top in their chosen fields. They don’t reduce them because they feel threatened by their brilliance.
As for me, I am equal with my man. I am not anybody’s neck. I have my own good head sitting on my shoulder. I don’t need anybody’s head to function well. I am equal with my partner because God made it so. We discuss issues and take decisions together. He doesn’t need to sing the headship national anthem to me all the time because he wants to have his way. We are in the relationship together and it is not a master-servant relationship.
So when next you want to scream that men and women are not equal because you happen to have a penis and stand while peeing, ask yourself whether you are acting like a head. Don’t be a bad head and be demanding followership. Who wants to be following an empty head?
Re: Warning signs of a troubled marriage
Kate, are you married? Why are you always taking sides with women and not balancing your statements about relationships? Or is it because men don’t want to marry you, and that’s why you hate us? With the way you talk, do you think you deserve a cool-headed man? –Adeseha
Kate Halim, you are full of wisdom. Despite ink attacks and calling of names by some of your readers, you still balance information for them. I will forever remain your fan because you publish good and bad comments about your column. Thank you for telling us the truth and for saying things the way they are. –James Ekpeh, Lagos
Kate, you reason like a dull brain. You are myopic in your reasoning. Most wise women are laughing at you behind your back because of the nonsense you write but you are not aware. You won’t make a good wife for any man. You are so angry and bitter. –Okani
Kate, writing on behalf of women in the paper remains a waste of ink because women don’t read newspapers. A woman should never wage war against a man in his world. It is a man’s world. –Sunny
Kate, thank you for being a voice for Nigerian women. I admire your guts and resilience. Even when these men suffering from guilty conscience attack you every week, you don’t give up. I am learning a lot from you. Don’t ever stop writing! –Kemi, Osogbo