Dear Nigerian men, respect is not your exclusive right. Your wife is entitled to as much as respect as she accords to you. Let that sink in.

You don’t have the right to demand respect from your wife when all you do is belittle, insult and humiliate her. Your wife is not a donkey that you treat badly. She is your partner, not a beast of burden.

When I hear some people say that men deserve respect more than women, I laugh at their ignorance. Every human being deserves respect irrespective of their gender. How can you claim to love someone when you don’t respect them?

I am telling you now that your wife deserves to be respected. Don’t go about bragging that you have married her and she must do your bidding or go back to her father’s house. You are in for a huge shock.

These days, women don’t bother about such threats because they know who they are, what they bring to the table and what they want from a relationship. Treat her the same way you want to be treated otherwise she will leave you for a better man.

If you disregard your wife’s opinions on issues, don’t consult her when you want to take decisions concerning the family and treat her like she doesn’t matter, you are a very disrespectful man.

You need to stop causing unnecessary frictions and fights in your marriage by ignoring your wife’s inputs. She’s not a piece of furniture you just overlook, she’s your spouse. Respect her and take decisions together with her.   

I know that some of you think that asking the opinions of your wives and working with their suggestions means you are a woman wrapper. That’s a useless narrative. This is how men destroy good marriages by listening to other people who don’t care about what happens in their family.

You say, “If I do what my wife tells me to do, my friends will laugh at me.” Who cares? Are they the ones marrying your wife or taking care of your family? Why do you care so much about what outsiders say about your relationship with your wife?

Respect means different things to different women. If you want to treat your wife with respect, find out from her what she considers a respectful behaviour and what she thinks is disrespect. Don’t wave her feelings aside like most Nigerian men do if you want a peaceful marriage.

One way to treat your wife with respect is to greet her first thing in the morning and find out whether she slept well. Don’t save the “good morning dear, honey, sweetie,” for the small girls you are chasing on Facebook and Instagram. Greet your wife in the morning. Your penis won’t disappear and it won’t make you less of a man.

Respect your wife and stop comparing her to the wives of your neighbours and friends. You don’t know what those men are suffering behind closed doors at the hands of their wives. Stop making your wife feel inferior and abnormal. You are disrespecting her.

It is a huge mistake to compare your wife to another woman. It demeans her uniqueness and can make her start doubting herself. This will make her have difficulties relating to you emotionally, and this can affect your marriage. She may even begin to resent you. You definitely don’t want to be on a woman’s bad side, trust me; I know what I am saying.

When you see your wife as being unique, you will treat her as a special person, with the honour and dignity she deserves. You will see her for who she is, and not as the duplicate of someone else you want her to be. You saw her and married her as she is, so why are you comparing her to someone else?

One of the things that make many Nigerian men disrespect their wives is because they see these women as acquisitions and not assets. They think they did the woman a favour by marrying her and so, they can behave anyhow. Mr. Man, you are wrong. Your wife is an asset to you. When you see your wife as an asset, then the value you place on her will make you treat her with love, reverence and dignity.

Another way you can show your wife respect is by being faithful to her. You don’t claim you love and respect your wife and yet you distribute your seminal fluid everywhere you go like MTN. That’s a warped way of showing someone you love respect.

I know some of you will claim that as long as you don’t bring your side chicks and lovers home, then you respect your wives. That is bull crap. If your wife is having sex with every man she encounters and doesn’t bring them into your home, I hope you can confidently say that she respects you too.

When you stick to your spouse, you show that you value your relationship with her, and you value her body so much that you will not give your body, which is one with the body of your spouse to a third party.

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On the other hand, when you cheat, you more or less give your spouse’s body to another person without their permission, since as husband and wife you are one, and that is great disrespect.

Another way you can respect your wife is considering her feelings. As a man, ask yourself how the words you are going to say, or the actions you are going to take, will make your wife feel.

If you have the attitude that you can do whatever you want because you are a man, you don’t respect your wife. You don’t see her as your partner. You don’t value her presence in your life and you don’t hold her in high regards too.

Men, consider the feelings of your wife when you take actions. That is how to respect her. When she has some concerns, give her the information she needs, even if you do not see how such information can benefit her. Don’t silence her with insults and threats.

Refusing to talk to your wife when she wants to know something about you or your dealings show that you don’t respect her and her feelings. And that is a terrible way to treat your wife. She doesn’t deserve that.

Respectful husbands don’t demean and humiliate their wives before other people. When you insult your wife when other people are around, it is painful and extremely embarrassing. You are hurting your wife.

When you deride your wife, belittle her intelligence, or talk down at her before family members and friends, you are very disrespectful. If you take pleasure in tearing your wife to pieces with words before others, you are not a real man.

You can correct and criticize your wife in private or when you are alone at home, but don’t expose her weaknesses to other people. In no time, they will start disrespecting you too because of the way you disrespect your wife.

Make your wife look good before others. Extol her virtues to other people, and talk about her positive sides when you are with friends and family members. Treating your wife with respect involves making sure you honour her before others.

One thing you should know is that when you treat your wife with respect and she is happy in the marriage, you will be at peace. Happy wives make happy marriages.

 


 

Re: ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse

I just finished reading your spellbound article. I wish you more divine knowledge, wisdom, courage and bravery to keep the good work up despite useless oppositions and insults that may come your way from guilty men who are uncomfortable and deeply saddened because of your sincere and point blank exposure of their demonic and devilish deeds either to their wives or daughters. Keep writing as the spirit of the Lord leads you to write. –Inyang Anietie, Calabar

Kudos! Kate, infidelity in marriage is an obnoxious thing before God and mankind. It usually starts with one partner and the other partner may indiscriminately partake in the same act as a way to revenge. I urge couples to maintain chastity in their marriages.–Peace Bright, Aba

You don’t ever have anything good to say about Nigerian men every week. I hope that you get married to a white man because no Nigerian man will put up with a woman like you. You are an angry feminist and your type can’t stay under a man or submit as the Bible commanded. You were obviously sent by the devil to corrupt good Nigerian wives. You have nothing to offer but bad words. Stop writing, agent of Satan! –Obinna, Owerri

Kate, my Saturday is not complete without your Saturday tonic. Keep it up and don’t allow those critics to discourage you. Their negative criticisms should rather bring out the best in you. Your write-up is what I need to improve my love life. –Kenneth Umeh

Kate, you were spot on. The list is by no means exhaustive but good enough reasons as to why the scriptures admonishes men and women alike to flee all manners of temptations because Satan goes about looking for peoples’ marriages and relationships to devour. –Mike, Lagos.

All you said is correct and a warning guide to staying away from adultery. He who has ears let them hear. You are even supposed to be earning your living through marriage counseling, because your advice and lectures are of immense value. Carry on with your educative write-up that sensitizes young ladies and bachelors to shine their eyes before getting married. Don’t be discouraged about some irresponsible comments from some insane men. If investigated thoroughly, these are the men abusing and treating their wives like slaves. –O.J. Segun