Single mothers who don’t want to get hurt shouldn’t waste their time with the some men because these men bring nothing but pains, tears and heartaches.
Kate Halim
Some women have become endangered species when it comes to love, dating and relationships. Men rush these ladies not because they love them but because of what they can get from them.
Some men deceitfully warm their way into these women’s hearts, tell them all the sweet things they want to hear, pretend to be respectful just to gain their trust and then turn them into money making machine.
Recently, a young lady revealed how one man has been dating different single mothers just for money. He is a single father who uses his daughter to get money from his unsuspecting victims. He even promised some of these women marriage.
READ ALSO: What single mothers should seek in potential companions
Another single father latched onto a single mum of three abroad and started milking her dry financially. He would call her for hours, tell her how much she means to him and how his ex wife was the devil’s incarnate. He tells her she is the best thing that happened to him after sliced bread.
This single mum believed him. She would come to Nigeria and spend time with him. They would go out together, plan their future together and discuss where and when they would get married.
But what this woman didn’t know was that he was dating three other single mums in her circle of friends too. He was making money off these women by promising them marriage. He only wanted money to keep body and soul together and to take care of his two children. He didn’t love any of them.
Single mothers should stop allowing men toy with their emotions because they crave companionship. They should stop allowing these selfish money hunters take advantage of their hearts and bodies. Any man who is only interested in your money doesn’t love you.
As a single mom, you should know that dating isn’t just about you — it’s about your child or children. Whether each man you date knows it or not, you should and try find out his motive before you allow yourself to be carried away by sweet words and fake affection.
So while dating should be fun, exciting and a break from the tough parts of single motherhood, there are some men you shouldn’t date no matter how lonely and sex starved you are. You need to respect yourself enough not to let your guard down. Single mothers who don’t want to get hurt shouldn’t waste their time with the some men because these men bring nothing but pains, tears and heartaches.
A single mum shouldn’t waste her time with a sugar daddy. This is the guy that tells you about his huge income, designer suits and finds a way to ease the topic of money into every conversation. Most guys who love to flash a big wad of cash and talk nonstop about their jobs reveal their life priorities.
It’s all about things for him. In other words, he’s not looking to settle down or meet your child any time soon. He’s insecure and desperately needs to demonstrate control. If he doesn’t care about your feelings, dreams and aspirations didn’t compliment your dress or ask about your day, he’s not the one.
Texting is an easy way to communicate a quick hello or an “I’m running late,” but face it, dating as a single mom is different than dating as a single woman. You likely can’t drop everything for a date, or sleepover, so this means you really need to keep the communication flowing to compensate for the lack of face time.
If he’s not down to chat for twenty-minutes on the phone or Skype after your baby is asleep, he’s not a dating material for you. Stop wasting your time.
A deadbeat dad is not someone a single mother should date. You may know how crazy it can be to coordinate with your ex when it comes to visitation and finances. So you might be tempted to let it slide if a guy doesn’t see his children often because his ex is mean or he wasn’t ready to be a dad, but don’t make that mistake.
Any man who is not present in his children’s life won’t be a good companion for you. The blame game antics are lame cover-ups for his irresponsibility. His choice to abandon his children emotionally or financially should be an instant deal breaker for you. You don’t want his baggage in your life.
READ ALSO: There’s a special place in hell for men who abandon their children
While single moms have every right to let their hair down and have a good time, they shouldn’t date party animals. Having a hangover and caring for a child don’t mix. If your man thinks the ideal date is all-night clubbing with different drinks, he’s not going to be up for caring for your child when you truly need him.
ur world to hang out in his apartment. But if he’s constantly refusing to come to visit you, that’s a sign something’s not quite right. If making the effort to get together with you on your turf doesn’t interest him, then he’s just not that into you and is likely seeing other women.
If your one-date-wonder wants to meet your child immediately, this may be his awkward way of letting you know that he’s fine with your single mom status. But don’t feel pressure to force this meeting. Make it clear it’s 100 percent your call when or if your child will meet him. If he has a problem with that, cut him loose!
When you go out on a date, you don’t want to deal with someone who’s constantly making lame jokes with the waitress, or someone who can’t take his eyes off the pretty woman at the bar. He’s letting you know, loud and clear, that you are barely on his radar and that he’s keeping his options open when it comes to women.
Single mothers should leave men with unending issues and problems alone. These ones are always depressed but won’t do anything to help themselves. They always need money, attention and pity. They are victims of everybody’s wickedness but won’t change things they don’t like about their lives.
The most important reason not to date someone with serious issues is that you won’t want him around your child. The other reason is that his problem will get in the way of his relationship with you. You can’t fix him, so, wish him well and walk away with your sanity still intact.
You need to stay away from mama’s boy as a single mom. You don’t need the unnecessary competition with his mother. If there’s no good reason for him to be attached to Mom’s apron strings, you should probably rethink the relationship because you are not his main squeeze. His mom is.
Single moms, stay away from your neighbor even if he’s hot, single, nice to your child and helped you with an emergency once. It’s tempting and seemingly easy to get it on with the guy next door but don’t do it if you are not serious about him. If it ends badly, he will still be your neighbor, which means he will still be in your life and that of your child.
Your child may not understand what is going on or why it is suddenly weird for him to play with the neighbor or why you hide when you see his new girlfriend come to visit him.
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RE: SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS RUINING YOUR MARRIAGE
READ ALSO: Signs your family is ruining your marriage
Your piece was quite good but it is not every family that has such negative intentions towards their loved ones’ marriage. In fact, relationships in some families are great, fantastic and envious as some parents and relations even defend and support their in-laws against their own children or relations that do wrong.
A major problem is that some couples enter into marriage with negative minds, rather than being optimistic positive, thereby resulting to some negative reactions because no true parents wish ill for their children.
I must commend you for the great work you are doing by strengthening and building the marriage institution contrary to what some people think who seem ignorant of the divine institution and God’s will for it. Their negative and uncomplimentary remarks shouldn’t deter you from continuing the good work you are doing.
-Afuwai, JG, Kaduna
I don’t think you came from a decent family otherwise you won’t be complaining about other people’s family members interfering in their marriages. If a man has the misfortune of marrying a woman like you, he would need his family, ancestors and forefathers to deliver
him from your satanic grip. I see that you have run of ideas because you just write to attack men. You are not married and UI don’t know why you write about something you haven’t experienced.
-Obinna, Aba
A million thanks Kate, for your courage, resilience, steadfastness and forthrightness in your noble calling to straightening the crooked paths of relationships and marriages. No doubt your weekly piece is saving many spinsters, bachelors and married couples from making lifelong mistakes. You are also helping many people escape toxic marriages and relationships. Keep your head above stormy waters.
-Pst. Stephen, Abuja
I appreciate you for daring to talk about unhealthy family interference in many Nigerian marriages. The fact that many women have accepted this toxic behaviour as normal doesn’t make it right. Couples should be left alone to build their marriages they way it suits them. Well done, girl.
-Mrs. Adeyemi, Lagos
Kate, you are correct about some family members trying to force their opinions and marriage styles down the throats of their loved ones but don’t forget that we are not Europeans. We are Africans and once you marry a man, you have married his whole family. Try to make your column more African, you talk like an American. You are indirectly teaching our women to behave like White women and that’s not good for marriage.
-Gideon Nwachukwu, Onitsha
Anytime I read from you I smile and tell myself that I want my daughter to be like you, bold, outspoken, strong willed and intelligent. You always make my weekends complete with their realistic topics. Family members need to stop interfering in the marriages of their loved one and couples should learn to stand their ground also.
-Jijah, Abuja