Can your marriage life sizzle again? Should you allow the toll of raising your family put out the fire for good? You can use these five tips to get you started on your way to love lane again. Although these may not seem so romantic, they are the basics for the romance to kick in. You see, at this point, you may be feeling completely out of love with your spouse. The idea is for you to get back to the nitty gritty of things. Once you begin to like your spouse again, it will be easy to become romantic and get back into full swing.
Remember your manners
Just because you have been together for so long does not mean that you should stop being polite to each other. Always say “Please and thank you” and learn to be gentle and courteous. Don’t assume that your partner knows how much you appreciate the work he or she does — say the words. And take time to say a proper “goodbye” with a kiss before taking off for work in the morning. Little and simple gestures like these go a long way in showing your appreciation for each other.
Keep the relationship running by making deposits
In our financial lives, if we spend and spend and not make any deposits, what happens to the account? It becomes “over drawn” and our transactions are declined. Well, look at your relationship the same way. If we keep spending without any deposits, it is going to run dry and we can no longer transact anything. So, let’s begin to think of everything that our spouse brings into the relationship. How do we reward them? It is simple enough: by making deposits into the relationship. When we think about our checkbooks, we realize that if we keep spending, deposits must be made. Yet too often we don’t think about all the things our partners do for us, and so we forget to put something back into the “relationship bank.” Spontaneously tell your significant other that you’d like to make a “deposit” back into the partnership, and what task or favour you can perform to show your appreciation. Maybe your partner has been silently asking for help with the laundry or the cooking or the shopping. Well, it is time for you to “make a deposit” by assuming some or all of those tasks. May be your deposit could be massaging his or her feet, what does it take? It only just takes commitment and love. Now, go for it, make a deposit today.
Find a perfect song
At times, we cannot really express what we want to say but a song might say it for us perfectly. Wherever we are in the relationship high, mid or low level, there is a song out there that describes our feelings. When you hear that song, get the name and stop by the record store to pick it up or just search for it on Youtube. Be sure to share it with your spouse. It just might make all the difference.
Buy a worthy gift
We all love presents but we especially love gifts that are meaningful. Pick up something that you know that she will truly cherish. So, since she loves Oprah Winfrey so much, buy her the Oprah biography that just got published. This gift would resonate with her so much because you actually gave some thought about what she would love plus the fact that you had to be one of the first 100 to order it. Yes, she would love you for it. May be she has been dreaming of visiting Costa Rica, and sine you can finally afford it, go ahead and book a weekend getaway for her and her sister who is her best friend. Yes, what a selfless gift; she will cherish it forever. We often forget that gifts are supposed to express something. Whether it is for a holiday or just a nice gesture, think carefully before buying a gift.
Think like a kid again. It is important for you to device fun things for both of you to do after hours. So assuming that the kids go to sleep at 8pm, arrange for the local restaurant to deliver ice cream, pizza and wings. Don’t forget to buy your favourite bottle of wine and then slip into that new gown he gave you last Valentine’s Day. Pop some soft romantic melody into the stereo and invite him to dance. First, he might be taken aback because you both have not done this for a long time but watch his surprise and playfully guide him to the dance floor. Cherish the moment and promise that you will do your part to bring back the years of romance.
■ Dr. NJ