Sometime ago, Umar Labdo Muhammad, a Professor of Islamic Political Thoughts at Yusuf Maitama Sule University, Kano, came under fire for his view that Benue State belongs to the Fulani by conquest. In this interview, he insisted on his earlier position on the contentious issue even as he made another startling disclosure that the Hausa/Fulani…
I was in a saloon one day to fix my nails and one lady walked in making so much noise. She came with a friend and they started disturbing our peace with their tales of dating rich boyfriends.
This lady practically told us her life story in twenty minutes. But what caught my attention was when she revealed a married man was on her case and she wants to use him to get to America. She said the man has been asking her out for months and he was rich. So, she wanted to milk him dry.
She said she wants to trap him with pregnancy and insist on having her baby in America. That way, her baby becomes an American citizen and she would keep milking him financially for his child’s upkeep. She claimed that she didn’t come to this world to suffer for any man or any relationship.
The way she narrated her plans, if things work out for her, she would be spending and enjoying money she didn’t work for. I looked at her again and pitied her but it was funny that the girls in the saloon were hailing her. They told her to do anything she could to hook the man and live a good life.
I know of another lady who broke up with her boyfriend because he wasn’t sending money to her parents for their upkeep. I thought I didn’t hear her correctly, I asked her if she was talking about her husband, she said no. She said her boyfriend was stingy and heartless. She cited examples of some of her friends whose boyfriends were carrying the financial burden of their families.
I tried explaining to her that her boyfriend was not obliged to send money to her parents if it wasn’t convenient for him. She called me names. She accused me of encouraging men to be stingy with their partners and their families. She said it was his duty to take care of her needs and that of her family.
I remember when my course mate in the University was smitten by a young lady he met on a dating site. He was always talking about her. When he showed me her pictures, I noticed she loves designer wears and expensive wristwatches. When I asked him what she does for a living, he said she was just job hunting.
I asked him who funds her expensive lifestyle and he said he does. I told him to slow down with her for a while and see if she was with him for his money or because she loves him. He became angry with me. He accused me of trying to sabotage his relationship. I stayed away from them.
The last time he called me, he was lamenting seriously about being blind to his girlfriend’s motives. She drained him. She kept demanding money until he couldn’t keep up with her pace anymore. She left him for a richer guy and it took him months to get over the heartbreak.
Stories like these are common. We know girls like these. They want the good life without working for it. They don’t want to stain their well manicured nails to earn money to fund their lifestyle. They just want men with fat pockets at their beck and call who will keep giving them money.
Ladies, it’s called a relationship and not a meal ticket. You are in a relationship to love and share your life with your partner and not to use him to live a good life. Your man doesn’t owe you money. Stop abusing him for not meeting up with your many money demands. If you want money that badly, go out and work for your money.
I am not saying your man shouldn’t give you money or buy you gifts. If he loves you and can afford to buy you things without you asking for it, that’s beautiful. But you shouldn’t feel entitled over his money or how he spends it. It is not your right to wait for his salary every month end as if you both are doing his job.
Guys, if you meet a woman and she’s only interested in how much you make, she sees you as a meal ticket. If she’s keen on finding out how much money she can get from you all in the name of a relationship, run as fast as your legs can carry you. You should be with someone who loves you for you and not because of she loves your money. What happens when the money is no longer coming in? Will she dump you and go for someone who will keep feeding her need for money?
Some girls dump all their family problems on men dating them. They shamelessly beg for money all the time without thinking how these men feel about bearing all the financial burdens of their family members. Relationships are not meal tickets, they are for companionship.
You start dating a man and you turn him into a money spinning machine because you think you have a right to his money. Week one, your mother is sick in the village and needs money for her treatment. Week two, your brother was arrested in another state and you need money to secure his release. Week three, your sister gained admission into the university but there’s no money to pay her fees and hand outs. Week four, you need money to start a business.
What if this man didn’t come into your life, won’t you solve all your family problems? Don’t you have family members who can help you out if you are truly in need? Why saddle a man who is just getting to know you with so much family problems? If he refuses to help you out, will you beat him? Ladies, respect yourselves.
Men who go about boasting about their material possessions fall prey to ladies who are looking for a way out of poverty. If she’s only interested in your money, she will be impressed by what you own and will be more anxious to say yes to you just to get her hands on your money.
It is funny that some men who throw money around just to impress girls think they are using these girls. They don’t know these girls are using their heads like a native doctor who brainwashes his naive clients. They don’t know that these girls are slimy enough to tell them all the things they want to hear, stroke their ego and give them sex to confuse them.
Men and women need to go back to the basics when it comes to relationships. They should go back to looking at each other as team mates. They should support each other, encourage each other, motivate each other and love each other wholeheartedly instead of seeking what they can get from each other.
A relationship is not an opportunity for men and women to use each other. Ladies, a man is not a meal ticket. If you want the good things of life, work for them. Guys, you don’t have to trick a woman into having sex with you by claiming you want to go into a relationship with her.
RE: When a marriage fails, blame both parties
Many women are enduring bad marriages because people blame them for not keeping their marriages intact. No one cares to know what these women are going through at home. Thank you for talking about this.
This is another wonderful write up from you Kate. But I must tell you what canon law said about marriage. It says that as you will blame both parties for a failed marriage, the blame for a failed marriage should primarily go to the man.
–Dr. Uche, Enugu
It’s funny they are quick to brag that a man is the head of the house, forgetting that it comes with responsibilities. If one of the parties in a marriage should be blamed for its failure, shouldn’t it be the head? Any man who gives purposeful leadership in his home, encourages his woman, stands by her and remains faithful to her will end up with a marriage that is heaven on earth.
Marriage involves two adults who should be on their best behaviour. But in a country such as ours, wives are easily blamed for things that go wrong in their marriages. Marital success is a mutual effort. Husbands should also fast and pray to save their marriages too.
Kate, nothing can be more factual than this insightful and thought provoking write up of yours. He who has ears, let him hear and change for good. Immediate and extended family members as well as the society should stop blaming women for their relationship failures. May you have more insight and wisdom as you continue your good works.
–Pastor Stephen, Abuja
Religion and culture have been tying women down in bad marriages but it’s high time men realised that it takes combined efforts to make their marriages work. Keep up the good work, don’t allow those who hate the truth you speak discourage you. You are going places.
–Yakubu Musa, Abuja