Marriage has never had to prove itself worthy more than in this century. It is getting harder and harder for people to remain together but it doesn’t need to be so. In the last segment of 2016, we identified some of those reasons that cause the sparkling light to grow dim. Maintaining a relationship and keeping it sexy, and passionate with continuous light that shines is a Herculean task for most couples.
But there are so many books one can turn to help sustain the relationship. For instance, if couples will look to the Bible for guidance on relationship matters, perhaps the light will continue to burn brighter rather than dim; yes, it will shine. Was it not King Solomon who said in the Songs of Solomon 8:6-7: “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”
And in Colossians 3:14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Furthermore, Ecclesiastes 4:9: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help him or her up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”
How about Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”
And to finally summarize the wisdom behind love, marriage and relationship, the very wise book says in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his other and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
As we stated in that last segment, the spark does grow dim. Frustration and exhaustion set in and the pressures from work and children and even financial obligation takes over. With all that going on how can the love fire continue to burn? Most marriages do not end deliberately. They tend to die of neglect and inattention. Long hours at work, business travel, focus on the care and activities of the children, taking care of aging parents receive a higher priority than efforts to strengthen the marriage. Some assume that while busy with other things, a marriage can take care of itself and that is simply not true. But there is hope.
Let us then identify how to fathom if a marriage is healthy in the first place.
These are eight signs that your relationship is emotionally healthy:
1.You don’t need to be who you are not. In other words, you feel that you can be yourself and don’t have to be pretentious being who you are not. You feel secure in the relationship and can freely express your innermost feelings, thoughts, and desires without any condemnation from your partner.
2. You both encourage and admire each other. You embrace, accept and respect each other for who you are. You do not blame each other in the midst of a disagreement and often seek ways to communicate better by listening to each other’s perspective and owning up to your mistakes in the conflict.
3. You can trust him. He lives up to his words and follows through on the promises he makes. If something happens that he cannot keep the promise, he will immediately let you know. He commits to his promise and if you have a date, he will be there on time too. When someone is interested in you, they’ll keep their agreements and apologize when they’re unable to do so.
4. You are a priority in his eyes. He values you as a person and values the relationship. He communicates regularly by phone, text or email. This is saying I am thinking of you
5. You are very important to your partner and he is your number one member of your fan club. He always listens to you, giving his full, undivided attention to what you are saying. He is very concerned about your family, friends and loved ones. He wants to please you at all times and if you ever err, he will gently correct you.
6. Your partner makes huge effort to include you in his circle and makes plans to do things with you. You are part of his family so every time there is something special going on in his own family; he makes sure you are beside him.
7. You feel extremely good and safe being around him. He or she values you and gives you positive reinforcement such as compliments and support.
8. Your partner brings up conversation for the future every time you cuddle up. If he is into you, he will be spending time talking about the future. If not, don’t waste your time.
ν Dr. NJ