Dear young ladies, don’t joke with this sermon. I know that as a child, you had dreams of getting married. I know that you imagined falling in love with a good man.
I know that you have pictured perfectly how your prince charming would sweep you off your feet and you both will live happily ever after.
I know that you have positioned yourselves to be found by worthy bachelors. I know that you have fasted and prayed for the man of your dreams to locate you by fire.
I know that you have even fought some girl over a guy as he stood by watching you both disgrace your ancestors. I know you have invested in a guy hoping that he will reward you with marriage.
I know you want to get married this year. I know your pastor must have assured you that this year is your year and it won’t pass you by to get the ring. I know you see husband on the forehead of almost every man that smiles at you or is nice to you.
I know your mother has been singing it in your ears that she wants to see and carry her grandchildren. I know your father has been telling you to get married like your mates so that his age grade members will come and celebrate with him too.
I know your siblings are telling you not to be choosy and just grab any man you see even if he’s irresponsible and a loafer and turn him into a husband. I know your friends have tried to match make you with different men.
Young lady, breathe. Yes, I said breathe in and out slowly and deeply and listen to all have to say today. You will be saving yourself a lifetime of tears, pains and heartaches.
You must not rush into marriage with a man until you find out his stand on certain, important issues. This is not a joke. It’s your life and that of your unborn children that I am concerned about.
Don’t marry a man until you find out if he supports rapists and pedophiles or abhors them and their despicable acts. You don’t want to start having children with a man who will sexually molest your daughter and blame you for his irresponsible acts.
It is sad that some Nigerian men don’t see anything wrong with humping their daughters. It is like competition among them these days according to the things they say when such issues are raised. And such men are married to women.
I don’t understand how a man’s penis will rise at the sight of his daughter, the precious child he saw come into this world. I don’t understand how a father would have sex with his daughter, impregnate her and also command her to terminate the pregnancy.
A colleague recently put up a post on Facebook asking what a woman should do when her husband sexually molests their daughter. You need to see the perverted comments from men, husbands and fathers on that thread.
I was shocked and angry at the same time as these men made excuses for a crime that was committed against an innocent child. I read with dismay how some men treated the case like it was nothing.
One man said that the woman should forgive her husband because all men are guilty of such actions in one way or another. Is it now true that all men lust and have sex with their daughters? No. This sick mind was just speaking for himself. I was miffed that he was defending his sick comment and calling people names on that thread.
Another man said it was a threesome and the woman should stop making noise about it. I wanted that man to appear before me so that I would send three hefty men after him and they would rape him till he passes out.
How can he say that about something as serious as a father sexually molesting his own daughter? Is it no longer an abomination for a father to see his daughter’s nakedness? Who are these men?
Another man said that the woman should check herself and maybe she pushed her husband into the arms of his daughter. This is just another trashy talk from a man who won’t take responsibility for his actions. As usual, the woman is blamed for a man’s animalistic behaviour.
Another man said that the woman should pray for the man that he is possessed by demons. I laugh. This nonsense narrative is what irresponsible men and closet pedophile use in deceiving women. A man who sexually molested his daughter doesn’t need prayers or exorcism, he needs to be jail because he committed a crime.
In sane societies, it is not up for debate. He’s sent where he truly belongs so that he won’t hurt other children. But here, we use prayers to shield pedophiles and rapists from going to jail.
After reading the comments of these men, I knew that many married women are in hell. Many of them know the abominable things their husbands are doing to their daughters and they refuse to protect these girls from these sick men.
They prefer to cover it up, blame the devil, blame the girls too for seducing their fathers just to keep their worthless marriages. Hell is waiting for these foolish mothers.
If you can’t protect your child from being sexually molested by the man they call father, you are a failure as a mother. What silly marriage are you protecting? Do you know how much damage you are doing to your child by allowing them to get raped over and over again by their father? Such women need to be jailed too as accomplices.
So young lady, before you marry that man, talk to him about rape, sexual abuse and molestation. Find out if he doesn’t see anything wrong with a man raping a woman.
You must find out if he supports a father sexually molesting his daughter and run as fast as your legs can carry you. You don’t need such a man in your life and you definitely don’t need to raise children with such animals.
Re: BROTHER, ARE YOU A HUSBAND MATERIAL?
Kate, you sound possessed. You don’t know God and that is why you are always attacking men in your column. Don’t you have anything good to say about men? Are women saints? You should try and balance your writings. You are sounding like a wounded animal. This is why you are not married yet. -Obinna, Enugu
On a more serious note, the attributes that men should possess that make them husband materials are largely subjective. There are ladies who like to be in full control of their kitchens and bedrooms. They see any other person’s involvement including their husbands in the kitchen as intrusion. Both sexes should complement each other. Where I am weak, my woman should strengthen me and vice versa. I have come to discover that there is no perfect man or woman anywhere. Marriage is for those with forgiving hearts and those who strive to improve on their weaknesses as identified by their spouses. -Mike, Mushin, Lagos
Kate, in all the points you itemized, you didn’t consider morals, culture and the scriptures that teach us on how to relate with one another as couples. In any position we find ourselves, let’s endeavour to be good ambassadors. -Olubayo Samuel, Ado Ekiti
Kate, you need a man to marry you so that he will tame you. I don’t know why a woman like you will make it her duty to be insulting men all the time. Your writings reek of bitterness and anger against the male folk. I don’t know why you have allowed the man who broke your heart badly to continue to cloud your writings. You are not making sense at all. -Linus, Awka
I read your column last week and it was a nice try at supporting women but it is more of a fairy tale. You are encouraging lazy women. I hope to read your opinion on wife materials. -Reuben
I enjoy your articles. Your writings are educating, informative and inspiring. Keep it up. Don’t let critics water down your passion for advocating for good relationships for both men and women. -Aboodu
I like your articles. Ride on, Kate. Don’t listen to what some people are saying about the things you write or about you.
-Margaret, Imo State
You are a bitter divorcee who wants to destroy other women’s marriages. You shouldn’t be allowed to continue running this column. You are a bad influence on good wives who want to build happy marriages. I have warned you several times to stop writing the nonsense you write every week. God will punish you, evil woman. -John, Aba
I agree with you. We should start training our boys so that they can possess qualities of good husband materials, so that when they grow up and meet their wife materials, they can both match. -Helen, Lagos
It’s about time this material table turns from wife material to husband material. Men need to show women the material they are made of before they say yes.
Some of them are nothing to write home when it comes to morals and behaviour, yet they demand good material from women. Men should be husband materials too so that the equation will balance. -Ngozi, Benin