Kate Halim
It is funny that when women specify the kind of men they want to marry, people will tell them to stop being selective because age is not on their side.
When a woman says she can’t marry a short man, they will remind her that height doesn’t matter in marriage and she should endure his closeness to the ground with his good heart.
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When a woman says she can’t marry an educated man, people start preaching to her about the grace of God and how it can turn someone’s life around in an instant even if they are not educated.
When a woman says she can’t marry a violent man, one who is given to quick temper people remind her that she can change him with her humility and meekness. She is also told to learn to endure like our mothers and grandmothers did in the past.
When a woman says she can’t marry a man who is not well endowed down there, she is reprimanded for being so morally loose. People remind her that sex is not food and drum it into her ears that she should focus on getting pregnant and having children and forget the orgasmic pleasure sex can give her.
When a woman says she can’t marry a man that earns N50,000, people will start insulting her and call her a gold digger. They will remind her that age is no longer on her side and that she should stop waiting for a rich man to marry.
These scenarios reek of terrible double standards that have eaten deep into this society. When men boldly come out to declare the kind of women they want to marry, no one questions them. No one starts preaching to them to stop being selective.
When a man says he wants a beautiful woman for a wife, nobody coughs unnecessarily about how carnal and worldly he is. He is not reminded that age is no longer on his side. He is not told to stop waiting for the perfect woman and manage any woman he sees.
A man who says he can’t marry a short woman is not hounded with unwanted advice to stop being choosy. If he says he can’t marry a woman who can’t cook, he is not told to suck it in and go and learn how to cook so that another man won’t snatch his wife from him because he doesn’t know how to cook.
So, I don’t understand why Nigerians think it’s cool to start giving unsolicited advice to single ladies for specifying the qualities they want in a spouse. Is it that ladies don’t have the right to choose what they want?
Why do men start threatening women with eternal singlehood when they turn down their marriage proposals because they don’t meet the requirements they want in a man? Why do men think women don’t deserve to choose their spouses like they do?
A lady said recently that she won’t marry a man who earns N50, 000 and her statement broke the internet. People started foaming on both sides of their mouths about how money is not everything, how ladies should settle for men with vision and prospects and not how big the size of his pocket is.
Some took a step further and started sharing some marriage grass to grace stories just to silence ladies who want to marry financially comfortable men. Others started insulting these ladies claiming they are gold diggers who came from poor families looking for a better life.
While I am not disputing some grass to grace stories in marriages, everybody must not start small. People have choices and their choices must be respected. If as a man, a woman says she can’t marry you because you earn N50,000, move on with your life. You don’t have to insult her for her choice. There is a woman somewhere who won’t mind your N50, 000 salary and you need to find her. Life is not hard.
All these men threatening ladies with menopause and getting old in their father’s houses because they said they won’t marry men who earn N50, 000, do you know ladies can have children without getting married? Do you know that many ladies are earning more than N50, 000 today?
Do you know that many ladies are living on their own and not with their parents? Do you know that some ladies would rather become single mothers than put up with insecure, noise makers who want them to embrace poverty all in the name of marriage?
Leave women alone to state the kind of men they want to marry. Why are you people tearing your boxers over the choice of grown women regarding the kind of men they don’t want to spend the rest of their lives with? Why is it an issue when women state what they want? What is the problem?
Men have been specifying the kind of women they will and will not marry for years, and people are cool with it. They are hailed for saying they can’t marry women who can’t cook even if they can’t boil egg.
Men who are as ugly as the cartoon character Shrek can boldly state that they want models for wives and people will nod in agreement and call them real men.
Men with pot bellies as big as six months pregnancies will come out and declare that their wives must be slim, beautiful and intelligent and people will clap for them like they are under a spell.
Now, women are saying what they want from men they want to settle down with and people have turned inspirational speakers telling them that money is not everything.
Even if these ladies come from poor homes, don’t they have the right to reject poverty and go for riches so that they can be comfortable in life? Don’t they have the right to dream for a better future? Don’t they want to enjoy money and luxury like others do?
You tell women to marry men with vision and prospects while men are busy looking for women with big boobs and buttocks plus chefs and cleaners to wife. Men look out for pretty faces, well shaped breasts and rounded buttocks and no one is whining.
Will vision put food on the table if it’s not converted to money? Do men marry women because of vision? How many men even marry their wives because of vision minus physical attraction as well as culinary and cleaning skills? How many men wake up and marry women without checking out their bodies first? Now, women are told to embrace vision and prospects. Women want money, intelligence, hot bodies and functional rods too.
Stop threatening women with eternal single hood because they refuse to settle for less that they want when it comes to choosing a life partner. The last time I checked, bring single is not a crime and it is not a contagious disease either. It is better to be single than to end up with a spouse one is not proud of.
The issue is that Nigerians don’t like women they can’t control, shame, scare or stop when it comes to living her best life without considering societal expectations. That’s why they call these women unprintable names just to reduce them to nothing.
But these days, many ladies don’t care about unhealthy societal expectations. They don’t bother what people say about their life choices. They know what they want and they go for it. And that is the best way for women to live their lives in this society.
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RE: ARE YOUR HANDS STAINED WITH BLOOD?
You are writing like a wounded snake as every marriage and every man must be destroyed. Are you sure young boys are safe near you? 0909….052 Kate my dear, please don’t allow these disgruntled men who are deliberately wicked to their wives to deter you. Your writings are highly educative and you shouldn’t allow their negativity to demoralize you. When I read peoples’ reactions towards your articles, I wonder how some of these men treat their wives. Please continue to educate us. We are ready to learn to make difference in our generation.
-Geotrade, Abuja
Nice and interesting write up. In all your write ups, you do have critics but I will like to see those that will criticize this particular article ‘are your hands stained with blood?’ Keep up the good work.
-Eric, Owerri
You think people will forget that you hate men and marriage when you make noise about rape. Tell those small girls who come into people’s homes to seduce innocent men to stop behaving like little prostitutes. You won’t understand how men feel living with girls who dress and sleep anyhow because you are not a man. Stop blaming men, man hater.
-Obinna, Aba
Thank you for such an excellent article. I was really enlightened about the situation on ground. All hands must be on deck to lock up and castrate all those stupid monsters and their evil wives. Our girls must be safe and happy. Thanks once again.
-Barrister Olisa
My dear Kate, I cannot thank you enough for speaking for the voiceless. My God will surely speak for you. You are a blessing to mankind. Keep it up!
-Emeka Okoloeze
Kate, God will continue to bless you for speaking up about this epidemic. It is only God will help us, because we are in a wicked generation but no wicked person shall go unpunished.
-Amaga Ndubuisi, Enugu
Those whose hands are stained with blood will meet their doom very soon. Disgrace and shame shall be theirs. They must know that nothing is hidden under the sun. Thank you for always talking about important issues. It is funny that the people who insult you still read your articles every week. It shows that they are also learning from you because you are better than them.
-James Ekpeh, Lagos
Dear Kate, thank you for your good advice to men and women who connive to rape peoples daughters. God bless you. Let him who has ears hear that the wicked won’t go free.
-Rev. Amuji Emmanuel, Enugu
So many women are major accomplice to their husbands’ nefarious activities, remember Evans, the notorious kidnap kingpin’s wife. I applaud you for raising this crucial alarm. This article is a nice cry against pedophiles and their accomplices.
-Ovuta Sunday