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Is it possible to cheat on someone you love?

If you have ever been cheated on, then you would understand what it means to get to the point of rage and anger that was boiling inside. The pain feels like your heart is ripped open by fire-branded pliers. With this pain comes the question ‘what did I do wrong or didn’t do right?’

True love is selfless and sacrificial, but there’s nothing selfless or sacrificial about having an affair. Honesty, loyalty, respect, commitment and faithfulness are key elements in  a healthy relationship. When you cheat, you are putting your needs and desires above the needs and desires of your significant other.

If you truly respect the person you are in love with, you will never be able to cheat on him or her. You would just not be capable of doing that to someone you care deeply about. You can certainly care for your partner, but you don’t care enough or love them enough to be faithful when you cheat.

Truly loving a person with all of your heart means there would be no one else. Other men or women would not even mean anything to you. Cheating of any kind involves lying and dishonesty. Your partner is kept in the dark about what is happening and like a child, you are manipulating them; controlling what they know and don’t know.

Why would you cheat when you have everything you want in your partner?

Many people believe in this myth that if you love your partner, you won’t feel attracted to any other person. This myth is true but only on fantasy land. In reality, things are quite different.

I believe you can love someone and still cheat on him/her. Cheating sometimes has nothing to do with feelings for the other person and in some cases, it has nothing to do with anything the other person fails to do.

When I say ‘You can love someone and still cheat on him/her’ I mean that the person is still your best friend. You still want to stay with them for the rest of your life, you value their opinions above all others. You work for their happiness. You will take a bullet for them if you saw it first. You are proud of their accomplishments and heartbroken by their setbacks, as if they are your own. You are broken, devastated and crippled by guilt of letting them down.

People cheat for several reasons, most cheats are looking for an outside fix for something that can only be addressed from within and they will continue to cheat until they address their internal needs. Cheating is controlled by certain psychological needs and most times, people cheat to satisfy such needs and not because he/she hates or loves their partner less.

Some people have never in their lives stayed faithful to one partner. At each point in time, they have had more than one sex partner even when they are in a well defined relationship that they show mind and soul commitment to. But sticking to one person when it comes to body becomes near impossible for such people.

People are likely to cheat even when they are perfectly happy with their partners. The issue may be that they want something a little more edgy, variety, spicy, excitement, higher emotional intensify, unadulterated thrill of illicit meet ups, not particularly for the sex. Most times, they don’t fully even understand why they are looking for this kind of excitement. There’s just something they cannot clearly place their fingers on.

In trying to justify cheating, it also matters if your cheating is a one-time thing or an ongoing affair. A one-time thing or a fling in the moment of weakness is different from an ongoing affair. The one time partner feels really guilty and in few cases wish to confess even without being caught, but an ongoing affair only feels guilty when caught and often have very good, though unjustifiable reasons to cheat.

Some people are attracted to having secret relationships because it involves higher emotional intensity and excitement than their present relationship. They mistakenly believe that they don’t love their partners anymore, and this is because they don’t understand that disappearance of affection at a particular stage in a relationship is normal stage.

Love won’t stop you from cheating. What true love does when cheating situations arise is to flee from temptation and not put their trusts in their strength. It’s not everyone that cheats, even though everyone has the capacity to do so. There are no prevention methods when it comes to cheating that is not premeditated. For you not to cheat, you must make up your mind and work towards it.

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