Recently, I heard a story about two best friends. Let me call them Mary and Martha. These two friends did everything together and they never kept secrets. Years after they got married, they still continued their friendship and they became close family friends.

However, Martha’s husband lost his job and so their finances nosedived. Martha wasn’t working either at that time but fortunately, an opening came up at Mary’s husband’s office and Mary told Martha to apply for the job because she was qualified.  Martha applied and she got the job.

However, a problem started when Mary’s husband began to flirt with Martha at work. Initially, she didn’t know what to make of it, she felt maybe she was the one reading meanings to it and so she pretended it was all in her head.

But Mary’s husband didn’t stop, he started groping her anytime they were alone and she told him bluntly that she wasn’t interested. On one or two occasions she slapped Mary’s husband in the face when he tried to touch her inappropriately at the office.

Martha couldn’t tell her husband because of late he had become insecure because she was now the breadwinner and she knew if she told him he would tell her to stop the job.

Martha knew they needed the money and she couldn’t even tell her best friend either because she didn’t want to hurt her. In their 20 years of friendship, that was the first time, she would be keeping secrets from her friend. However, Mary’s husband became so desperate that he tried to rape her at the office when they worked late. At this junction, Martha decided it was the time she informed her friend. Unfortunately, for her it was too late, Mary’s husband cooked up some stories about her and Mary. He even went ahead to show Martha’s husband some messages. He allegedly claimed that Martha sent them to him begging him to sleep with her. Martha lost her best friend, job, and now her marriage is in shamble.

There are many cases like this in our society; there are men whose hobbies are to sleep with their wives’ friends. They have no shame and don’t care about hurting other peoples’ feelings.

Fortunately, for these men, they have all been having a field day because they know their victims won’t tell on them. Well, do I blame them? Of course, I don’t, because many women in Nigeria have been raised as timid girls. We have been told to always keep silent and suffer, no matter what happens. We have seen this happen from generation to generation that women who tell on these men are the ones who get shamed after saying the truth.

So, because of this many women who are being violated by their friends or sisters, aunties or cousins husband prefer to keep quiet about it. Unfortunately, as these women keep quiet, their guards are usually yanked off by these men gradually.  They resort to all types of tricks and some even go as low as using blackmail and then these men eventually have their way.

That is why I will advise anyone that is in such situation to scream it loud and clear to the wife of the person involved. It doesn’t matter if your friend is hurt; tell her that her husband wants to take a dive into murky waters. If you are sincere and you are not interested, let her know he has been groping you at every corner. Women! We should quit this silence party and speak out! Silence doesn’t help, it is better to speak out. When women start speaking out on sexual harassment in the home or the office, then I am sure these men will learn to keep their third leg where it should be.  If women start talking and shaming these men they will know that there are boundaries. They will understand that it is not all women that you get attracted to that you must sleep with and they will understand that when a woman says no, she means no.

So, with all emphasis, I am saying that, if your friend’s husband is flirting with you tell your friend. If your sister’s husband is trying to sleep with you tell your sister. If your cousin’s husband is trying to sleep with you tell your cousin.

If a man can stoop so low and decides that he wants to sleep with his wife’s friend, sister, cousin or any close relation of hers, then he has no shame and so you have no business protecting him. If you are not bold enough to tell his wife, tease her regularly about it or confide in a well-respected family member. If you don’t do this these treacherous men will turn the tide against you and you will become the culprit.

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However, if you are telling anyone you have to equip yourself with adequate proof. You need good evidence that will prove beyond reasonable doubt that this “horseband” in question is guilty as charged. Sister, if you don’t arm yourself with the evidence, you might get yourself into trouble and lose the relationship.

Equally, protect your friend or relation. That man your friend is married to that cannot control his libido doesn’t deserve her. If he is hitting on you he is disrespecting her and he doesn’t value their marriage at all. If a man must cheat on his wife, he should go far away and he shouldn’t be messing around in her territory.

Moreover, I understand this kind of situation can be tricky because your loyalty will be pulled towards different angle. But let me tell you, your loyalty remains with your friend, sister, aunt or cousin. You didn’t know this guy from anywhere if not that he got married to this special person in your life, so if he is misbehaving tell his wife and move out.

Yes! You need to move out or stay far away from them and if possible severe relationship with the couple.

Besides, get ready to be called names even by your own friend or relations. You should know how the way Nigerian marriages work and so don’t fret when you are being called the enemy afterwards. Be ready for all the hate speech because even your friend that you are trying to protect will turn against you.

Unfortunately, I really find it hard to understand how some Nigerian marriages work, because in most scenarios of a cheating husband the husband is never wrong. No matter what the man is never wrong! It is a pity that many Nigerian wives’ self-esteem is in shamble and they have been raised to believe that the success of their marriage is the only thing that matters. For many of these women, marriage is the ultimate super ambition they have. Their lives and worth centre round being called a “Mrs So-and-so. In many cheating scenarios, despite the heartbreak these women go through, they still protect these straying men.

It breaks my heart because the cheating escapades of the average Nigerian man is easily swept under the carpet, while the person who decided to tell on the lousy cheating husband would be tagged the devil. Yes! They will call her unprintable names like a home wrecker, Jezebel, seducer and what have you. She is the one who has the seducing spirit and she has been sent by the queen of the coast to destroy a happy home. They will raise prayer points on her head and begin to cast and bind.

Meanwhile, these women have refused to see where the problem lies; they have chosen to become suddenly blind and that is why we are where we are today. Cheating men thrive in our society because we indulge them, we massage their ego and encourage them to go and make more conquest by keeping quiet.

Oh! It is so annoying when I hear women say that a man will always cheat because he is a man. Why can’t a woman cheat because she is a woman? Who said that married women can’t be promiscuous too? Who said that married women are not sexually attracted to other men? So, because a woman is married she is suddenly blind?

However, these women have simply refused to yield to lust because they swore an oath of faithfulness on the altar of marriage. They have refused to cheat on their men because they know marriage is sacred. And most of all, they know the society is unforgiving when a woman cheats, they know how the society will spit on them and humiliate them when caught cheating, so they are afraid.  After all, a woman is supposed to control her libido when conji calls, even when her husband is a serial cheat and she knows. We have been told to stay, fold our arms, watch, accept and mourn in silence.

But today, I am calling on women to rise up and let us change the narratives. If a man is hounding you in the office or at home, speak out and don’t be afraid. If you feel threatened, report to the appropriate authorities. Don’t be afraid. Speak out! Enough is enough! Let us all come together to declare a war on cheating husbands.