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I want to be a baby mama too!

yea, you heard me right! I want to be a baby mama. It’s my latest ambition in life.  It’s a trend that will transport me to the level of an instant cosmopolitan chic.  If I become a baby mama now, I can lead a good lifestyle, become an instant celebrity, I will wear all the designers I can’t afford now and I won’t have to bother paying my bills again.
All my worries for money and good life become history because being a baby mama will give me a life of great luxuries.  My levels will change and I will be flying in private jets and sailing in yatches across the globe.
So, how do I achieve this? First and foremost, I need to hunt for a rich guy and high-flying gentleman, whether he is married or not.
I will lure the unassuming man into having unprotected sex, under the pretext that I cannot become pregnant or I am on a pill. Then few weeks later, I will come with tears and snouts dripping from my nose begging and pleading that I didn’t understand how I got pregnant.  As a very sharp Yoruba girl, I will tell him that I have been warned by a woli (prophet) since I was a little girl not to have an abortion and then we will hit it off from there.
But unfortunately for me, this ambition can’t come to a reality, because I am too old, my heart belongs to someone already and I have already borne all the fruits of my womb for him. So, this ambition is dead on arrival.
However, I have observed that the baby mama syndrome has been trending for sometime now and for many young women this is an instant hit to fame and wealth.
These breeds of young girls don’t care, if the man is married or single. All they want is to have a child for him and that child automatically becomes their trophy.  They are not interested in getting married to such men, because they believe that marriage will rob them of their freedom.
Moreover, if tides and climes change for this man, they can easily go invest in another wealthy man and bear him another child. These girls are smart and calculating and they don’t go for guys who manage to spare few wads of naira.  They go for guys who are flourishing, men who own empires, and men who have fame and multimillion estate or fortune to leave behind.
Interestingly, these girls are young, sassy and sexy. They identify their prey and they hunt them down. No matter how women smart you are, they will get you if they want. They are a new breed and they know all the tricks of this game. For them getting deliberately pregnant for a rich man is a career option.
Go and ask men who have been caught in this web of deceit and they will tell you how they have been forced to part with their money once they have been ensnared into this game.
Although, these men are not particularly innocent, because they simply fell into the abyss of ecstasy without protection and so these breed of women are their nemesis.
To an extent, I can sympathize with the single guys because they are not bound by any vows and the kind of seductions from these girls can blow anyone’s mind. On the other hand, having unprotected sex with a woman you are not so sure about isn’t a good thing and this can get you into serious problems.
For the married men, it’s a pity this will haunt you for the rest of your lives, you have to keep parting with inflated school fees that you can’t do anything about because she knows you have this money and you will be paying for her lifestyle until your love child comes of age.
She is the cankerworm that the Bible warned you about; the problem is that this one never goes away.  Her baby is her trophy; her meal ticket and she will guard it with her whole life.
If you want to fight her, please don’t you dare!  Even if you doubt the pregnancy is not yours, please don’t. They don’t make mistakes, because one of the rules of this game is that, you should never sleep with any other than your prey. It’s only the amateurs that give other people’s children to the wrong person.
If you are still insisting on fighting, then go ahead.  But you can’t win! They will chase you with the best lawyers in town; they will use the media to fight you dirty.  They can attack you and embarrass you at your place of work or anywhere you hangout.  They will fight you with everything they have.
However, it’s your wife I pity during this war. Her secret tears and pain that no one will see.  I sympathize with your wife, because she didn’t know when you were grinding her and I trust these baby mamas, they will pull her too in all this mess.
You will be the one asking for mercy, because they’re shameless and without scruples. These girls have no name or fame to protect; in fact all these antics will make her ride high on your name. They have done their homework well and so they will win! They will have their trophy and get all the financial support they require. Also, you will have no choice but to leave some inheritance for the love child too.   Bros, you have got no choice. “You don hang!”
You think this is strange? Ha! You have not even heard anything. These days’ baby mamas throw parties when they get pregnant.
Oh, you think a woman should go bury her head in shame when she gets pregnant without a husband?
You must be living in the 1960s, please wake up and welcome to 2017. In 2017, when a lady gets pregnant for a rich guy, she celebrates and rejoices. She pops champagne, because she is birthing an oil block.
All her friends will support her and throw a posh baby shower to spite the wife or the main chic. They will splash the photos on social media and tag all those who disapprove. Even sometimes, the baby’s daddy will participate, especially the foolish ones who think there is future in this. The baby’s daddy who doesn’t know that if the sun doesn’t shine again, this piranha woman will move on.
Please don’t get me wrong, there are well-respected single mothers and I am not demonizing any honest and well-respected single mum here.   There are single mothers who work tireless for their children and I am not talking about this set of women. I am talking about women who shy away from work and marriage and they are looking for easy financial support.
To many of these women, marriage doesn’t seem to have the same resonance it once had. Instead, these women want a baby. For them, babies are becoming a lot more fashionable and they are becoming laurels to be won.
I am addressing every single woman who becomes pregnant and will exploit her target through loopholes, which can get her a suitably furnished house in Lekki or Banana Island, fleet of cars, luxurious vacations, nursery, secondary and university fees.
Their targets are high earning, high flying and high virility men.   And to you madam in the house, these women are not ready to drag Mrs. with you. They are only interested in having that child. It’s a business transaction and like every good investment, they want good returns. They have no time with emotions, they are calculating business moguls but you also have to watch your back because sometimes they can get greedy and want more children.
You should worry about your husband and not her. Mrs, you should know how to handle your husband, because he is the one who is bound by vows to you. If you have to tie his penis to your apron, please do.  If you have to pack condoms in his bags when he travels and remind him to use them, please do. Or try this best option, put a sleeping pill into his food, sneak him to a family planning centre and let them do vasectomy on him.
To all the rich guys out there, you should know that any man that has an unprotected sex is plain stupid. You are the one asking for a big dent in your pocket and I don’t pity you at all. After all, you should know that a one night stand, a fling or an affair could leave you with a long term financial hangover, if it leads to pregnancy.

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Editor, Online: Ikenna Emewu
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