– The Sun News

‘I feel like I’m being mentally raped’

hello njigirl,

Please keep anonymous, I just read through your article on women being rendered breadwinners all in a drop.

Please is there anywhere one can get help as this situation is draining life out of me gradually?

Its easier when its for a loving caring husband but when its for a devilish husband fear and pain drive one mentally raped. I feel this will eventually consume me, I wish someone can help me please.


It has been a while since I received this mail from you but I am compelled to find out how you are doing. The issue of reversed roles has been threatening the social fabric of families in recent times. Some men have relegated their roles to the women and when the women assume the status of breadwinner the men often get jealous and become abusive mentally and sometimes physically.

In today’s business world, many women are taking positions of authority and seating at powerful board meetings where they make major decisions. Even with that there is bias about their qualifications and experience whereby they are judged not by their merits and achievements but by their femininity and sexuality. Such women are equally mistreated in their homes especially by jealous spouses who cannot see beyond their gender.

Now these women are head of household, breadwinners and occupy the father role but they still face emotional, financial or physical abuse. What can be done?

Women have to be bold about their roles. Women must demand respect. At the same token, the man is still the biblical and traditional head of household but if he hands that role over on a silver platter, he should not expect gold in return. I do not advocate for women to disrespect their spouses but they must demand respect for themselves if they are also breadwinners in the home by default if you will. Women must learn to be firm yet tactful, caring yet calculating, loving and still be a wife. Do you know that God will keep blessing you and even take away from your spouse to ensure that you meet up with your burden? What does the bible say about men that “do not provide for his own, and especially for those of his own house, ——–“Timothy 5: 8? If he is deliberately not providing he will soon bear the wrath of the Almighty.

My advice? Continue to do the right thing by your children. Be sure to provide food in the home, pay the house rent, send your children to school, clothe them and most importantly do not deny him his conjugal rights. Take care of yourself enrolling in self-development courses, obtaining your degree, seeking that promotion at work and exercising and looking good. It is a privilege to be the breadwinner and decision maker. Take it and run with it instead of sulking and feeling overwhelmed. Turn it around for your good.

Stand your ground when it comes to giving him any money or funding his bogus business ideas; DO NOT. Trust me, our God will see you through. I hope this helps,

ν Dr. NJ


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