By Tony Ogaga Busty actress, Ella Gift Mensah, hit the limelight after she acted in Crime to Christ, a Ghallywood flick in 2010. However, due to her acting prowess, she hit Nollywood in 2012 after a popular movie producer invited her, and today, she straddles both industries as one of the most sought after actresses. In…
I met a man recently and he wasn’t looking like his bubbly self. He complained bitterly that he was afraid of losing his wife of over ten years to handsome, rich men. He told me she has changed from the loving, attentive wife she was to a carefree, outgoing and late-night keeping woman.
He asked me what he would do to keep her by his side forever. I was moved that he wanted to work on his marriage. I had to calm him down. I assured him that if he pressed the right buttons, his wife will not look outside. I advised him to up his game so that he would outdo those men trying to snatch his wife.
With divorce rates sky rocketing, Nigerian men need to work hard as their women have been doing over the years to make their marriages work. They should focus more on building their homes rather than waiting for their women to do all the building. It takes two to make marriage work.
Every woman is different, don’t start comparing your wife to the women you meet outside your home. If you love your wife, you will work to please her. You will cultivate the qualities she desires. You will improve in areas that you are lagging behind, that’s your job as her husband. Remember that you have everything you need to make your wife always feel as in love with you as she did from day one.
Women are often told they need to change to please men, but men are excused from changing to please their women. If anything is hard in a relationship, it’s constantly keeping the affection of the person you love. Even though it may seem difficult, it’s not impossible. If you want something enough and you are willing to work for it, you will be able to accomplish it. This applies even to love. Men should work to keep their women.
Give your woman constant attention. Make your wife fall in love with you daily with your actions. You didn’t do her a favour by marrying her. You both need each other to go through life’s many adventures. So, don’t say it’s a woman’s job to build her marriage alone. Do your job well. There are many sharks out there eyeing your wife and are willing to do anything to have her. Don’t make it easy for them.
Another thing you can do to keep your marriage is giving your woman space to breathe. Don’t overburden her with house chores and expect a stripper’s kind of sex at night. She won’t have the energy to do acrobatics when the time comes if she’s doing all the work at home. It’s your home too, do house chores. It doesn’t make you less of a man to clean and cook at home.
Most men feel that giving their women too much space might make them run in the opposite direction. But, when your woman truly loves you and is committed to you, she is not going anywhere. So, loosen the leash. Allow your wife to hang out with her friends. Let her go clubbing with her friends. Give her space to be free and to bond with her friends. Let your wife enjoy time out with her ladies without incessantly calling or texting her. She will come home when she’s done.
Another thing you can do to keep your woman by your side forever is to appreciate her constantly. Don’t you love it when your woman appreciates you for things you do and the person you are? Also, doesn’t it make you feel so good to be in a relationship where your partner does not take you for granted? Well, same goes for the women too.
Tell her she’s beautiful. Praise her for being the best thing that happened to you. Thank her for taking care of the family. Say thank you after eating, it will make her smile. She will be more receptive to your touches. When she takes time to dress up for you, don’t just nod like a lizard when she shows you her dress. Tell her what’s she’s wearing looks beautiful on her. Plant a kiss on her lips.
If you want your woman to be by your side for life, make a contribution to your relationship. Bring something to the relationship that makes life easier for both of you. You can generate more income so that your woman can be comfortable. You can cook and clean too. Don’t wait for the woman who went to work to beat hours of traffic and come back home to start sweating in the kitchen while you have been home for hours doing nothing.
Men, one aspect you should pay attention to is looking nice for your woman. You should put in more efforts in that regard. Sometimes, when I see some men and the way their stomachs jump up and down like ocean waves, I begin to pity their wives. You don’t go to gym to work on your body for your woman, yet you are complaining of her body shape after three or four children. You are just being unfair.
Take pride in looking nice for her. It’s not just about looking nice for each other, but engaging in mutually supportive healthy behaviours. Get some exercise, eat mostly good food, and you will be happier, hornier and less likely to get a debilitating disease before your time. Take care of your body so that your wife will be proud to showcase you to the world. She won’t be dodging going out with you because of how you are looking.
Go easy on nagging. This notion that it’s only women who nag is wrong. I have a friend whose husband can nag for hours non- stop. He can whine and whine that she will just take her things and leave the house. There are many women whose husbands are professional nags. And this is not healthy for your relationship. Stop nagging. Talk to your woman when issues come up, don’t nag. You might push her away into the arms of waiting men outside.
Don’t belittle or punish your woman whenever she offends you. That’s not the best way to solve your issues. Address issues as they come properly. Deal with these issues and not your partner. You also need to get past it quickly, because dragging it out and making her feel small isn’t going to help your relationship heal.
You can’t be keeping malice with your wife for days and expect good sex. You can’t be rejecting food and expect her to adjust whenever you touch her. You can’t be reminding her of her weaknesses all the time and expect her to be happy. You shouldn’t use her past mistakes against her either. That’s petty, mean and vindictive. Let forgiveness be your watchword. This will keep your woman by your side come rain, come shine.
Men, don’t assume you are the only ones who love surprise sex. Women love sex. They love surprise sex too. Women love the thrilling feeling of orgasms. Don’t joke with your woman’s sexual satisfaction. Don’t say she’s there to get pregnant and give birth to children. A woman is a sexual being who loves to explore sexual fantasies too.
During sex, don’t jump in and out of her without foreplay. You need to go learn the art of making your woman scream in bed. Ask her where she wants to be touched. Take time to work on her body before you start thrusting.
Don’t be dragging her underwear like ‘I better pass my neighbour’ generator without getting her in the mood first. Don’t allow some other man teach her sweet things that you don’t know. You will lose her. Ask her for feedbacks after sex. Don’t assume you did well because your ex-girlfriends lied to you that you are the best even though you are a noodles man.
You need to have your woman’s back in everything she does. I’m not saying you should help her cover up a crime, but there will be times that she’s going to be in desperate need of an ally, and you should not fail her.
If you can’t stand by your wife when the whole world is against her, you are not worthy to be called her husband. If the relationship is going to last, you need to work as a team. Everything is about working together for the successful continuation of your relationship.
So, there you have it guys. Work on your marriage with these points and thank me later.