Dear Njigirl,
I have a boyfriend who doesn’t seem to know what he wants. We have been dating for one year and he comes up with weird excuses why we can’t go to the next level. He will fix a date with me and not show up and then two days later he will call as if nothing happened.
I have already discounted him as a boyfriend. Just the other day we were texting each other and he told me he loved me. I made a funny face and told him that he had no clue about dating. He replied and said: “I really love you and you are mine until death do us part.” That was a little freaky and I immediately replied and said: “I am sorry but you are not the one for me. I am sorry it has not worked out, have a nice life.”
He shot back: “You cannot get away from me, and you are mine.”
Okay, I feel like moving and changing my phone number. This guy is so weird. In one year, we have actually slept together just twice and been on a date times and so many canceled dates and he claims that I am his? Till death do us part? Is he for real? Please help. He is freaking me out.
■ Christy
Dear christy,
I want to say, get out of town fast, this guy is a weirdo but I won’t say that. You are a big girl, right? You must confront your fears and take control of the situation. What gives him the right to treat you as he likes and be the one to call the shots? No way. You must reverse the roles.
You know some dudes are just shy, very unsociable, rude, and think that they are God’s gift to women. Your guy sounds like he fits into one of these categories of males. These characteristics are super annoying in males and need to be fixed.
So your guy is shy: Although this trait can be annoying, it is also more manageable than the rest of the other traits because you can actually help him to come out of his cocoon and work with you. If he is the type that will not make the first move after that romantic dinner, movie night, just look him in the eye and tell him how much you enjoyed the night and want to show him what the night cap could be if he is willing. Invite him into your apartment and turn on that music that he loves and then go on and slip into something comfortable. Invite him to dance; well the rest is history that you can tell later.
So even that one that is not sociable is also a little shy until you are alone. Yes, he wants you all to himself. You need to accommodate him by having those eat-in, movie nights at his place or yours.
Okay the rude one and the one who thinks he is your gift from the universe does not really deserve you. You just have to call his bluff for him to realize that you are not cheap and would not drool all over him.
So first determine what kind of guy you have. Then, I recommend that you ask your guy to meet you at your favourite restaurant so that you can talk. Ask him point blank what he expects from your relationship. Depending on the type of trait he exhibits you will know how to handle him. As stated above, if he is rude and arrogant, just dump him and do not give him another chance.
Ask him what he meant by those statements he made earlier. It is possible that he believes that you have something going just because you have been intimate. Tell him what your limits are and what you expect from the relationship. Can he meet any of your requirements? If so then give him your conditions and another chance.
Good luck,
■ Dr. NJ