Your partner may have two different personalities. In public, they are admired, approachable, calm, relatable, and nice to a fault that people keep singing how lucky you are to be married to him or her.

In fact, your partner may be active in your neighborhood and even in your church marriage counseling committee but he’s different with you at home.

They are so public image driven that they focus more on pleasing outsiders than their own partner. They give out gifts and huge sums of money to outsiders yet their partner and family is in need.
Such partners have good reputation outside which is entirely different from who they are behind closed doors. They are after public applause, paying more attention to outsiders and not bothering about their immediate family.

It’s so bad that their partners would literally plead with them to grant them just a minute of their time to have decent conversation like two mature adults without them flaring up or walking out on them. They even resort to prayers to bind the spirit of anger in their spouses.

These people have zero empathy. They have no remorse whatsoever about how they are treating their spouses. They are also not courteous as they cannot utter please, thank you or I’m sorry. They are brash and highly irritable. Their entitlement mentality is second to none.

It is worrisome that such partners reserve their anger exclusively for their family, yet they are so different to outsiders and they don’t feel that anything is wrong with them. Such people are manipulative narcissists.
Manipulative people value their public image so much and this is the reason they come across as some of the best people but they are totally wolves in sheep’s clothing.

They come across like a great parent as they post pictures of their children online. They also appear to be great partners by their many, loving online posts about their partner.

They can also go out of their way to volunteer if need be, and even help their neighbors, friends and colleagues but they are different at home.

If your partner is guilty of this behavior, don’t blame yourself. You are not the reason they behave the way they do, they are not just emotionally intelligent. Manipulative people find it hard to change because they don’t believe they have any behavioral problem.

The hostility meant strictly for your immediate family is not normal, it is something way deeper and bigger. It could be as a result of a dysfunctional child hood upbringing, you need help if you are good to outsiders but mean and wicked to your immediate family.

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If you find yourself wondering if you are a narcissist and highly manipulative, destructive or dangerous person to your partner, just know that it is totally normal to question your own behavior and even see the pains you cause your loved ones.

Take a moment and ask yourself what exactly your partner does that makes you angry and explode with anger. Why don’t you have empathy, remorse, care and concern for your partner?

If you have the sincere desire to change, with determination and deliberate efforts you will most likely change for the better towards your partner. You can also seek professional help by seeing a therapist. It is important to treat the problem from the roots.

If you are still single, it is better to weigh your options, if you see such red flags in a potential partner. You should gather more information to be sure if their behaviour fall within the realm of normal, understandable, and acceptable behavior to you or if it is a naked wire waiting to explode. If you feel you can’t cope, that is a sign you should get out before it’s too late. Encourage them to seek help as well.

Your partner and immediate family should be your priority. The public you seek to please at your family’s expense actually don’t really care about you.
Don’t be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Get your priorities in order. Let your great personality also reflect in your relationship with your partner.

RE: The pains of living with a destructive woman

It is good to see that you are rational in your thinking. The truth is that both men and women must make conscious efforts at making their relationships happy and peaceful. Blame game will not solve any problem. God bless yo.
–09062150. . .

God bless you for this wonderful piece, you are not biased at all, you educate both male and female.
–08063882 . . .

Your piece is honest to the core. Destructive behaviors displayed by some ladies and wives are pilots to domestic violence. No man is a weakling to an overtly abusive woman. Fellow ladies, watch your anger! Remain blessed.
–Ijeoma, Lagos

Lady, you are a good teacher, keep it up!
– John Pius, Owerri