It is easier for couples to tell each other about their financial difficulties, but it is almost impossible for couples to let each other in on how much they are worth in cash. You claim to love him/her, provide for them, eat their food, sleep beside each other etc yet don’t trust him/her enough to let them know your worth financially. What are you afraid of?
Financial infidelity is not about cheating on your partner with another man or woman, neither is it about quickly deleting messages or avoiding calls from a lover or when around your partner. Some partners quickly rush to their phones because they don’t want their significant other to stumble on any bank alert on their phones. Such messages or emails are quickly deleted.
Financial infidelity involves money-related behaviors or conducts where one or even the two partners are not truthful or open about their finances to each other
A survey carried out by self.com and today.com of almost 24,000 men and women revealed that almost 50% of married adults admitted to keeping money secrets from their spouses.The survey further revealed that 37% of men and 56% of women admitted to lying to their partners about money, 63% of men and 70% of women agreed that being honest about money was as good as being monogamous.
Financial infidelity happens in many ways than we may even think of. For instance, a husband who buys a N250, 000 shoe, but lies to his wife that the shoe is N20,000 is a financial cheat; a wife that under buys the family’s daily needs just to save some money for herself without the consent of her husband is also a cheat. While these two may have genuine reasons for not letting their partner know exactly that they lied or cheated, are their reasons for cheating justifiable?
The truth is that most people cover up money behaviors they think their partner may not approve of, so they hide their spendings
Some men can trust their wives with their lives. They eat every meal she prepares with no reservation or fear. These same men will never either by mistake or at gunpoint tell their wives how much is in their bank account, nor make them signatories, their reasons ranges from :
-she may start monitoring his spendings;
-he may start losing his wife’s respect because she now knows he’s worth almost nothing in cash;
-she may insist on changing their children’s school to a more expensive one;
-she may want to take a vacation; go on a shopping spree, have her car changed, move to a better apartment in a highbrow neighborhood etc.
So these men would rather keep their financial information to themselves and have peace of mind than let her in, they feel safer when she’s not in the know.
Although there are men whose wives are their finance managers, there are women as well, whose husbands are their finance managers. Most men who are loose spenders but married to prudent wives trust their wives to a large extent to manage their finances. But this category of men and women are very few in this clime.
Some military and paramilitary men leave their wives with the ATM cards to their salary accounts, for easy access to cash because they are always on the move. Though this doesn’t give their wives access to their husbands other bank accounts details, so she may never know how much he’s worth
While there is a saving-spouse, there is also a spending-spouse. The saving spouse saves most times without the consent of a spending spouse, he or she saves from even the most meagre income, saving for the rainy days or for a project, their justification for saving without the consent of their spending partner is mostly because their partner won’t let them have rest when he/she finds out such money exists, so it’s better he/she is not aware. While the reason for keeping secret such information may be good, but it is cheating.
This does not mean that a saving spouse does not spend, they are just prudent and financially disciplined
A spending partner feels money is meant to be spent especially if the need arises. They wish to take care of their needs and wants, they live in the moment, they don’t think much about tomorrow. A spending partner doesn’t want to be controlled or monitored, any of such monitoring or control often leads to serious altercations. Though this is not to say that a spending partner doesn’t save, they do save too but won’t hesitate to spend once the need arises.
Saving spouses are sometimes very stingy and controlling when it comes to spending, they would want full detail on their partner’s every spending and they won’t stop complaining.
Financial Infideliy stems from trust issues, bitter experiences, or learning from other people’s mistakes. Many husbands have had their lives cut short by their wives who got too greedy, so also has many wives lost their lives mysteriously after their husbands realised their worth financially.
Your spouse knowing how much you are worth or earn can be a blessing or a curse. It is a blessing if your partner is a saver, helps you to save more, secures your financial investments, doesn’t monitor your spendings but trusts your sense of judgment. But it’s a curse when your partner is the spending spouse, sees you as stingy and wicked, they don’t ever want you to say no to their every monetary demands, neither do they fancy accountability. They believe if the money is there, then provide what they want.
Knowing your spouse’s spending culture is key to guiding you on letting them in, on your finances. Also knowing if you are a saving or spending spouse yourself may well just give you an answer to why your spouse trusts or doesn’t trust you with their money details.