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Financial infidelity

Alex and Angela have been married for two years now and the relationship is perfect. But lately, Alex has been having money issues with his wife. Angela is a shopaholic in every ramification; there is nothing Alex says that will make her stop. She makes reckless purchases and when her husband calls her attention to it, she becomes defensive. The last time was when Angela went to withdraw a lump sum from their savings to buy human hair. So angry was Alex that he had to leave home for days only to come back after the intervention of emissaries sent to beg him.

Cheating isn’t always sexual. You can cheat on your spouse by misappropriating your finance. First and foremost, I am going to start with women because research has shown that women are more likely to hide their finances than men. There are many women who are doing so well, who will never lift a finger to assist in the running of the home.

These are the same women screaming equality and feminism but when it comes to practicing the core values of these things, they are nowhere to be found.

They believe that their money is their own money, while their husband’s money is for everyone. There are women who know how their husbands struggle to pay school fees, but they don’t care. These women will rather buy aso-ebi or expensive shoes instead of assisting their husband. These women enjoy patriarchy when it favours them, but when the monster comes out to haunt them, they start screaming themselves hoarse.
There are many millennial women who want to eat their cake and have it. They are only comfortable with gender equality when it suits their purpose, but when it comes to talking about their personal finances and taking responsibilities, they get all worked up. Women who are gender equality advocates and financially independent should contribute to the cost of home running proportionately to their income.

To every woman out there, managing your finances should be a means of empowerment and not for intimidating your significant other.
So, if you are a woman, you have a good job and you are reading this, you should start taking up responsibilities in the house. You are no longer a child; you are an adult; so, stop overburdening your husband or the men in your lives.  It is a different matter when a woman is not working. If you are working and you don’t care about the running cost of your home, then you are irresponsible!

Like I mentioned earlier, infidelity is not only when you are hopping from one bed to another. Men who hide their financial status from their wives are also guilty of financial infidelity. There is a story of a man who had ran a big company which his wife wasn’t aware of until his death. There are so many men whose wives have no clue about their landed properties and I wonder why you should be keeping such secrets from the one you love. I think the Nigerian man has been raised not to declare all what he has to his wife so that he won’t be killed by his wife at the long run.
That’s gibberish!  Please, if you have that mindset, I think you need to see an exorcist that will call out that spirit tormenting you and beclouding your reasoning.

Also, there are men who are in debt, and they will never let their wives know about it. There is a story of a man who got into a debt and he didn’t tell his wife. His wife only got to know when the banks came to the house and wanted to put up the house for sale.  She was devastated, she tried all she could to save the house but it was too late.  They eventually divorced. It wasn’t the debt that tore them apart; it was the dishonesty of the man.  A wife should know about her husband’s money troubles and a husband should also know about his wife’s money troubles.
Unfortunately, this type of cheating where no one really looks deeply into is the one that can destroy trust in a devastating manner.

There is a big aunty I know who is currently building a house and her husband is not aware of it. I really can’t tell how long she is going to keep that secret from her husband because I think that there are some things that you should not hide from your spouse.

To an extent, I can say I understand why some women would rather keep their money for themselves and their children because they know that they won’t be protected by the laws of the land if anything happens to them. What about the men?  Why will a man keep his money away from the woman he loves? Maybe also has a terrible wife or his wife is a spendthrift too? Well, I will take all these as an exception but the bad thing about financial infidelity is that after a while it starts spinning out of control and then the parties involved will start lying to cover up and this can destroy the relationship. Financial infidelity is very difficult to spot because no one is even looking for it. But when it starts taking its toll on your marriage, it can be very devastating catashophic.

For instance, you may be the kind of person who was raised as a child to save money in a piggy bank while your spouse buys everything she fancies as a child. However, because your parents trained you to budget everything early, you have good money habits when you became an adult. So for you, every penny counts.

However, if you are married to someone who loves buying things at random without planning or a budget, then there might be a problem if you guys are not open in your communication.  Yes, establishing an open communication helps bring a solution to money problems in the family.
If you are having money troubles, speak to your significant other to put your heads together to find a solution to the problem. Also, if you are making so much money, let your spouse know about it so you can make wise investment choices.

Money can only create problems, arguments and resentment in marriages when one partner is out of control, spending money without letting the other person know, going over budget and is inconsiderate. This person is only selfish and lacks self-control and this can be as harmful as sexual infidelity.

Interestingly, a lot of us take borrowing money from our spouses for granted. We keep borrowing and never pay back. Borrowing from your spouse and not paying back when due shows a certain kind of irresponsibility and dependence. Respect your spouse financial boundaries and if you keep overstepping this thin line, this may lead to a major issue in future.

Lastly, have a good control of your money and never allow your spouse use money as a means of power over you. Couples should always work together to overcome money problems and you can only achieve this by working as a team. This will strengthen the bond between you, and help you create a healthy lasting partnership.


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August 2018
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