– The Sun News

Every one must not be married

There are people who have no desire to marry or have children. But in this clime, saying this in public is akin to striping oneself down.

People would act shocked, scream blood of Jesus, sprinkle holy water, some will ask you to clean your mouth or even help you do it, while others will rebuke you outrightly for saying such a sacrilegious thing, then they would do everything in their power to convince you otherwise.

Worst of all are strangers who just met you barely 10 minutes ago who would make it their own matter by trying to talk you out of it.

These strangers turn panels debating the pros and cons of a personal decision. These are people who don’t know anything about your personal struggles but they would ask, what if you change your mind and it’s too late? Won’t you regret not having kids earlier? To many of us, marriage and parenthood are seen as moral obligations.

Of a truth, some people don’t want to marry. They love their own company too much, they find little interest in dating, and they are too focused on their own lives and dreams to selflessly let someone else take 50% of them.

They don’t dream of a wedding, infact they hate being the centre of attention. The same goes for having children. Kids are nice, but they have little patience for them. Their dreams centre on them alone, the places they want to visit, the people they want to meet, the books they want to write/read and the challenges they wish to surmount.

To these people, the prospect of raising a child doesn’t fit into their narrative and it never has, may be with time, but not yet. They possess zero paternal/maternal instinct, and even imagining having kids makes them uncomfortable. In all honesty, fatherhood/motherhood would bore them, and they wouldn’t wish to put anyone through that.

He’s a friend in his early 50’s. He has his life already planned out without marriage or having kids. Women and kids don’t cross his mind because he’s a miserable man. He calls himself that and he has made up his mind never to be married or even have kids.

His dysfunctional background left him emotionally scarred. He has never tried to overcome his misery and doesn’t have any intentions of doing so. He has decided to remain a loner for life, with no wife or children.

He also feels his own parents had no moral right to be married or even bring any child to this world because they were better at nothing but dishing out misery.

Whenever his issue of not wanting to be married is brought up, he says: “You don’t just bring someone else into your misery. I am miserable and selfish and I will frustrate any woman or child I bring into my life.”

I see his reasons and I support and respect him more for choosing to remain truthful to himself.

There are people who out of societal pressure end up married and divorced knowing that they have nothing to offer their partners in marriage. They were never interested, they just wanted to fulfill all righteousness.

How do you know you are ready to settle down? Maybe it’s because all your mates are getting married or because your younger ones are already married with kids and you are feeling left out.

It may also be because your family is pressuring you to get married even when you know you are not emotionally ready to bring another human into your space or because you have come of age.

Some people feel loneliness and coming of age means readiness for marriage. Marriage is not about you, it is about accommodating and tolerating another. It requires acting responsibly and not behaving like a child.

Some people allow society dictate for them against their wish that they must marry and have children, even when they know deep down that they have no business being parents.

If today you ask most people about their biggest fear when it comes to marriage, they will tell you ending up with the wrong man or woman.

Don’t wonder too far on why divorce is very rampant these days, a lot of people have no business getting married in the first place because they are either selfish, and want to be left to continuously act single even when they are married.

If you prefer to be single and happy, do yourself a favour and stop pressuring yourself into getting married. You are single and want it that way, then deal with it.

You have to own it, accept it, and stop letting people who know next to nothing about your struggles make you start what will make you become bitter and frustrated. The strongest statement you can make as a single person is to live life on your own terms, and show the world you don’t give a hoot.

If you are single, it means you have time to work on yourself. So, go on inside, tie up all loose ends, resolve old issues, and bring closure to things that might be impeding your progress.

Being single is a job, take care of that  business. If by the time you turn 60 or 70 and then change your mind about getting married for the sake of companionship, it’s never too late, go right ahead and do it.

Live your life unashamed and proud, refuse to be stigmatized. Never allow yourself to feel incomplete just because you don’t have a wife, a husband or kids, it’s your choice.

Thumbs up to everyone making choices for their lives like they want to regardless of societal pressures or moral expectations. Remember, not all married people are happy and not all single people are miserable.


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August 2018
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