Does every woman enjoy sex? This is one question most men would like answered because they are tired of their wives’ excuses when it’s sex time.
These women are either complaining of tiredness or they are not interested. Sometimes, “I’m tired” or “I don’t feel well,” are their songs. But in some cases, these women could be genuinely tired or ill.
But when these women are consistently turning down sex offers from their husbands, then all is not well in that marriage. Even though it is normal for some women to lose sexual drive as they get older, it is not an excuse to deny their husbands sex.
For a fact, some women actually struggle to enjoy sex. For some women, sex might not really feel good. This is a complicated issue that is also very common. The reasons for this kind of feeling may vary from one woman to another.
It can be a physical or psychological issue, or even both. This can make women and their partners feel less connected, therefore the need to address it becomes very important.
Researchers have consistently found that nearly half of women suffer from sexual dysfunctions of some sort, ranging from pain during sex to consistent low libido.
Painful sex can include pain during sex due to menopausal vulvo-vaginal atrophy resulting from a lack of hormones as well as a burning pain syndrome of the genitals.
Vaginismus is another condition that makes sex painful. It causes involuntary muscle spasms around the vagina, making it tighter and even closed at times.
It makes penetration and thrusting during intercourse very painful and leaves women groaning in pain. This discomfort makes it difficult to fully engage in and enjoy sex.
Difficulty being aroused also known as sexual arousal disorder can originate in the genital area. This is similar to erectile dysfunction in men.
Aversion to sex can also be related to a history of sexual abuse that may have left some women scarred both physically and psychologically.
Inability to experience orgasm is another reason some women don’t enjoy sex. Up to 10-20 percent of women have never experienced orgasm and it makes them least interested in sex.
The size of a man’s penis can make a woman hate sex. Some men are over endowed with very big penis, and some just ram into their women without enough foreplay, thrusting away without looking to at least see her facial expression or even listen to her when she pleads with him to stop.
On the flip side, some men have small penis and this can make their women dread having sex with them. Such men stay on top scratching the surface without giving their women the desired pleasure. In all these, their women may end up sore and bruised.
How a woman feels about her body can directly affect how much she enjoys sex. This is because body image has a serious impact on a woman’s sex life. Her body image isn’t about vanity.
A negative body image will make women distracted and self-conscious during sex, and can seriously detract them from pleasure.
A woman may not enjoy sex because she may not be into you. There are women who only enjoy sex with those they genuinely have feelings for. She needs to feel emotionally connected to you to enjoy sex.
As a man, your poor hygiene could also be a turn off for your woman. Bad breath, body odour, lack of good dress sense, mannerism etc can also be complete turn offs for your woman.
There are a variety of treatment options for female sexual dysfunction, depending on the root cause of the problem. These include oral medications, hormones as well as creams or devices that help women feel aroused.
Off-label testosterone can effectively treat low libido but requires the help of a hormone expert because too much testosterone can lead to acne breakout, hair loss, facial hair growth, aggressiveness and permanent voice changes.
Botanical oil like Zestra applied to the genitals, vaginal estrogen, certain exercises can help women too. Women should talk with their doctors. There is help for sexual dysfunction.
As a man, you need to be able to have a good and honest communication with her. If you are unsure how she is feeling, just ask her. And ladies should honestly open up to their men. They should seek help because sex should be enjoyed, and not endured.
RE: Is it possible to have sex without knowing?
I want to commend you for your bravado in discussing sexual issues in your column in a pretentious society such as ours. I do love your column.
-Steve Odo, Ebonyi state
I enjoyed your write up. How did you get to know all these subtle detail? I am impressed! Keep it up. I wonder how many people have been reading your good write ups. May God give you more wisdom and increase you in knowledge to affect lives positively.
I think your article is not just brilliant, but it’s good content for training counselors, particularly church counselors. Many pastors end up compounding issues like this when they try to play God and say things they shouldn’t say or even give directives that they don’t have enough information to give. I feel safe with your write-up. Well done and I look forward to more. Please write on separation, divorce and related issues too. Thank you.
-Mr Kadiri, Abuja