Commitment phobia is a form of anxiety or fear of committing in a relationship. People who have commitment phobia have problems staying in a relationship for long or moving to the next level.
They prefer to keep their relationship undefined because they are detached, emotionally unavailable, non-committal and emotionally unreliable.
They struggle with committing the rest of their lives to one person. While they know the right choice, there is still something in them wanting to pull back, to delay. They take more time, afraid of making the wrong decision.
They always have excuses for why they have not settled down yet even in their late 30’s or even 40’s. They tell you they are yet to meet the right person. Most or even all of their dates involve their bedroom. They are masters in sending mixed signals. They are sexually active, perhaps even promiscuous.
One thing with people with commitment phobia is that they often want deep and meaningful connection with another person, but the fear to let the person in. Those who develop a fear for commitment do so because of their past experiences or their relationship with their parents when growing up.
They lock up emotionally and become ghost persons. These attributes prevent them from staying in any relationship for too long because they limit the amount of time they spend with you by not treating you as a priority.
They are vague about their schedule, always forming busy. They only plan dates around what’s convenient for them. Everything comes before the person they are dating and their excuse when you call or bump into them is busy at work.
They promise to get together when things slow down. They spin stories to justify their behaviour. They constantly reiterate how casual everything is by their responses to committing to the relationship.
And when the other person threatens to leave the relationship, they may make promises to change, but they never do. These people would rather leave a relationship if pressured than make a commitment.
Sometimes, they will initially agree to commit, and then back down later, because of their overwhelming anxiety and fears. No matter how many months or even years you spend with them, they avoid having any serious commitment conversations with you.
You probably may never know where you stand with them. They refuse to introduce you to friends and family. Even when you get introduced, they avoid using labels like boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your relationship feels like a secret. They give silly excuses about not wanting to label what you both have or how they want to take things slow.
Commitment phobes dissect your appearance and personality, carefully looking for reasons that will make it easy to explain why the two of you would never work.
They are most likely to make unpleasant remarks when they see couples walking down the street holding hands because they are not great when it comes to showing signs of affection, especially in public.
They easily throw jabs at romantic movies, love songs and romantic novels. They try to write every love gesture off as fiction or staged drama. It is easier for them to make light of love instead of actually letting it happen. They mock on the surface that which they crave deep inside.
Being in a relationship with a person who is a commitment phobe will most likely end in tears and frustration because you both want different things.
Commitment-phobia is curable if a person wants to work on it and explore why they think that all relationships will end in disappointment. No matter what the specific cause of commitment phobia, it can be treated.
A person who suffers from relationship anxiety doesn’t have to suffer from it their entire lives. There is help, but a person needs to want to change and find a way to overcome their relationship anxiety. It cannot be done by others.
People who fear to commit are actually scared of getting hurt, so they avoid it by not committing even when they have special feelings for a person.
Relationships are scary and require some level of vulnerability. It’s natural to be scared, hesitant, or unsure, but find out what those fears mean.
Ask yourself what exactly you are afraid of. Are you afraid of getting hurt in the end or divorced? Are you afraid of losing your freedom? You will conquer your fear easily if you know what you are so afraid of.
Every commitment is a risk. Consider the greater risk of waiting for the perfect opportunity that may never come.
Do not wait for the time that all your doubts will go away because that will never happen. Until you commit most times, you may never know what lies on the other side.
You can’t take a relationship to the next level without making a choice. So take the risk, accept that relationships could fail and know that you will never know if it will fail or not if you won’t give it a try. Life is more rewarding when you are brave enough to take risks.
Instead of focusing too much on the fears from the past and what could happen in the future, live in the moment with the person you are with. If he/she makes you happy and alive, then commit.