A disturbing social trend is the constant mudslinging that accompanies failed relationships among lovers, business partners, friends, neighbours and other associates. In attempt to outdo one another, some descend to use of graphic detail to garnish their grouse, revealing private matters of intimacy with revolting accounts that daily assault our sensibilities.
Etiquette teaches what to do in any given situation; that is why it is called a social skill, a quality described in the dictionary as ability to do something with expertise. This includes handling difficult situations like ending a relationship. It does not have to be characterised by rancour. Washing dirty linen in full view of the public as a result of alliance gone awry is primitive, immature and ignominious. Some of the sparring partners throw caution to the wind without any consideration for the offshoots of the liaison like offspring, thriving enterprises, brand reputation, and other elements of the tie-up. Posting offensive materials on the Internet, divulging sensitive information given in strict confidence is comprehensively base and inimical to social graces.
According to William Shakespeare, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts.” God gives us a glimpse of the future through the people we encounter in the journey of life. These characters play different roles either as friend or foe, to ferry us to our destination.
Not too long ago, I got several calls from an unknown number. The caller later sent a text to introduce herself and explain the reason for the frantic calls, requesting a meeting. Upon learning that our parts had intersected at some women gathering in the not so distant past, the request was granted even though I was hard put to recollect her person. Praying that her issue would be within my control, we scheduled to meet.
The visitor and her husband had fallen unto hard times owing to an untidy exit from their benefactor who engaged the couple as seasoned educationists to run a school from scratch. Aside from the husband being the principal of the school, he also doubled has a P.A.and confidant to the patron. After six years of dedicated service and unquestionable loyalty, the couple felt convinced the time to explore other opportunities was ripe. The challenge was how to communicate their dream to the backer who had generously rewarded their commitment. They were housed in comfortable accommodation with the school providing furniture and underwriting utility bills. Other perks included a good car, free tuition for their three children. They had no reason to complain.
In spite of these benefits, they grew restless and set about planning for their future, a well-articulated plan B. While bidding their time and waiting for an opportune moment, they confided in a “few trusted associates” who also “confided” in the boss. Feeling betrayed, the benefactor terminated their contract, withdrew all the perquisites and shut the door in their face. Out in the cold, the reality of a bleak and uncertain future set in and things fell apart.
Meeting and parting is an art that must be cultivated for social skills. Unfortunately, emphasis is skewed in favour of getting acquainted and development of productive relationships without balancing the exit mode.
People fail to realize the importance of how to exit or terminate any relationship, even a fractured one like a divorce is critical. The imperfection of the present must not blight the strength of futurity.
The cordial relationship established must influence our decision at such down times. Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the United States admonishes that, “When they go low, we go high,” implying you can take the higher road without descent to indignity.
Job exit must be handled professionally and maturely with a future perspective. Regardless of the circumstance, courtesy demands an informal meeting prelude to resignation. It is disrespectful to throw in resignation while gleefully watching to see the reaction of your employer. The driver who abandons his boss on the bridge, the domestic staff who makes abrupt decision to quit at the most vulnerable period, the politician who demonises party faithful while changing political affiliation, the graduand who lives a nasty legacy by molesting fellow students or destroying school property are not socially smart. Resignation without proper handover, in terms of sufficient notice to allow for seamless transition thereby disrupting business operations is unprofessional.
I am squally bemused when professionals undermine their productivity simply because they have served notice of exit. Some depart with company property and vital official documents. Etiquette demands you close every door gently, you may need to reopen the door again. Men are ladders, you may need them to ascend or descend at some point. This also calls to mind a story by Pastor E A Adeboye, General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God.
According to the cleric, a young lady was who engaged to her heartthrob, arrived the Marriage Registry on the set date with her family in tow for the Court Marriage. After hours of futile wait for the groom in shining armour, the painful reality of abandonment without any justification dawned on the wedding party. Predictably, the bride was devastated beyond words. Years later, love smiled on her as she got married to a military officer who rose to political prominence. Guess who her husband’s aide-de-camp (personal assistant to a senior military officer) was? Her ex, who by virtue of his job role also had to wait on madam. That is life! One of my favourite TV programmes is the Super Story, a creative production of the Pencils Film Institute (PEFTI), which constantly reminds viewers at the end of every episode that “We are nothing but pencil in the hands of the Creator.”
Strive to carve out a dignified exit for any relationship knowing full well that the future holds the aces. English poet, John Gaye sums up the piece with his assertion that, “we simply meet to part.”