The Sun News

Coping with sexual infections from cheating partners

Would you tell your partner if you contract sexually transmitted infection? You actually know you brought home the infection.

While there are curable sexually transmitted infections, there are also untreatable ones that are life threatening but can be managed

Faithfulness in marriage is one we will continue to preach, however some married people will always cheat whether we preach it  or not. While some partners may be careful enough to cheat with protection (condom), others prefer to cheat without any form of protection

Many married women with randy husbands who side step without protection often go through a lot of psychological torture when it comes to telling their husbands that they got them infected. With the exception of Gonorrhea which men come down with its symptoms within few days, men are mostly asymtomatic to a lot of sexually transmitted infections; while women are very much symptomatic when infected with some STDs within days e.g. boils, burning sensation, itching, swelling, offensive smell or abnormal discharge. Few women find ways to communicate their infections with their husbands because the doctor insists on treating them both, some husbands most times flare up and accuse their wives of accusing them falsely. This is one of the reasons most women depend on their doctors to help them talk to their husbands, while other women just sit back dying in silence because they are afraid to talk with their husbands.

There are also STIs, e.g. HIV and HPV virus that doesn’t come with symptoms until it has done much damage for years

A married man’s girlfriend took ill about a year   into their relationship.  He found out about her status after her health deteriorated to full blown Aids. He got tested and was confirmed HIV positive, and placed on Anti-retro viral drugs. This man knowing full well that he has also infected his wife with this disease, went quiet. He refused to tell his wife about his status, while his wife lived her normal life without knowing, her husband was taking care of himself via his constant medication. Few years down the line, his wife was very down and by then it was too late. It wasn’t  long till she kicked the bucket, leaving her children with no mother, while the husband that contracted this disease in the first place still lives and is waxing stronger.

You may say this man is wicked and heartless and I agree with you totally, but there are more of such cheating partners in marriage today who have carefully hidden the fact that they have contracted deadly sexually transmitted diseases. Some resort to avoiding any form of sex with their spouses without any reason given to their better half. They choose to come up with excuses or constantly spoiling for a fight, so they don’t have to have sex. Some would rather file for divorce, leaving their spouse more confused. Some, all of a sudden want to start introducing condoms into their intimate lives rather than tell the truth. What about partners who resort to suicide once they found out that their unfaithfulness has been rewarded with an STD, out of guilt, embarrassment and rejection that may come with coming clean to their partners, they decide to take their own lives.

It is rather unfortunate that we have thrown openness to the dogs. In a bid to hide our mistakes, we put the lives of our loved ones on the line, these are people who will take bullets for us if they saw it first. We would rather they find out themselves and when it is too late, than fore warn them so they can be placed on medication too.

I can imagine how shattering and earthquaking it would feel when a husband or wife tries to tell their partner that they have STD. No matter how sinking that feeling may be, It’s better to come clean, tell your partner the truth once you find out all is not well. Yes, there may be grievous consequences, whole lot of regrets that may stem from that singular confession, from filing for divorce, to hating you, to withdrawing totally from you or not want anything to do with you ever again, but at least they can access the best medical services available to manage such infection.

You have to tell the truth, and if you can’t face your partner alone, then seek the help of a trusted doctor in disclosing the status of any STD that you may have contracted.

A lot of partners who choose not to let their spouses into their big secrets often expose their children too to avoidable health situations. HIV positive wife and HIV positive husband trying to make babies, if the husband is on ARV without the consent of his wife, they will most definitely bring a child of same status into the world, an innocent child suffers from a disease he/she knows nothing about; but when a man or woman finds out his/her own status and alerts the spouse, together with the counsel and guidance of a professional health care officer they will bring forth healthy children. Both parents and kids will live their normal lives.

Communication is key. It is bad enough that you found out that you are infected but keeping your partner in the dark while you are on medication is worse than witchcraft, you can pass for a cold blooded murderer. You are not different from a killer.

How this information is delivered is also very important. Expect very unfriendly response, be ready for the worst because that day may just give your relationship a whole new definition. Stop hiding in whatever guise to avoid intimacy or start introducing the use of condoms with your partner. Tell them the truth, let them know. You may be surprised that you’ve been worried for nothing and even die out of fear. Some partners will go the whole length with you when you tell them the truth.

Stop keeping sexual health secrets from your partner. Let him/her at least have the opportunity to die when their time is up, rather than dying abrupt, painful avoidable death, 1st Edembittered, sad and full of resentment for you, he/she questions every other truth you ever told them, including the many times you said you love them.

If you can’t stay faithful to your partner, please use protection when you cheat, it is bad enough that you are cheating on your spouse, but its wickedness and callousness to sleep around without protection thereby jeopardising their lives for momentary pleasure. Remember they committed no crime marrying you.

It’s not going to be easy, the truth will always be bitter but it’s far better than living a lie.


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June 2018
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