From Kemi Yesufu, Abuja The decision to retain health maintenance organisations (HMOs) as part of the country’s health insurance programme caused a major disagreement between the House of Representatives Committee on Health Services and the executive secretary of the National Health Insurance Scheme (NHIS), Prof. Yusuf Usman. Usman, at the just concluded two-day investigative hearing…
It’s high time we legalised cheating in Nigerian marriages. Don’t say God forbid because you will be lying to yourself. Many Nigerian marriages are nothing short of glorified polygamous settings. Many men keep their wives at home and frolic all over the world with side chicks.
Women beg their husbands for attention, love and affection. Some beg their husbands to use condoms on their many sexual partners. Others pack condoms for them whenever they are travelling just to make sure they shag with protection and these people claim they are in marriages.
Given these scenarios, there’s no need to keep pretending that men and women are in monogamous relationships these days. Many marriages have multiple partners in the background. If you think I am lying, ask women who do FBI moves on their husbands.
For as long as I can remember, men cheat on their wives openly and in secret and the society excuses them. In some cases, these men are patted on the back for spreading their fluid like the telecommunications company, MTN, everywhere you go. But when women cheat, they are sluts who need to be shamed.
Three friends had this conversation about cheating husbands recently.
Ijeoma: I am heartbroken. My husband is a serial cheat. He doesn’t know how much he’s hurting me. The worst part is that whenever I complain to my mum, she tells me that I should thank God he doesn’t bring these women home.
Eno: I hate that statement. My mum also tells me that it is normal. She says that as long as he takes care of me and the children, I should stop complaining.
Bimbo: Our mothers started this heartbreaking excuse for cheating husbands. I wonder why they didn’t think about the dangers of their husbands sleeping around.
Ijeoma: These days where STDs and AIDS are roaming around like pure water, I am very scared for myself.
Bimbo: Is that why you were crying two days ago on the phone when I called you? You should have developed a thick skin to his cheating by now.
Eno: Hian, Bimbo, what kind of advice is that? Are you saying that you are now accustomed to your husband cheating on you?
Ijeoma: Bimbo, do you really love your husband? Any woman who loves her husband would be angry with him cheating on her.
Eno: I won’t lie, I used to get angry in the past but now, I don’t care anymore. I cheat on him back.
Ijeoma: Tufiakwa! That’s an abomination. I can’t do that.
Bimbo: Be dulling yourself there. Man can cheat and woman can cheat and everybody is happy
Eno: Leave her, let her be dulling herself. With all the fine, hot guys around these days, she’s talking nonsense, crying over a cheating man.
Ijeoma: I won’t rub dirt on myself or bring disgrace to myself by cheating on my husband.
Bimbo: But your husband can cheat on you with different ladies of various shapes and sizes like he’s running out of oxygen and you will keep crying abi?
Eno: Ijeoma, so you think it’s right for your husband to continue cheating on you while you keep tolerating his disrespect?
Ijeoma: I know it’s wrong but what can I do? They say it’s a man’s world. I am beginning to believe that.
Bimbo: Man’s world bawo? My dear, if he seeks happiness outside, you better look for your own side bobo to keep your oil rig well drilled. This life waits for no one.
Eno: My dear, Ijeoma dey dull herself. This penis wey sweet pass anything for this world, she dey do like mumu.
Ijeoma: Instead of cheating on my husband in retaliation, can’t we think about legalising cheating for married couples?
Eno: Legalise cheating? You want Nigerian men to die of high blood pressure one by one?
Bimbo: They can’t stand another man drilling their women but they can insert and remove from many holes without a care in the world. They will even tell you that they can’t be eating one type of soup everyday that they need to taste different soups.
Eno: I heard that men love to eat fruit salad and women are likened to different fruits by these cheating men. Too bad, women can now eat as many fruit salads like men are doing.
Bimbo: But it won’t be a bad idea for cheating to be accepted by couples. That way, no party will feel cheated.
Ijeoma: Doing that means that many marriages will now become open relationships. How many men can actually allow this happen?
Eno: They won’t. They are selfish.
Ijeoma: I am beginning to like the idea of an open relationship. I would love to taste another rod aside from that of my husband.
Eno: Do you want to tell us that you have never desired another rod when you got married six years ago?
Ijeoma: No, I haven’t. I am just imagining what it would be like to ride another man with his hands cupping my ass and breasts. It will be heavenly.
Bimbo: So you are dreaming of riding another man? With all your church attendance, don’t you think you are committing a sin already?
Ijeoma: When my husband just won’t stop cheating on me nko? As you babes said, I need to make myself happy.
Bimbo: Now, you are talking. If men can cheat in marriages and everyone tells his wife to keep praying for him to change, Women can do the same too. Nigerian men should start praying for their cheating wives too.
Eno: I support you girls. What is good for a wandering penis is also good for a wandering vagina.
Bimbo: We love to accept strong things too. Women have blood running in their veins too and they deserve to experiment with good looking guys with well chiselled body just as their men are doing running after baby okus.
Ijeoma: I just want to see my husband’s face when he learns that he won’t be the only one who will be sweating on top of me.
Eno: His face won’t change anything. Since it is right for him to shag everything that crosses his path, he should also accept it from you.
Bimbo: It is a very good idea. We should all start operating open relationships where men and women would be free to give and be given multiple orgasms in return.
So, what do you all think? Should cheating be legalised in marriages? The floor is open.