If you are very active on social media you must have heard about a trending story of a married man who proposed to 18 different women. This man did not only propose marriage to these women, he also duped them all.  Many of these women came out with one story or the other about these serial marriage proposals. 

But what I really couldn’t understand in this Facebook soap opera is why would a man stoop so low to do all these? Why should he dangle the marriage proposal like he is dangling a bone before a dog?  Why did all the women fall for him?

If the truth must be told, the man in question wasn’t so fantastic.  No, he wasn’t hell of a gorgeous man. He is nothing near a male model.  He didn’t have a defined cheekbone, he didn’t have an imperious nose and his jaw wasn’t well carved like a Greek god.

Our dear Efik demon didn’t have beautiful eyes.  In fact, there was something shady about his eyes and so I don’t know how he succeeded in charming those ladies. I doubt if he had a well chiseled body and Spartan shoulders that possessed strength. 

Probably, it was his sonorous rumbling that made their heartbeats skip. Could it be that he was quick to crack a joke or fire off a humorous retort?  Or was it the whiff of his cologne when they first met him that had them all swooning and agreeing to walk down the aisle with him? Oh, probably it was the sex too?

However, to me he is just a lying tongue, a man who latched his sugarcoated tongue round the waist of women who wanted marriage.  

All I see is a man who doesn’t respect his wife (forget all that gibberish his wife posted) that doesn’t change anything. If you can cheat on your wife and you go back home; you look into her eyes and tell her you love her, you are the lowest kind of man on the pyramid.

You keep toying with all these women’s hearts including your wife’s and I think you get some thrill from doing this. Bros, you need help; you need to go see a shrink quickly.

I was shocked some people applauded him. I am so tired of my generation! They made it seem as if staying faithful and loyal to one woman is a “luxury”, when in fact, it should be standard.

Honestly, online dating is not minced meat, you know you are torn between a whole bunch of dating sites, you keep checking potential dates and I tell you flirting with perfect strangers can be wired sometimes.

But having ended up with a string of dating disasters, you don’t have to throw in the towel. You can’t just surrender to celibacy; you need to keep trying, because you have got loads of possible options at the click of a mouse.

So, whether you are a social media slay queen or offline diva, you can try dating online and here are ways you can avoid falling prey to every con online guy who thinks dangling marriage, can easily get you in his bed.

The golden rule states that don’t ever be desperate for marriage. If a guy senses that you are desperate about settling down, it can scare him away from you or he can use it against you.

Never pretend that you are someone you are not; be as honest as possible. Stop flaunting your milk factory and other body parts.  A flattering profile picture will do.  Revealing too much flesh is cheap. Aside this, it will only attract unserious people, people who will ask you for nudes and phone sex. They will masturbate with your pictures and move to the next girl. If you are unlucky, they will even sleep with you and go hunting for another Barbie doll.

Call me old school, if you like, when you are dating someone, make it as traditional as ever. Date loud! If he is asking you to keep your relationship secret, run! Let your courtship run through all the stages naturally.

This Solomon of our time who got trending for all the wrong reasons had only one major weapon and that was asking all his catches to keep their relationship secret.

Of course, we love keeping everything secret in Naija, “so that the village witches will not jeopardize your chances of marriage.”

But the only reason serial killers; serial on line players and child rapists thrive is because all their victims kept them secret.

Social media is not real world, so meet his family and let him meet yours. Do your research well, dig hard and let your hands get dirty as you unearth things about him.

His profile is not enough, check out his friends, ask him questions about his family and know his house.

Don’t meet him at the hotel! You are not a prostitute, go and know his house. Check out his place of work and make friends with some of his colleagues and friends, you can find out one or two things from them too.  

We know from experience that there are a lot of online players whose primary aim is to date lots of people at the same time. They have different profiles and persona, which they are not. So, you don’t just meet someone on Facebook and assume you are courting when you have not done all these things.  

Related News

If a man gives you an engagement ring and you make all the noise on social media, that is not enough. Let me ask you the most important questions, have you met his family? Do they accept you? Let me tell you the truth, if you are marrying a man in Africa, you are marrying his whole village. Forget what he is telling you that “he loves you and he is the one marrying you.” That story is for the gods, before he even proposes, you must at least know his people and he must know yours too. My sister, marriage is not about how mushy mushy his proposal made you feel or how many diamonds you have on your engagement ring o!

Moreover, if you just met him, be careful on what details you reveal to him. Let him earn your trust first before you start dishing out your pin number and telling him about all you have achieved.

I know women can easily be swept of their feet in excitement but set boundaries, be assertive and let him know you are in control of your life.

Also, you should be prepared for a letdown. It happens to everyone, not all courtships will blossom into marriage.  When he tells you there is no spark after a while, you just dust yourself up and go start all over again.  So, girls! Lap up all the attention, enjoy it all and be responsible too!


Re: Love and respect your husband but …

hi, Bolatito, thank you very much for that great column you wrote. I would love to be in touch with you through e-mail but your e-mail address is not visible.

–Pat M.

I’m sure you want to inspire people and not mess up their minds. I don’t really think there is so much to learn from your February 22 write up, as published by The Sun. I think there are better things you could tell the world. Wish you well Bola.

–08140609….

Madam Bolatito, are you really married? Please reply me urgently.

–Theo

Wow! I love and love your article. I am glued to it and have read it three times over. Thank you for saying the truth and nothing but the truth. This is meeting me at my point of need. God bless you my sister for this piece.

–Dolapo Ibidapo 

You can give the advice to your fellow Yorubas, for Igbo people, we don’t believe in divorce, so hold your advice.

–0802721….

Dear Bolatito,

How is work? Hope good? I just read your Sunday column now. Please do not be angry, are you married and staying with your husband?

–0803743….

Bola stop encouraging unfaithfulness and stealing in marriage, what you are painting is 5% out of 100%. With the high rate of divorce and single mothers springing out daily, your write up is unacceptable. Marriage is commitment and spirituality by two different people and prayer is the secret to a successful marriage. If God is in it, the woman will enjoy her hubby and children. Marriage is for better and worse and not for better alone.  Couples should trust themselves, if she wants something let her discuss with her hubby and not by stealing.

–Kingsley Ezikeoha

Most men, especially in the poor bracket, are fast at getting when their wives lie about prices of consumables, which they have gone behind to verify. With your piece, a greater number of men, who are privileged to read it, would have learnt some lessons from it. Being virtuous, by wife or husband in marriage is, in most cases, pretentious. It is a deceptive ploy in marriage. It still bothers one’s mind why some men would not want their wives to work if they so desire. It does not make sense to me. All said, the article satisfies both sides in marriage; the husband and wife. More grease.

–Lai Ashadele