Most parents genuinely do their best to provide their children with happy and healthy upbringing, but they can also make mistakes that may result in future problems for their children. Some parents go beyond occasional mistakes and veer into the toxic category. Regardless of whether or not a parent is purposefully being toxic, there are several behaviours that can cause so much emotional and mental damage to a child such that it ends up greatly affecting them even after they have grown up.
Failing to provide your children with affirmation and security is toxic. Some parents believe that showing tough love is an important way to ensure that their children are able to take care of themselves in the future. Children who are recipients of this approach on a regular basis may turn out to be fearful and suffer from low self esteem. They are overly critical.
A toxic parent is overly critical about everything their children do. They can make the mistake of believing that they do this to make sure their children avoid making costly mistakes. Unfortunately, what this behaviour really does is causing the child to develop a harsh inner critic that can be borderline-crippling during adulthood. Toxic parents often turn their children into their parental substitutes by demanding their attention at all times.
But well-rounded parents will allow their children enough space to grow and be kids without demanding constant interaction to suit their needs. Toxic parents can twist situations to suit their needs, and this leaves children with two choices: accept that the parent is wrong or internalize all of the blame. In most cases, children, even those who are adults now, choose the latter option. Parents who refuse to nurture their children’s emotional needs and make light of their negative emotions are setting up a future where the children will feel unable to express what they need.
There is nothing wrong with helping children see the positive side of any situation. However, being completely dismissive of a child’s negative feelings and emotional needs can lead to depression and make it more difficult for them to appropriately handle negativity as adults.
Respect and fear do not need to go hand-in-hand. In fact, children who feel loved, supported, and connected are much more likely to be happy as adults. Although discipline of some sort will inevitably be necessary from time-to-time, non-toxic parents do not use highly fearful actions and words that are permanently damaging to the human psyche.
It could be difficult to talk to someone when one is angry, but shutting out a child with the silent treatment is very damaging and immature. Dishing out this passive-aggressive treatment hurts any type of relationship and makes the recipient feel pressured into fixing the situation, even when they didn’t do anything wrong. If one of your parents spent much time telling you how much they gave up for you in connection with their unhappiness, then they were placing unrealistic expectations on your role in their lives. No child should be held accountable for their parent’s happiness.