From Oluseye Ojo, Ibadan Council of Ibadan Authentic Mogajis (family heads) yesterday asked the members of Ibadan Obas in Council to withdraw, within seven days, the 21-day ultimatum they issued Olubadan of Ibadanland, Oba Saliu Adetunji, Aje Ogungunniso I, or face the wrath of Ibadan sons and daughters. The Obas in Council had, on Monday,…
To betray is to let one down. Betrayal doesn’t have to always be about cheating on your partner with another person, it’s about little things we do consciously or subconsciously that belittles our partner and leaves them deeply hurt. They are outlined below.
Being glued to your phone all the time. You may be responding to work related emails, because you bring work home too, that you barely have time for your partner. Texting your friends, chatting away on social media or even making and receiving calls, while he or she is talking to you or holding on their thought till you finish is rude.
Always giving more attention to your phone when you are in the company of your spouse sends a clear message to him or her. It is disrespectful when you do that. You leave them wondering what their place in your life is.
Spending more time with your friends than you do with your spouse is bad. It is good and absolutely important to have hobbies and interests outside of your marriage. As a couple, being together all day, everyday is not exactly healthy. But it becomes a big problem when your spouse feels as he or she has taken a backseat to nearly everything else in your life, especially when it coimes to your friends.
You hang out with friends all the time, attend weddings or parties with your friends but not your wife. You stay out late, only to get home to eat and go to sleep. Learn to not put outside activities above your relationship. Putting close friends before your spouse creates distance and mistrust between the two of you which could harm your relationship
Another bad behaviour is cheating emotionally by confiding in someone else. Your spouse should be your confidante, the one you turn to when you need to share just about anything. Some spouses make the mistake of sharing too much and confiding more in their exes or friends or the opposite sex. If you start to emotionally open up to someone else, especially someone you are attracted to, you could be well on your way to having emotional affair. It’s especially bad if you start sharing unflattering details about your relationship with them.
Your partner should never take the place of your best friends, but he or she must be given a place they never have to compete for your openness and trust. When you have a close emotional relationship that is over and above what you have with your partner it feels like betrayal. There’s this feeling that he or she isn’t good enough for you.
If you always put the kids first and even disrespect your spouse before them, you are not doing well. While you should prioritize your kids needs, putting too much focus on them could cheat your spouse out of your attention.
You neglect the relationship without even realizing it. Your focus is now on the kids. He or she only calls once away from home, and instead of asking how you are doing as well as the kids, it becomes, ‘how are my kids doing, what did they eat today, have they taken their bath, are their home works done yet?’ At the end of the conversation, you didn’t even ask your spouse how he or she is doing or how their day went, every question is just centered around your children, too bad.
You shut down your partner or talk back at them in the presence of the kids. You even take sides with the kids when they disrespect your spouse instead of standing with him or her to call them to order. He or she may never say it to you, but it’s killing them slowly on the inside.
Engaging in financial infidelity hurts your partner.Why do you have to lie to your spouse about how much you are worth and what you spend your money on? You would rather die than let them know. This money behaviour shows the absence of trust and the partner who is not trusted often feels betrayed especially when he or she has never given any rooms for such doubts.
When you rant about your spouse to outsiders and your family, you are hurting them.You may think venting to friends or family about your husband or wife’s annoying habits is harmless, but I can assure you that a betrayal of trust occurs any time you say something to friends or family that shows your spouse in a bad light
Do not go unload your partner’s innermost secrets or sins to people because it may backfire. What if your father inlaw, mother inlaw, brother or sister inlaw with a big mouth let what you told them in confidence slip? He or she will feel betrayed.
Giving your spouse cold or silent treatment is bad behaviour. Stonewalling your spouse by becoming defensive and withdrawing from an argument instead of talking it over can be extremely unhealthy for your relationship.
When you withhold thoughts and emotions it very much contradicts the purpose of an intimate relationships. When a spouse gives the silent treatment or says ‘nothing is wrong’ when there is something obviously wrong, he or she leaves you feeling powerless.
Insecure behaviour destroy relationships. When a husband or wife is always jealous, things get messy. Such people want to keep a leash on their spouses. They fight imaginary battles, and have this constant fear that their partner is cheating on them. They just keep acting out their insecurities. Such people choose to wallow in self pity. They blame every other person including their spouses, but never blame themselves.
Comparing your spouse to someone else or telling them you regretted choosing them as a life partner is bad. It’s better to tackle the issues you have with your spouse than constantly comparing them with either other people’s spouses.
Telling your spouse directly or indirectly that he or she is a mistake is quite injurious. It leaves their ego bruised. They may never feel the need to make it work anymore because you have condemned them to not being good enough.