If you have been a wife for more than five years and you have not been called a witch, then you must be married to an amazing family.
However, if your in-laws or husband’s friends have called you that, or any other names, then you are welcome to the witchcraft coven of Nigerian wives.
The way the Nigerian society paints the picture of wives, it is like they all have horns and carrying a black calabash each, filled to the brim with blood. This picture they have painted over the years, often makes me marvel.
In a typical Nigerian setting, if anything goes wrong in the home, the wife is always held responsible. If her husband made a wrong business decision and his business went bad, it was his wife that caused it. Oh! The devil must have gone to report him to the other witches in her coven.
When a husband loses his job because he committed fraud at his place of work, it was not his fault o! It must be his wife’s ill luck.
If a husband dies due to his recklessness or an accident, it must be the wife that donated him to her fellow witches, to feast on. Even if it was a natural occurrence, her in-laws would always look for a way around to blame his wife.
For instance, in the heat of the P-square saga, many Nigerians knew nothing about the feud but they were quick to conclude that it was the wives that were at fault and the most criticized was Lola Okoye. In fact, at a point, their lawyer, Festus Keyamo, a senior advocate, had to clear the air about this in a tweet, saying that the wives weren’t responsible for the trouble of the brothers.
I really don’t know how some Nigerians jump to the conclusion that every problem that happens in a family is caused by the wife. They are quick to label a wife as the devil behind any family brawl or war.
Even when it is obvious that there is overwhelming evidence and the problem had nothing to do with these women, they would still heap all the blames on the women.
It doesn’t only stop there; this also happens when two good friends are fighting, our society will always look for ways to bring their wives into the feud.
Well, I am not saying that all women are saints and I am not saying that they don’t cause problems in some cases but what I am saying is that some Nigerians love to heap the blame for family squabbles on women.
Today, I will be speaking on behalf of all Nigerian wives. I think we have had enough of these blames. Is it not enough that you keep over stretching the fabrics a wife material is made off? Aren’t you satisfied with that? You all still conspire to put feathers of witchcraft on our caps.
However, I am calling on all in-laws, to kindly listen to me clearly. All I am asking from you all is that you should stop being sentimental about issues. Treat problems in the right way and stop finding faults in your wives. A woman who is married to a family is no longer a stranger; she is a member of your family and she should be loved and protected by all.
If you are a husband and reading this, please be sincere. How much information do you share with your wife about your family? Well, I am asking this because I know that majority of men don’t even tell their wives what is happening in their families and so when they make those crucial decisions they make it on their own. But unfortunately, their wives will be the ones to take the heat.
Oh! What a pity! Nigerian wives have suffered so much in the hands of their in-laws and have been called many unprintable names. In-laws should stop judging their wives on baseless submissions, they should stop fabricating lies and they should learn to mind their business.
If you are a mother-in-law, stop the interference in your son’s marriage. Your marriage can’t be like hers and so go mind your own marriage. If you are a sister or brother-in-law, go and face your life and stop sowing seeds of discord. Even if your brother’s wife tells him not to give you money, is your brother a fool? Doesn’t he have a mind of his own? You should blame your brother and stop hating his wife for what she knows nothing about.
Also, to every man peddling lies about how your friend was charmed by his wife, what is your business? What if she charmed him? Oh, should she have charmed you instead? Some would even go to the length of saying that their wives’ friends have cooked vegetables for him. Please leave him; let him eat the charmed vegetable in peace after all no one pointed a gun to his head.
I think the more we learn to mind our business the better for us all. In Nigeria everyone has an opinion about their brother’s marriage, they are free to taunt and make a woman miserable without a care in the world. After all she is just an ordinary wife.
Husbands of Nigeria, keep your wife far away from these toxic relatives and friends. If you need to fight, do so because your marriage should always be your priority and you shouldn’t settle for anything else. Protect your wife from your relations. They have no right to come to tell you how you should run your home. I understand family ties should be strong but keep them far away if they keep meddling.
However, to every Nigerian wife that has been labeled a witch, don’t feel bad about it. In fact, my advice to you is to wear it proudly; the most important thing is that you have a good heart. Let them say whatever they want to say, it is their mouth so they should continue to vomit rubbish.
Besides, I am going to form a coven of Nigerian wives. The requirement for admission into this group will be that you have been married for five years with incriminating evidence of having been called a witch over the years. Depending on your wealth of experience in marriage, we will be giving you Bachelors degree with honours, Masters and PhDs. Don’t worry, we shall show them we belong to pepper dem gang! We will even sew aso-ebi during the launching of our association. Na dem go tire!
Re: Dear husbands, what happened to romance after marriage?
There is danger in taking advice from a woman. Adam was punished for loving blindly. He took the advice of Eve, his wife. Quote me! –Romanus
I was impressed after reading your column on Sunday. It’s crazy but I don’t understand how husbands have suddenly forgotten their responsibilities of loving their wives. Thank you so much for that article. It really touched my soul. I know the various problems in Nigeria contribute in affecting our men but they never know that the place they can find solace is in their homes. –Efrayim Eri.
It is natural, Bola. Familiarity they say breeds contempt. As a wife continues to be familiar with her husband, her level of submission reduces and then the magnitude of romance from the husband to the un-submissive wife, of course, wanes. Women from records are more submissive during courtship than in wedlock. The fact is that a woman makes the home more romantic than the man. A husband who is spoiled by the love of the wife will always be romantic –Socrates Awka.
Dear Bolatito, Please note that whatever happened to romance after marriage in this country and in my state is the bad governments of Buhari and Rochas Okorocha. How can there be romance when all you have is being destroyed and your relations being killed? Of course romance will become a nuisance.
Bola, your pleas to husbands in marriage are sound and right. The reason most men in marriage do not practice most of the positive acts in marriage are many. First, most of your prescriptions such as kissing, holding hands and making a singsong of “I love you” to wives are foreign habits sunk into the psyche of educated men. Most husbands of today are products of polygamous homes where their fathers lorded it over their mothers. Even when they apply the foreign acts, deep in their hearts, it is merely playing to the gallery to appear in line with modern trends. Apart from these, once marriage takes place, some hidden facts about each spouse blows open to the consternation of the opposite spouse which affects the hitherto love displays. The added responsibilities of a husband, some of which you enumerated in your piece, also affect love displays to a wife. –Lai Ashadele.
Gone through your paper but I want to add that what you are saying is not what the African husband can copy from the White mentality. If you grew up in the village then you can understand what I am saying.
Have you ever seen a politician campaigning after winning an election? Those things you call romantic exhibitions are strategies to win the love of a woman, once it is achieved, you concentrate on how to consolidate the woman’s love by going all out to look for money. In doing this, you will sacrifice time for romance, business and work.